Suddenly scared grandma might pass, pressured to call off wedding, help!

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I know you love your grandmother and that you want to honor that relationship, but this is the start of YOUR life with your partner and no matter what happens I don’t think your grandmother would want you to sacrafice your day. Hopefully she is able to make it to your wedding in 2015, but even if she cannot I’m sure she’ll be there in spirit.

Post # 4
3645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@PromiseRooster:  *hugs*

I’m so sorry. 🙁

Both of my mother’s parents passed away suddenly last year and I really thought that they would be able to be at my wedding, the first grandchild to be married (most likely).

BUT you know who will make you feel better about all of this? Your grandmother. If she is able to talk to you, go and talk about it with her. I’m almost 100% sure that she will tell you to keep your dream wedding and that, if the worst happens, she’ll be there in spirit.

You don’t want to be bitter towards your mother and grandmother for making you move the wedding and sacrificing the wedding you want. That would be the worst outcome of all of this.

Post # 5
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012


Post # 6
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so sorry about your grandmother. My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

As for ypur wedding, This is something only you and your FI can decide. What’s most important to the two of you? Do you want the wedding you have planned now, or one where your grandma can be there to celebrate with you?

Post # 7
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@PromiseRooster:  I think it really depends. While yes, some bees will say that no matter what, such is life and things happen, but they shouldn’t dictate your wedding date, I think it really depends on your priorities. Imagine your dream wedding two years from now WITHOUT your grandmother (while not guaranteed, a very real possibility), and then imagine a much smaller and different wedding, but one at which your grandma can be truly present. For me, there’s no choice. I am extremely close to my grandma and I would give up any dream wedding to have her there on my special day. Either way, you still end up married to the man of your dreams- that’s really what matters. 

Post # 8
7910 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@PromiseRooster:  If I was your grandmother I’d say: Don’t you dare! I’m happy to see you’re engaged. I can see the ring and I can meet your man. But don’t rush everything on my account.

Post # 9
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

If you do decide to keep your dream wedding in 2015, what about taking your grandmother dress shopping with you sooner, even if you’re not ready to purchase yet? Seeing you in a wedding dress will probably make her day.

Post # 11
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Don’t move it up.  I think you should focus this time on spending time with your Grandma.  You have a dream and you shouldn’t give that up because someone can’t be there.  In my opinion people pass on everyday, you could loose anyone in your family tomorrow, its just the way life is and you shouldn’t let death dictate your life.  I have a great grandmother who I hope and pray will be there on my wedding day because I love her so much and how many people get to have their great grandmothers at their wedding?  But I am not going to move my wedding becuase she will probably not be with us in two years.  Take joy in the time you have with her and don’t worry about the future, focus on Today!

Post # 13
1855 posts
Buzzing bee

You know, I can see both sides of this coin so clearly.

I am a 3 time MOB, about to be a 4 time MOB.  I would never, ever in a million years want my DD to lose out on her dream wedding because I was dying.

Flip side:

I was orphaned at 10 and never had my parents at any life events like graduations, babies, weddings, or even the birth of my grandbabies.  From that POV, I would have sold my soul to have had the experience with them.  For me as a bride, knowing what I know, I would have moved everything in a heartbeat.  The dream wedding would have meant nothing vs a smaller one with them there.

Post # 14
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@PromiseRooster:  My dad’s demenia started to get bad as we were wedding planning and we considered moving the wedding up because of it. We were afraid that he would get much worse and not be able to be at the wedding.  We ended up leaving the time frame alone because we realized that you can’t plan life around these things, they all work out as they are supposd to. We might have moved the wedding up 6 months and there still wouldn’t be any gaurantee that he would make it. My therapist and I discussed it at length and rushing to get married wasn’t going to change anything about my dads situation, and he knows DH and I love each other and that’s all that mattered. (My dad did make it to our wedding by the way but couldn’t participate in some things) Your wedding is still a long way off to move it up. Don’t rush to get married because you feel like that’s what your mom would want. Whether your grandmother is well enough to be at your wedding or not, she knows you met an amazing person and that you are in love. That’s the most important part. 








Post # 15
2071 posts
Buzzing bee

@PromiseRooster:   Here’s a thought, ask your grandmother! Tell her you are thinking about moving the wedding up due to her illness and you can’t imagine she not be there. Judge her reaction. If she’s happy or content with the idea then do it. If she isn’t and tells you no, then you have your answer.

Personally I’d give anything to have my grandmother at my wedding. She meant the world to me, and it sounds as if your grandmother is equally important.

Well many people say it’s about YOU, and yes it is, however our family impacts our lives and they are very important to us.

Post # 16
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m so sorry you’re going through this!  Listen to your heart and think carefully not only about what you want now, but how you are going to feel about your decision later.  If your grandma passes prior to your wedding date, will you *truly* regret not having it sooner?  My mom is in ill health (she is in her late 60’s), which is one of the reasons I got married last August, after setting the date in June.  We couldn’t really afford the celebration we wanted, which would have been a couple years down the road, so we chose, instead, to have an intimate ceremony, which included my mom and my daughter, the two people that I would have been heartbroken had they not been there. 

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