Post # 1
What should I do??? My FH bought my engagement ring in February and has yet to give it to me. I knew about the ring because there was no way he could make a large purchase without me knowing about it. Since February I have been waiting every day for my ring. He has tried to propose two times and both times something tragic has happened. The first time he took a week vacation to plan something for me and the first day of the vacation his grandmother died. The second time he found out earlier in the day that his father had pancreatic cancer.
After all of this tragic news (which all happened in March), my FH told me that he wanted our wedding to be next sumer. I knew there was a lot that our family has been dealing with and he was stressed so I didn’t ask anymore about my engagement ring. Since he wants the wedding to be next summer I started planning. It is now June and 4 months after he bought my engagement ring and still no proposal.
I feel stupid planning a wedding without even being engaged. Every time I go to a wedding vendor, everyone asks to see my ring. I always lie and say it is being sized because I am too embarassed to say the truth. I asked my dad for a deposit to reserve our venue and his comment was "your not even engaged yet. is he collecting interest on the ring or something" I don’t even want to ask my bridesmaids yet becuase I’m technically not even engaged. But if my FH wants a 2010 summer wedding, I need to start planning ring or not. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Post # 3
First of all…don’t feel stupid! I am planning my wedding without the ring (I’m currently waiting for a proposal that can happen any day now) and I currently have a photographer, dress and venue. We know we are getting married so why not get things done now so we have more time to plan? Makes sense to us but I know there are some people out there that don’t understand. Jump over to the WAITING board on this blog. It’s all about people planning and waiting for the ring. I felt so much better about my situation when I found out so many other people were in the same situation.
As for the family situation – maybe ask your boyfriend to go talk to your Dad with you. It’s possible that if you tell him about the situation together he will take it more seriously. Also, tell your boyfriend how your Dad feels and how you feel uncomfortable planning without a ring. Maybe he will propose or you can even discuss pushing the date back from the Summer to early Fall.
Just know you aren’t alone and try to focus on the most important thing – getting to marry your boyfriend!
Post # 4
Do not feel stupid at all. My FI and I sat down and had a serious conversation on getting married and our wedding. We both decided we wanted it to be next spring, because I will be graduating in December and we will be relocating next summer. He wanted to do a traditional proposal but in his own way and in his own time. Me knowing how crazy wedding planning can be decided that we should set a date and I went ahead with planning, he has helped along the way, so my situation is a little different from yours. In the beginning of planning I felt stupid as well, people would ask for a ring and I would just be honest and say that I don’t have one yet. I still don’t (it’ll be any day, I know it), and the bulk of the major things are done (vendors, venues, dress)
HBride is right, the important thing is that you are getting married! Don’t feel stupid, you aren’t alone in planning without a ring! Keep chipping away at the planning and just be patient it’ll happen in due time. You both decided that next summer is good, so I think you are totally safe going through with planning.
Post # 5
I am also planning my wedding with out the ring. My fiance keeps telling me she wants to make it special (I’m a lesbian in case you didn’t catch that). She just started a new job after being unemployed for over a year (darn this economy) and can’t yet afford the perfect proposal. However, we are both too excited to be planning a wedding that we have dove in head first. We have set a date for December 4th, 2010 and have nearly everything chosen including venue, photographer, cake, wedding coordinator (day-of only as I am a wedding coordinator myself), all decor and the tiniest details are done. Only things left are basically to pay for it all. I refuse to start putting down deposits until I have the ring but may have to if she does get on the ball.
I completely understand the embarrassment. I feel the same way. My fiancee and I are paying for most everything ourselves so we don’t have the asking our parents issue yet. However, as much as I hate waiting for the ring I understand that she wants it to be perfect and I do too. You don’t want your fiancee to just hand you the ring so you feel better about planning. He will. At least yours has already bought the ring.
Post # 6
I agree with all the previous posters that a ring does not make the commitment.
