Post # 1
I apologize in advance if this gets too long— I am just so annoyed and on my way to MY family’s Christmas party so I an trying to unleash the negative vibes so I don’t carry that with me.
So if you follow my history- I don’t have a good relationship with Future Sister-In-Law. So much has happened so it isn’t necessary one thing- she is very opinionated on me and my life and I choose not to dollow her opinions, but much rather have my own- hence conflict. For the most part, I only see her during “special events” like birthdays and etc. so not much drama.
Well her and her SO (after 10 or so years of being together) got engaged in 2010. Her proposal was part of the reason mine got pushed back, but that isn’t the sore spot—- after I got my proposal a whole YEAR later, we immediately set a date.
A few weeks later, I find out that she also set a date which was going to be four months before mine…. OK, no problem. Annoying but nothing I will blow my top over.
We were planning a destination wedding then canceled that idea and decided on something local. Then all of a sudden, SHE is planning a destination wedding…. annoying AGAIN.
So yesterday at her Christmas party, she introduces me to her fiance’s sister as her brother’s “girlfriend”, then corrects herself to say fiance… it was the way that it was said that truly irked me. But again, just brushed it off. The fiance’s sister didn’t seem interested in the introductions but rather starts talking about FSIL’s wedding right in front of me, an open conversation that no one else was invited to… which made me feel like this was planned, trying to make me jealous?
I have kept wedding talk seperate from her out of respect- not trying to overshadow her and steal thunder and I kinda felt like she should have done the same. Who knows, maybe I was out of line in my thinking and not seeing that right now because I am so annoyed with her.
Post # 3
It sounds to me like she is trying to do things to irk you/make you jealous. Petty people like that thrive off of being able to make you react, so the biggest thing for you is to learn how to let it roll off your shoulders. Obviously, if she’s trying this hard she’s dealing with some insecurities. So let her be the problem and don’t allow her actions to bring you down! In the case of a conversation like that, I would simply smile, nod and say, “It was a pleasure to meet you” to the sister then excuse yourself.
Post # 4
@armychica06: It’s obvious she is jealous and petty. Be cordial and aloof with her. She deserves your pity, not anger. Let her continue to get upset with you over petty stuff because she has the problem, not you.
Plan your wedding and surroundyourself with those who love you. You can always exxcuse yourself from future conversations or just say hi and walk away
Post # 5
It sounds to me like she is SUPER jealous because she waited a full 10 years for her proposal, and you didn’t. I’d guess she compared rings, or just ignored yours entirely. Ignore her, don’t rise to her bait and enjoy planning your wedding. I’ll guarantee that if she plans her entire wedding JUST to trump yours…she will have a miserable time while you’ll appreciate yours more.
Post # 6
Lower your expectations for her behavior. Stop expecting her to be mature and you won’t be disappointed. If she does show any signs of maturity, you’ll be pleasantly surprised!
Post # 7
I do think it is a compete thing- not necessarily against me, her and my fiance always competed growing up. I admit I have been doing very well not falling into the bait, but then she randomly calls me and says “we should hang out, we are family” and all that other stuff and I want to say “This is why I won’t” and rattle off everything that has irked me. She is two years old than me and acts like she knows everything and her way is the best way, which is fine but don’t press your ideas on my life.
For example, my fiance and I entered premarital counseling. She called me up and without ANY provocation said “I don’t like your counselor, you both should go to the one my fiance and I went to”. WTF? No thanks.
Another example, my engagement ring. My fiance knew exactly the ring I wanted, a Tiffany beaded round brilliant. We were going to pay for it with his income tax refund because he was getting back way more than we expected. Once she found out that we were buying a Tiffany ring, she tells him to look at the jewelers that her fiance went to and get a ring there— we didn’t ask for her opinion nor help.
So many other examples but this is why I truly just stay away from her. I understand my fiance is her brother but she is pretty nosy and offers five cents, even when she isn’t asked for it. My Future Mother-In-Law used to do the same but she has toned down a lot because she sees that I am not falling to the bait. Hopefully Future Sister-In-Law does the same.