Post # 1
I just had a really awkward conversation with my dad.
My parents are divorced, and while I love both of my parents very much, I don’t talk about the wedding planning as much with my dad as I do with my mom. My dad has never been very good with money (investing, saving etc..), but he has a good paying job and he manages to get by and enjoy some perks (trips, expensive hobbies like golf and he owns racehorses etc..). My mom is in a little bit better financial situation, but I knew from the get-go that my fiancé and I would be paying for the bulk of our wedding ourselves, but I thought my parents might contribute a little.
We are just in the planning stages now and getting quotes from vendors etc… The food was beginning to look like it might cost around 3 grand, but nothing was final. One day, while I was chatting with my mom I asked her if she would be willing to pay for half of the food (around 1500 or so I was thinking), and I mentioned that my father may be able to pay the other half. She said she would be glad to pay half, and that she would ask my dad. I specifically asked her to wait until I had a more firm cost before asking my dad to split the bill as I wanted both of them to know what they were getting into before anyone committed to anything. Well, of course she doesn’t listen, called him up, and asked straight-out what he was willing to contribute.
The awkward part was that my dad just called me at work (I sit next to co-workers), and says, “What’s wrong with you? Is there something you want to ask me?” Since I didn’t know mom had already said anything, I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about! He sounded really annoyed, and said “Is there something wrong with you. Why don’t you just ask me yourself?” That’s what I clued in. I was about to say something, but then he blurts out that he would give us $2000.00 in 4 installments throughout the year and that I can spend it on the wedding as I would like, and then he rushed off the phone. I am very, very thankful for his offer, but I couldn’t really thank him properly or anything since I am at work, and he also sounded so annoyed and rushed off the phone that I didn’t really get a chance to say anything.
I’m not even sure if he actually wants / can contribute or if he just agreed because of my mom. How would you girls address this? What should I say? Help!
Post # 3
Geez, sucks that your mom went ahead and did that. But I would just call him back and tell him that you had only talked about your mom helping out with half, and did not in any way shape or form ask her to ask him for you and you in fact told her NOT to since you wanted to talk to him yourself. Apologize for the misunderstanding and have a real talk with him about the miscommunication and then discuess any money he can or cannot contribute… see where it goes from there.
Post # 4
Ummm I think he has it the other way around. It wasn’t your job to ask him for money. If parents want to contribute they should call you/sit you down and tell you how much they want to contribute.
I was pretty hurt that DH’s parents only talked to him about money and not me.
Post # 5
@pinkshoes: i agree.
OP, apologize to your dad for the misunderstanding and tell him your mom was out of line and talking out of her ass. tell him what you were hoping for and let him know that you certainly don’t expect it, it’s just an opportunity to contribute if he feels like it.
Post # 6
Aw that’s super awkward. I’d probably call him when I got out of work and explain what happened.
Post # 7
Its ok.. I know how that might make you feel.. Your dad sounds sad- just like others said, call him up and apologize and then thank him properly and explain to him how you couldnt show him how grateful you were at work since you were at work. Maybe you can try to meet him up during the weekend over lunch or something and talk things out? explain to him how great it would be if you had some financial help.
Post # 8
I would call back when you have time and explain that you briefly mentioned it to your mom and specifically asked her not to say anything as you wanted to wait until you had more details/concrete cost before saying anything.Tell him you’re sorry that about the miscommunication and that you are very grateful for anything he is able to contribute.
Then call your mom and ask that she kindly refrain from passing along information that you asked or not to.
Or better yet, keep her on a need-to-know basis.
Post # 9
Yep, call, explain, apologize, and properly thank him.
and whether or not you “believe” in astrology, two days ago was the beginning of Mercury retrograde, when the planet appears to travel backwards. Since Mercury rules communication, this is when things go awry: misunderstandings, miscommunications, etc.
I’ve been dealing with this type of things for the past couple of days too, so just letting you know!