(Closed) Super confused, don't know how I feel…

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My DH and I used the pull out method for nearly 10 years with no scare, too. My hubby is just really in tune with his body and can control his orgasm, which is why we never had an oops. We are now ttc. You shouldn’t have kids because you think it’s what you should be doing. There needs to be a strong desire within you to have a baby, like nothing else is as important as creating a baby with your DH; everything else is secondary. Though I don’t know you personally, I would say you’re not ready yet. A baby, for you, right now, isn’t at the top of your priority list. That is not a bad thing either- you’re still young! Age is more of a concern for a female and not a male. Good luck with whatever you decide to do 🙂

 

 

 

Post # 4
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well, if you’re using the pull out method, and you’re in a commited, monogamous relationship, you be open to the idea of getting pregnant, at least on some level.

I think it’s natural that you’re having conflicting feelings. YOu think about them having cousins around the same age, you see how cute they are without having to take care of them 24/7, and your man wants to be a Dad.

the age difference is tricky, to be sure. I’m 35 and pregnant for the first time, and this is perfect timing for me in my life. But I’m not you! 

It sounds like you want a few more years to focus on you, your career, etc. 

Enjoy being an Auntie! as for possible infertility, I think it’s more likely that you’ve just been careful and have been good at preventing an unwanted pregnancy.

If you’re ok with it happening unplanned, then continuing on the path you’re on is fine!

Post # 5
Member
6702 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Baby boy 12/2015

@honie309:  I think I know where you coming from. I have had this conflicting idea too. Although I am 28 and still at school, DH and I have decided that we would try to get pregnant before I am 30 and finish school. We already bought a home, so that part is done. 

My education is important, but my youth would not be there forever. We decided that I can continue to finish school and be pregnant all at the same time. My education is so important that I am not giving up just because I get pregnant.

Deciding when to have a baby has to be a decision that both you and your DH agree on. Only you can decide and don’t just have a baby because everyone else is having them. 

Post # 6
Member
5015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you’re only 24, I would do your MBA now because it’s way less likely you’ll go back and do it after having children. It’s an extremely useful degree and a B.A. is not (I have one too, I don’t mean this as an insult!), and your potential salary would go way up with an MBA. If you were 30, I might say to wait on school, but being so young and not feeling totally ready to get pregnant, I would not wait. You could potentially start school next fall (assuming it’s too late to apply for this fall) when you’re 25 and get pregnant when you’re 26/27 and almost done with school. Your FI will only be 34 which is not old at all! 

Post # 7
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

I think if your ready have children then you should seriously think about it, talk about it with your SO and really consider if you are ready.

 I am a firm believer in education and we are a very similar age ( I am 23) so I totally understand where you are coming from. By next Feb I will have three qualifications (all of them in accounting and financial planning) and when we plan on having children I will be going for my CPA and my career will only have just started.

But, you can continue to study whilst pregnant and during the time you have off work to stay at home with your baby (assuming you have a year off work). You may find it takes some time to get pregnant, our fertility window each month is not very long at all. We can always go back to education (assuming you are motivated – which it sounds as though you are). The banking sector is also extremely flexible when it comes to having children. i.e. you can take a year/two off work and then transition to part-time then move back to full time.

What type of business sector would you like to become involved in?

Post # 8
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t know how other bees will take what I’m saying but I want a big family so…

Our plan is to start now. My husband is done with school and can provide for our family. It’s VERY important to me that I be able to stay home for the first year after our babies birth to help its development and I still have 2 years until graduation.

Since my husband can support us, we are going ahead and working on a baby, that way I will still be in school for its first year and will be able to stay home with it most of the time instead of working, not to mention not many places will want to hire me if I tell them “well I’m gonna need a year off work when I have my baby”.

I’ve been in school full time, worked full time and took care of a baby. It was relatively easy when I was just in school full time taking care of my daughter, the teachers recommended I only go to school part time but I didn’t see a need for that since I had plenty of time and it was all easy. Now that my daughter is 5, it’s a bit difficult to be in school full time with her but none the less definately doable. 

I say, if you want a child and if you are financially ready, go ahead and go for it. 

We plan to have 2 more kids though, through fostering, in about 5 years so we’re baby making early. I’m 26, husband is 27 btw

Post # 10
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I don’t consider 30 (you) and 40 (him) old to have a kid, but maybe that’s just my social circle.  Pretty much nobody in my circle has kids in their early/mid twenties (at least not on purpose).  Sounds to me like you’re not quite ready yet.

Post # 11
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

honie309 accounting is great – I have moved into Financial Planning but both areas are really interesting. Could you do it via correspondence? That is how I am finishing my degree – I am doing a full time (and a half) uni degree, plus I also work full time at one of the big 4 banks. All the hard work deffinately will pay off and it is such an interesting field of work, plus you get to help people and earn a bucket of money.

I would only really start thinking about children when your ready, would your husband mind waiting a year or two?

Post # 12
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@honie309:  The best best best advice I have ever heard is to take an entire week and imagine having a baby/toddler/child (not teenager, because you can leave them home alone by that point and they’ll be fine) and imagine what life would be like with one. What could you be doing, what would you have to stop, etc. See if you’re ready for it yet.  

There is no way I, or any other bee, can tell you what you need to do, because only you can decide if you’re ready for a little one or not.

Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I wouldn’t dive into the kid thing until I was 100% sure I wanted to do it. Hanging around other people’s children is VERY different from having one of your own.

 

Post # 14
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee

@honie309:  Not really sure what advice I can give, exept on him being 40- no biggie. My dad was 39 (two weeks from his 40th birthday) when I was born. My mom was 32 and honestly, she didn’t even think she could have kids anymore. The only reason she found out was because they had to do a pregnancy test before some X-Rays. So if you want to wait, wait. Don’t rush into having a baby before you’re ready.

Post # 16
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee

@honie309:   “It’s selfish to wait this long, don’t you realize the health risks involved?” To me, that argument makes no sense. I would think it would be more selfLESS to be willing to bring a child into this world when you know it’ll be harder instead of only wanting one as long as the toll on your body is an easy one. And I think that when personal matters such as babies are concerned, society can go shove it. There are so many children unwanted by their parents (even a few in my family!) because the parents thought having children was the socially expected thing to do.

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