Secondly, you don’t need to start planning now unless you want to. My fiance proposed on May 1 this year. We are getting married Sept 12 this year. Wedding planning only needs to take as long as you want it to.
Post # 7
I’m sorry about all the tragedy in your future husband’s life. I can imagine that his dad having pancreatic cancer (which is a terrible diagnosis to have) makes everything more uncertain to him. I think it is important right now to take the lead from you FH and sit tight.
I’m sending his dad lots of healing thoughts.
Post # 8
I agree with Doctorgirl. He is going through so much right now, and probably doesn’t feel like he can put the work into giving you a proposal he thinks he deserves.
You don’t have to worry about planning it yet. Depending on the month, summer 2010 is a year+ away, and that will give you plenty of time to plan.
Post # 9
Another summer 2010 bee planning without a ring! There’s a lot of us out there. Don’t feel stupid. If you are secure in your relationship and your future together, then that’s all you need! I’m having a hard time with it too, but if you want a beautiful, special wedding to the love of your life, of course you want to get started now! It’s okay! ((hugs))
Post # 10
Wow … and I thought I was alone in this secret wedding planning no ring state – you know it’s not even about the ring for me. We dated long distance and I re-structured my career and life to move back from the Caribbean to be with the “one” ~ I didn’t move back with the intention of “snagging a hubby”. The whole thing was discussed ad nauseum before I made the commitment to live here with him. Did you catch that I lived in the CARIBBEAN??? 🙂
ANYWAY ~ there is no doubt on either one of our parts that we want to be married – He instigated pre-cana education; set a date; reserved our venue … basically our entire wedding is planned although no official engagement or ring ~ he keeps elluding to the fact that there has been an issue with the jeweler ~ we started looking for rings in May of LAST YEAR … which made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I wanted him to just pick it out on his own.
So it’s starting to take more of a toll on my self esteem more than anything. I’m mortified when people ask to see the ring, like I’m the only one planning to get married and he hasn’t made it official ~ I’m, pretty traditional and feel like the proposal/engagement is part of the man making an outward comittment. Right now I just feel defeated and kind of stupid. It’s really killing my excitement and since the wedding is planned ~ I really think he thinks that it’s no big deal. He keeps saying, just wait … you’ll be happy. I’m a cigar band kind of girl so I don’t care; what kind of ring takes a YEAR to put together.
Sorry for venting but considering only a few people even know about the wedding – I just didn’t know where to turn!
Post # 11
Awww. My guy did that too. Told me he wanted to marry me 3 months after we met. Last June (nearly 4 years into our relationship) he finally said, “Let’s do it! Give me a chance to propose.” We decided on a summer 2010 wedding, and I started waiting for his proposal. I figured it would take him a few weeks to get a ring and plan a proposal. WRONG! It was several MONTHS (and, unlike your guy, he had no good reason to wait). In the meantime, I had no choice but to start planning the wedding with no ring on my finger. I felt delusional, like a fraud. The whole thing was humiliating, quite frankly, and felt like it would never end.
But…he finally popped the question in a surprising and romantic way with a gorgeous ring and all was forgiven and forgotten. You’ll get there too, believe me. Guys are just a little dense about this sometimes, but you obviously have a good one who loves you and wants to be with you. It doesn’t seem like it now, but the uncomfortable stage you’re currently in is very temporary and you’ll barely remember it once you’re wearing your lovely ring!
Post # 12
Your fiance is dealing with quite a bit at this moment and losing a family member is very hard but it doesn’t take away from his committment to you. My FH proposed before he went back to Holland because he wanted to be sure we were engaged before he left, but I still don’t have my ring and won’t have it for quite some time because while I file for his Fiance Visa he isn’t allowed to come into the states and I won’t be going overseas until the fall, but he wants to buy the ring here so…
We are still wedding planning and we are committed to each other and the ring will come. Don’t feel silly or stupid because as you can see you are not alone