Post # 1
I am new around. I am not yet engaged, but we have discussed the wedding few times already and I guess I’m going to get engaged within next 6 months. We are paying for the wedding ourselves – I’ll use my savings and my boyfriend will probably save up for a year and a half, so there’s more than enough time to think about whom to invite. But here’s my problem – I am extremely introverted, and for a couple of years I have battled with depression and l’ve lost contact with most of my friends. I wanted a really small wedding, just family and up to 4 friends, or a destination wedding – even elopement, but my BF is mortified about not having a traditional wedding with at least 50 guests. I only have 2 friends (husband and wife), who are like my family, and all the others are friends of my BF. My guestlist would include 4 people of my family and those 2 friends. It’s can hardly imagine such a large crowd on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of my life, I can’t really bear only having 6 guests of my own and more than 44 of my BF.
I am dreading my wedding day and I have no plan.
I was thinking of maybe reconnecting with some of my highschool girlfriends, but most of them didn’t reply to my messages ( I casualy asked them how they were and whether they would like to meet up for a coffee or something), and those who did, were not really interested. I never got close with my coworkers, who are almost exclusively men. There are some exceptions, however, but I somehow have the luck on meeting a person, fall completely in love (as friends) with them, and they ALWAYS get relocated within 6 months in other country.
So there are about 5 more people with whom I REALLY connected, but we barely know each other and I don’t know if it’s appropiate to invite them. I don’t know how to tell them “Hey, I know that we don’t know each other very much, but I like you much better than most of the people I know for years, and it would be wonderful if you could come to my wedding and share my special day with me. I’d prefer to have a person whom I really like, to a person I know for a long time and don’t like very much.”. I am really scared I would come out as creepy. What if they would come and see that I am a “friendless loser”, what if they would think that I only invited them because I didn’t know whom to invite – which would only be half true, because those are really special people and I would really like them to come, even though they live in other countries and there is only a slight chance they could make it.
What are you thoughts about this? Did some of you have the same problem as me?
Oh how I wish I didn’t have to deal with this … but it would be my BFs wedding same as mine and I really want him to be happy. (btw, I’m 30 and he’s 33)
Post # 2
I don’t know that you really need to make friends just to invite more people. He should invite who he wants and you invite who you want.
Since you’ve already reached out to old friends (good for you!), I’d try to focus on becoming friends with FIs friends and family. You also might want to work on making your own friends for your sake not with the intention of having additional wedding guests.
Post # 3
There is NOTHING wrong with not having lots of people to invite!!!
Post # 4
this is the exact situation I am in. I only have 5 immediate family members I want there and the rest of the guests will be about 30+ people on boy’s side. but I’m not upset about it one bit. I love his friends and family, and they’re my family now too! instead of dwelling on the friends you perceive yourself to be missing, why not be grateful for all the loving friends and family that are now adopting you into their circle 🙂
Post # 5
First, as long as you don’t follow the “his side”, “her side” tradition for seating, no one will know who was invited by whom. In other words, the people you might invite who you don’t know terribly well will only see people, not “his people” vs yours. DH and I were very much like this when we married. I know a tremendous number of people casually, but there are few people I am close to. DH invited more people than I did, but at the wedding, no one knew who was from which side (except families obviously knew who was family). This isn’t a big deal and things will go just fine.
Post # 6
If this experience has showed you that you would like more close friends in your life, you can always make an effort to connect with people from now on, the side benefit being that you have enough time to potentially make some good friends before your wedding.
But if you’re happy with the number of friends you have in other aspects of your life, don’t fret over just one day. There’s nothing wrong with most of the guests being from your BF’s side, who cares? They’re there to support you both anyway.
Post # 7
I thought I had the same problem too but turns out there’s a lot of people to invite. I would definitely recommend inviting more coworkers from you and FI work, even more family. Don’t have traditional sides for seating either, make a little cute sign that says sit wherever you want.
Post # 8
It’s ok, my sister’s wedding was a bit like this and it wasn’t a problem or noticeable at all. If you’re friends with your BF’s friends then they’re your friends too you know! Even if they knew him first. My sister also invited some people from overseas that she hadn’t had contact with for a long time but still felt a connection to. I am 100% sure it didn’t come off as desperate, they were all delighted and honestly turned out to be the most helpful, fun and enthusiastic guests there. My sister even decided to have one of them sign the marriage licence as a witness! So I say definitely invite those people. You don’t have to give a big explanation about why they’re invited. Just send the invite and say you’d love to have them there. Do you really only have 4 family members? Grandparents, cousins?
Also make sure you come to an agreement with your BF for 50 people or under so it doesn’t creep up.
Post # 9
Honestly, I only have 3 best friends and the rest of my invites were family. I didn’t feel bummed that I had practically nobody to invite. Most of my family and all of my best friends couldn’t come so I only have 9 people coming to the wedding and the rest are SO’s family and friends. I’ve met most of his family and friends so I know the people who will be there, my main goal wasn’t to have a whole lot of people there but people I would be comfortable around. Nobody should feel anxious being around strangers at their own wedding.
Post # 10
I went to the wedding of a coworker the other day. We only knew each other for a month or two when he invited me and I though it was a very nice gesture. No one is going to think less of you if you invite them when you don’t know them that well they will only be honored that you even considered inviting them.
Also, him inviting me to his wedding made me make more of an effort to get to know him a bit more and to meet his then fiance. I did hear from him that her side was a lot bigger then his side (So i think he was in a similar position you are in now), but on the wedding day I really could not tell who belonged to who, everyone was just there for the couple not just the bride or the groom.
Post # 11
beejolly : those 5 people you feel a connection with..can you work on building those friendships up over the next year? You have plenty of time. Gauge their interests and see if you can suggest activities to do together. Are they in relationships? Ask them all to bring their SO’s to a dinner party and expand your joint friends
Post # 12
I’m going through a similar thing myself. My FI has a huge family and he’s pretty extroverted and has a lot of friends to invite. I have only a few close friends and I’m not in touch with any of my extended family. I figure as long as we don’t seperate the “his and her” side, no one will notice. I also want to find good entertainment to ensure people are mingling, blending, and having fun.
Good for you reaching out to old friends. If they’re unresponsive, don’t take it to heart. People get busy. You also still have plenty of time to work on building relationships with coworkers, FI’s friends and their partners (if they have them). Then it will feel less like they’re “his” people and more just couple friends.
Lastly, I would recommend switching your perspective from appearing “friendless loser” to “unique mysterious”. Just think of history’s leading women and pioneers. Many were introverted and lone wolfs. You’re in good company ;).
Post # 13
i asked DH for a list, he gave me a list of 300 people. i don’t even know 300 people. i had 40 people to invite between family, my friends, and my mom’s friends.
my mom paid for our wedding and i thought 120 people was reasonable. so i had DH cut his list down to 80 people.
it did not feel one sided at all, everyone was there to celebrate us.
Post # 14
I have the same problem. I have 1 best friend, and a lot of acquaintances that I’m not close with at all.
Our wedding is August 2018, but we decided on having a very intimate ceremony (13 guests) and then we’re throwing a more casual wedding celebration afterwards, where we’re inviting close to 60 people. Fiance is very social and has a huge family, so this compromise worked for him.
Post # 15
Over the course of our relationship, I’ve become very friendly with my husband’s friends, but in terms of MY friends that I invited to the wedding, I invited maybe 5 or 6 and 3 came? It wasn’t a big deal at all; we had a fairly small wedding with our mutual friends and our families and it wasn’t weird. I’m introverted and don’t feel the need to go out and make/maintain a lot of new friendships, especially not for my wedding day.