Super bummed.. my mom told me last night she doesn't think I'm ready for kids…

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

FutureMrsGG:  My mom kind of did the same thing. We never told her we were NTNP, but if I ever talked about kids, she would always be like, “You have time.” And she would change the subject or just not seem excited. Well, she was pretty shocked when I got pregnant because she assumed I was still on BC. She kept getting more and more excited as my pregnancy progressed. She now cares for my son during the day and is asking when we will be having another one.

I think its kind of like a wedding. Nobody is as excited as you. Then when the wedding gets closer or it happens, everyone is happy, excited, and has fun with it. Same with pregnancy (typically). Until it happens she will probably shrug it off a bit.

Post # 3
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius

FutureMrsGG:  It’s such a personal decision between you and your partner when you are ready for kids. It’s you who will be brining up your child, when babies are tiny they don’t need masses of space, what they do need is a loving family. If you are ready, feel comfortable and stable enough to TTC then go for it. Sure your mum might be a big part of your child’s life, but she is not the baby’s mother, and that is not her decision to make.

Sure if you had a tiny one bed place you had no intentions of moving, either you or your partner (or both) were not in work and were not financially ready for a family, or either of you had underlying issues that needed addressing I could understand her concern, however just having a 2 bed place is not a reason!

Sometimes people just always go at things with caution and it’s their way of protecting you, they don’t always think about your feelings and that it’s something you are excited about. Perhaps she wasn’t expecting it and didn’t know quite how to react?!

Post # 4
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

FutureMrsGG:  It is probably more like she isn’t ready to be a grandmother. Some women struggle with the fact that yes, they are old enough for that to happen.

Personally, I can’t wait. My daughter is only 17, so I don’t want it happening too soon(like, not in the next 5 years), but I’d love a grandson 

Post # 5
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

FutureMrsGG:  My mother had a similar reaction.  I told her we were trying and she went, “Already?!  I’m not sure you guys know what you’re getting into!”  Well…we’ve been married almost 3 years, own our house, both have decent jobs; I just turned 30.  I don’t know if you ever know 100% what you’re getting into since each child is different, but we certainly didn’t just randomly decide it was time.  We’ve been trying for 6 months to no avail and I was hoping she would be a good sounding board since my husband and I are both fairly private and haven’t felt like we could talk to anyone about it.  I guess she’s not going to be my go-to on this one!  

Sorry to hear your mom was not super supportive either, but it sounds like you have put a lot of thought into it and are ready.

Post # 6
1473 posts
Bumble bee

Could it be that she’s not ready to become a Grandmother? 30 is a good age to have children and it sounds like you’re ready. If I were you, I wouldn’t want to wait any longer since I plan to have at least 3 kids! 

I think she’s not ready herself, and maybe has a hard time seeing you grown up. I wouldn’t take it too personally, especially since it really does sound like you are ready.

Post # 7
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

FutureMrsGG:  That sucks to hear from your mom. But it isn’t her decision. I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t read too far into it.

I told my MIL that I wanted kids “soon” and she told me that I was too young and I should start a business first… I don’t want to start a business. I have a great job, good savings, we bought a 4 bedroom home so we wouldn’t have to move when we did have kids… She didn’t have kids till she was 37, so I think she thinks that is the right time to have them. It may have been right for her, but I’m not her. So I just brushed it off.

It is up to DH and me when we have kids. And that is IT.

Post # 8
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My in-laws said stuff like that and it really bothered me, to the point where I told DH that I didn’t want to talk about babies with them at all.  That was the end of it until we told them that we’re expecting, and now they are totally thrilled, supportive, and over-the-moon about it!  I have five pieces of baby clothes already (both for boys and girls since we don’t know), and it doesn’t show signs of stopping.

I think people get weirded out by the idea of kids (no idea why), but once the reality hits, they’re more accepting.  You guys sound like you’re in a perfectly good place to have kids.

Post # 9
8503 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

My mom was pretty shocked by my pregnancy, and she was never one that pushed me to have kids.  She always said I could have them or not, she didn’t care and there was no rush.  I was 29 and she also waited until 31 to have me so she definitely was the opposite of pressuring for grandkids, she probably would have said the same thing if I told her I was ready to get pregnant lol.

But she absolutely loves her grandbaby!

I wouldn’t let it bother you.

Post # 10
7923 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

That statement was likely all about her and zero about you. She’s probably just not ready to think of herself as a grandma and you as an actual adult and mom. Luckily… It’s not up to her! Mama is not in charge of your 29 year old uterus and Id sure as hell tell her that if she comments rudely again. 

Post # 11
3430 posts
Sugar bee

FutureMrsGG:  It’s none of your mom’s business if and when you and your husband decide to conceive and have a child.  WTF?  That’s incredibly rude of her,  I know my mom didn’t think I was ready at first, but OOPS baby’s already cooking.  I know I wasn’t ready either, but my husband and I got ready very quickly, and my mom realizes now that we’ve become excellent parents (compared to who we were before, we were selfish, and spent our money kind of frivously).

My mom is in her 50’s and loves being a grandma.  Some women want to be at least in their 60’s.  I know a woman who can’t handle being a grandma and wants her grandchildren to call her by her first name, because being called grandma made her feel old… I feel like you want to be a grandma, you’re gonna get called grandma.

Post # 12
6692 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s also possible that the real reason is  she thinks you should spend time adjusting to married life before TTC right away.  A lot of marriages don’t even last the first few years. 

Or even that she doesn’t entirely love your new H. 

Post # 13
2798 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Some people are just SHOCKED that you can have a baby in an apartment and not have a house first.  They have a checklist of everything you need and if you aren’t in their checklist, they think that you are doing it wrong.  Honestly, the checklist means very little when you are ready. 

Post # 14
6692 posts
Bee Keeper

Are there any other concerns about the two of you TTC that you think your mother may have? 

Post # 15
209 posts
Helper bee

My mother has this habbit on everything I do/plan to do. 

 I wasn’t ready for babies. Wouldn’t be for a long time, couldn’t cope with pregnancy yada yada yada … well we’re pregnant so suck it Mum!  Coping just fine. Now she says Im not ready to get married, I wont handle child birth. I have a big shock coming when baby gets here. 

She forgets I spent 2 years as a live in Nanny and oh yeah, raised my youngest sister becuase she was very ill and bedridden for 18 months. (Shes ok now, was pretty scarey). 

I think mums just have us in this “thier little girl” boxes and we’ll forever stay in that box. They will always think they know best and we don’t know what we want. -_____-

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