Post # 1
I had posted a few weeks ago about how I was annoyed about DH going out a few times a week. Since then he has kept it to about 1 time a week, sometimes two, but mostly once a week.
Last night he met up with his two best friends, and didn’t come home til 2:45 am. Whatever, thats not why I am mad.
I am mad, annoyed, because its fine if you want to go out, knowing you have work tomorrow, but don’t go out if you can’t be responsible to not drink like theres no tomorrow! The alarm kept going off and I said you have to get up for work. I was almost late because he didn’t get out of the shower til 7am and I need to be in the shower at 6:45. I got a text when I was on my way to work telling me that he called out, he’s too hungover! Well then, you shouldn’t have drank so much, this is not the first time he’s called out of work because he is hungover. I didn’t say anyhting to about this at first, but this is the 3rd time he has done this, and I let him have it.
I said you are not an irresponsible person, so stop acting like it. If you can’t handle going out after work, then don’t drink the way you do. ANd he agreed with me.
I am also thinking about the future when we have kids, he can’t be acting like this, he can’t be coming home drunk on a weeknight.
Am I crazy? Would you be upset? How would you feel?
Edit: I wanted to add that he is still kinda new to thsi job. He started this job on Sept. 30th. And he’s called out 3 times so far this year. Not counting the times he called out between Sept. 30th and Dec. 31st. Not all of them were related to this issue. But the times he called out this year have all been bc he was too hungover.
Post # 3
@Daizy914: I would be furious, but mainly bc I am big stickler for being on time, taking responsiblity, and following through.
If he can’t handle it then work SHOULD be more important. And putting your family, employer etc in a bind bc you CHOSE to drink too much IMO is just ridiculous.
Post # 4
I would absolutely be upset. I might feel differently if he sucked it up and went into work but to call off three times in five months ( especially at a new job) is just downright irresponsible and I would be concerned about what his boss thinks.
Post # 5
@Daizy914: Geez, how old is he? That is so immature.
Post # 6
@rhiannonzdanowicz: exactly. i take pride in my job and would never call out bc i drank too much (but that would never happen because I would drink like that on a weeknight when I have work the next day). I am mad bc this happened multiple times and I am wondering if I need to have a serious talk with him because I worry about when we start TTC
Post # 7
Wow, I would be livid.
He is a married man, with a home and a FT job, and someday, will have children. I would have done the same thing you did. He has responsibilities and can’t be calling out of work for being hungover! Maybe that was acceptable in college, but not now! I would tell him to grow up.
Post # 8
@blushpinkbride: exactly. he is turning 30 in July.
Don’t get me wrong, I love him to pieces, obv bc we have been together for so long and we just got married in Sept. but this is ridiculous.
@MrsBeck: right, I was willing to let it go bc he WAS going to go to work but then as soon as I left the house, he went right back to bed.
Post # 9
Calling out 3 times in 2 months… Yikes!
I have a very big growly issue about adults working in the adult world showing up to their job on time unless it is completely unavoidable. I have had multiple co-workers who were unable to do this and they always made me mad. If my FI ever did this once because he was hung over and not sick, he would get laid into the first time. The second and third times he would be going to work hung over, because his life at home would be worse than dealing with a hang over at work.
Post # 10
If he can’t even be responsible for himself, I would have serious concerns about him being responsible enough to care for another person.
My best friend had a baby with a man who use to call in (often) to work hungover and then she was just home alone every night while he was out with his friends with the baby.
He couldn’t call into work when she would really need him to (ie sick baby) bc he had used his days/endanger of being fired bc of his excessive hangover call ins. That situation was a nightmare for her and a bad example for their daughter.
I would have a conversation with him about this TTC or not.
Post # 11
@Daizy914: Yes, I would be mad.
He sounds like a teenager with their first job, or a 35 year old (just putting in a random age) having a mid life crisis.
My mom went through a mid life crisis when she was around 35 and actually went to work still drunk several times. I still dont know how she kept a job.
Post # 12
@Daizy914: Yes, I would be upset too. Not because of the going out…well,even though I do think 2:45AM on a weeknight is a tad late. I mean, how could anyone stay out that late and not suffer the next morning for work?
No one wants to feel like a “mother” to their husbands and I would probably feel that way a bit if I were in your shoes right now. First, it’s a bit hard to ask him not to go out so much…that in itself would make me feel really weird. He’s adult and if he wants to go out a few times a week, then he should be able to….However, it’s important that he spend time with you and I would hope that he would want to do that on his own accord. I would feel really discouraged having to ask him to do that 🙁
Next, drinking until all hours of the morning during the week…so bad that he’s calling in sick for work! He’s an adult and I agree, he really needs be more responsible. I would be having a serious conversation with him and I totally think your concerns about your future (when you have a baby) is totally valid. That sh*t would not fly with me!
Do you think because he’s brought the “friend time” down to once a week, he feel like he needs to “go harder” (i.e stay out later and drink more) because he feels “that’s his chance for the week?”
Post # 13
@Daizy914: Did he pull this before you got married?
Post # 14
@Daizy914: There is no doubt that I would be upset, more like livid! Job security should be one of the most important things in his life! Maybe he should limit himself to going out once or twice a month. When you go out that often you are going to be more prone to drinking and partying too hard. Sorry you are dealing with a man-child right now 🙁
Post # 15
@Daizy914: I’d be livid.
1 – if I’m hungover, I go to work. It’s my own stupid fault I don’t feel well, I suck it up and go (not so much an issue now that i work 9-5 m-f but when i worked shift work/weekends a hangover was no excuse)
2- HE’S AN ADULT, grow up. He should be responsible enough to realize that this is not approproate behaviour. I would not be happy with him AT ALL.
Post # 16
@BurlapnLace: now that you mention it, prior to getting married, I can’t say that he called out because he was too hungover to go in which makes me wonder.
@marie02: the going out once a week, I told him that 3 times a week is a bit much, twice a week is acceptable I think. not bc I want to spend time with him,also bc we need to save money! (for a house, baby, etc)
I really do need to have a serious conversation because I am concerned