Post # 1
My family found out today that my grandma has been diagnosed with ALS (like Lou Gehrig’s)– she started experiencing symptoms really suddenly and this confirms our worst fears 🙁 We don’t know how quickly things will progress but it seems bad.
My fiance and I have been planning a long engagement. We had to spend a year living on seperate continents and got engaged right before I left last August. We are living together again now and I was the happiest I’d ever been in my life before this happened. A couple of months ago we actually pushed back the wedding date a few months and now our date is May 30, 2015– still almost two years away!
We decided to do this because we wanted a little bit of time to just be together and enjoy being engaged after living apart, and because we are moving this fall and wanted to settle in to our new homes and jobs before focusing on wedding planning. We have a deposit on our venue for our date (it’s popular and books way in advance) and we love our venue, our date, and have been really happy with our decision.
But I always imagined having my grandma dancing at my wedding! Maybe that seems naive but she has always been a strong and vibrant woman and a huge presence in my life. I’m very close to my mom (it’s her mother) and family and I’m so, so heartbroken right now, and especially for my mom.
Meanwhile my mom might want me to forget the whole wedding and get married quickly and simply so that my grandmother can be there. She hasn’t flat-out asked me to do this but she has talked about it. This would be very sad for me and my fiance would be heartbroken (he actually loves the wedding planning! it means so much to him) and I don’t know if I should offer to do this.
Getting married is the last thing on my mind right now honestly, but I don’t know what to say to my mom.
My grandma’s doctor says there is still hope, so we are all praying as hard as we can. Any prayers or positive thoughts for my family are incredibly appreciated! And thank you all for reading my long post and any advice you might have.
Post # 3
I know you love your grandmother and that you want to honor that relationship, but this is the start of YOUR life with your partner and no matter what happens I don’t think your grandmother would want you to sacrafice your day. Hopefully she is able to make it to your wedding in 2015, but even if she cannot I’m sure she’ll be there in spirit.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry. 🙁
Both of my mother’s parents passed away suddenly last year and I really thought that they would be able to be at my wedding, the first grandchild to be married (most likely).
BUT you know who will make you feel better about all of this? Your grandmother. If she is able to talk to you, go and talk about it with her. I’m almost 100% sure that she will tell you to keep your dream wedding and that, if the worst happens, she’ll be there in spirit.
You don’t want to be bitter towards your mother and grandmother for making you move the wedding and sacrificing the wedding you want. That would be the worst outcome of all of this.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry about your grandmother. My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.
As for ypur wedding, This is something only you and your FI can decide. What’s most important to the two of you? Do you want the wedding you have planned now, or one where your grandma can be there to celebrate with you?
Post # 7
@PromiseRooster: I think it really depends. While yes, some bees will say that no matter what, such is life and things happen, but they shouldn’t dictate your wedding date, I think it really depends on your priorities. Imagine your dream wedding two years from now WITHOUT your grandmother (while not guaranteed, a very real possibility), and then imagine a much smaller and different wedding, but one at which your grandma can be truly present. For me, there’s no choice. I am extremely close to my grandma and I would give up any dream wedding to have her there on my special day. Either way, you still end up married to the man of your dreams- that’s really what matters.
Post # 8
@PromiseRooster: If I was your grandmother I’d say: Don’t you dare! I’m happy to see you’re engaged. I can see the ring and I can meet your man. But don’t rush everything on my account.
Post # 9
If you do decide to keep your dream wedding in 2015, what about taking your grandmother dress shopping with you sooner, even if you’re not ready to purchase yet? Seeing you in a wedding dress will probably make her day.
Post # 11
Don’t move it up. I think you should focus this time on spending time with your Grandma. You have a dream and you shouldn’t give that up because someone can’t be there. In my opinion people pass on everyday, you could loose anyone in your family tomorrow, its just the way life is and you shouldn’t let death dictate your life. I have a great grandmother who I hope and pray will be there on my wedding day because I love her so much and how many people get to have their great grandmothers at their wedding? But I am not going to move my wedding becuase she will probably not be with us in two years. Take joy in the time you have with her and don’t worry about the future, focus on Today!
Post # 12
Thank you all so much for your support and advice! I really appreciate the help, and the best wishes <3
Post # 13
You know, I can see both sides of this coin so clearly.
I am a 3 time MOB, about to be a 4 time MOB. I would never, ever in a million years want my DD to lose out on her dream wedding because I was dying.
I was orphaned at 10 and never had my parents at any life events like graduations, babies, weddings, or even the birth of my grandbabies. From that POV, I would have sold my soul to have had the experience with them. For me as a bride, knowing what I know, I would have moved everything in a heartbeat. The dream wedding would have meant nothing vs a smaller one with them there.
Post # 14
@PromiseRooster: My dad’s demenia started to get bad as we were wedding planning and we considered moving the wedding up because of it. We were afraid that he would get much worse and not be able to be at the wedding. We ended up leaving the time frame alone because we realized that you can’t plan life around these things, they all work out as they are supposd to. We might have moved the wedding up 6 months and there still wouldn’t be any gaurantee that he would make it. My therapist and I discussed it at length and rushing to get married wasn’t going to change anything about my dads situation, and he knows DH and I love each other and that’s all that mattered. (My dad did make it to our wedding by the way but couldn’t participate in some things) Your wedding is still a long way off to move it up. Don’t rush to get married because you feel like that’s what your mom would want. Whether your grandmother is well enough to be at your wedding or not, she knows you met an amazing person and that you are in love. That’s the most important part.
Post # 15
@PromiseRooster: Here’s a thought, ask your grandmother! Tell her you are thinking about moving the wedding up due to her illness and you can’t imagine she not be there. Judge her reaction. If she’s happy or content with the idea then do it. If she isn’t and tells you no, then you have your answer.
Personally I’d give anything to have my grandmother at my wedding. She meant the world to me, and it sounds as if your grandmother is equally important.
Well many people say it’s about YOU, and yes it is, however our family impacts our lives and they are very important to us.
Post # 16
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Listen to your heart and think carefully not only about what you want now, but how you are going to feel about your decision later. If your grandma passes prior to your wedding date, will you *truly* regret not having it sooner? My mom is in ill health (she is in her late 60’s), which is one of the reasons I got married last August, after setting the date in June. We couldn’t really afford the celebration we wanted, which would have been a couple years down the road, so we chose, instead, to have an intimate ceremony, which included my mom and my daughter, the two people that I would have been heartbroken had they not been there.