Sudden heartbreak help…commitmentphobe?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
3331 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Yochonlove83:  Sorry that happened to you. It doesn’t sound like he’s a commitmentphobe necessarily, but he’s just not willing to commit to you. It sounds like the relationship started fast and burnt out fast. A couple can be perfect on paper, but if that “spark” isn’t there then it is best to move on, luckily it only took you guys 7 months to find that out, not 7 years. It sounds like you saying you loved him kind of put him on the spot and forced him to reveal what he was already feeling. It sucks that you thought everything was going great, but you deserve to be with someone who is as enthusiastic about being with you as you are about being with them. Good luck girl.

Post # 3
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Dont make excuses for him with the commitmentphobe bull. He wasnt feeling it and thankfully he let you know before it progressed any further. Exact same thing happened me five years ago after six serious months. I am glad he ended it when he did now, and glad i got him to pin his colours to the mast. walk away, hold the head high and for goodness sakes dont contact or entertain contact from him again (and yes i did and got screwed over twice)

Post # 4
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

Yochonlove83: Well that sucks. Sorry. Only thing I can say is a) not your fault and b) better now than later.

Post # 6
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

sorry if my post seems harsh. i guess i was on wrong end of the same behaviour and was angry about it for a long time… he even told me he loved me and broke it off out of the blue a week later. the idiot!

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  jofits.
Post # 7
Member
3331 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

jofits:  Why do so many men do that?! Leading women on and saying whatever only to give them the big F-U right after! I was in a relationship for over 6 years and the guy had been feeling like he didn’t want to be with me anymore for YEARS without letting on at all, until one day he decided to just kick me out of the house. It is unfortunately something that happens too often and I’m sure women do it too. People just hate confrontation or want an escape plan before they actually pull the trigger. 

Post # 9
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

you poor thing 🙁 i really feel for you

Post # 10
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

You are better off having this happen now then later on when you have bought a house together and started building a life together. You deserve so much better than that. Hugs

Post # 11
Member
2673 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yochonlove83:  Yes, you would figure that if someone felt like that, they would have the decency to start backing off slowly and not continuing to go gung ho like everything is great. I am sorry.

Post # 13
Member
6334 posts
Bee Keeper

That sucks, especially since you had thought it was going so well. He ended up not being the one, but it’s probably better you know now so you can move forward.

Post # 14
Member
10838 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Yochonlove83:  I’m sorry that this happened to you.

You asked for any words of advice, and so I will offer some.

Before I do, I want to issue the disclaimer that I realize that 85 percent of the bees do not share my beliefs and values on a number of topics. However, completely setting aside for a moment all of my own faith-based viewes, I want to say that many times people end up regretting having over-invested themselves (be that in terms of time, emotion, money or other resources, lost opportunities with other people, or in terms of physical intimacy) in romantic relationships that did not end up working out. Usually, this is because the nature of the relationship has resulted in a false sense of security and/or commitment that turns out not to have been there.

I don’t know if this is how you’re feeling.  However, if it is, I would just encourage you to consider maybe taking a different approach in future relationships.

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