Super-introvert guest list – barely any people to invite :(

posted 4 weeks ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I don’t know that you really need to make friends just to invite more people. He should invite who he wants and you invite who you want.

Since you’ve already reached out to old friends (good for you!), I’d try to focus on becoming friends with FIs friends and family. You also might want to work on making your own friends for your sake not with the intention of having additional wedding guests.

Post # 3
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

There is NOTHING wrong with not having lots of people to invite!!!

Post # 4
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

this is the exact situation I am in.  I only have 5 immediate family members I want there and the rest of the guests will be about 30+ people on boy’s side.  but I’m not upset about it one bit.  I love his friends and family, and they’re my family now too!  instead of dwelling on the friends you perceive yourself to be missing, why not be grateful for all the loving friends and family that are now adopting you into their circle 🙂

Post # 5
Member
4165 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

First, as long as you don’t follow the “his side”, “her side” tradition for seating, no one will know who was invited by whom. In other words, the people you might invite who you don’t know terribly well will only see people, not “his people” vs yours. DH and I were very much like this when we married. I know a tremendous number of people casually, but there are few people I am close to. DH invited more people than I did, but at the wedding, no one knew who was from which side (except families obviously knew who was family). This isn’t a big deal and things will go just fine.

Post # 6
Member
45 posts
Newbee

If this experience has showed you that you would like more close friends in your life, you can always make an effort to connect with people from now on, the side benefit being that you have enough time to potentially make some good friends before your wedding.

But if you’re happy with the number of friends you have in other aspects of your life, don’t fret over just one day. There’s nothing wrong with most of the guests being from your BF’s side, who cares? They’re there to support you both anyway.

Post # 7
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

 I thought I had the same problem too but turns out there’s a lot of people to invite. I would definitely recommend inviting more coworkers from you and FI work, even more family. Don’t have traditional sides for seating either, make a little cute sign that says sit wherever you want. 

Post # 8
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

It’s ok, my sister’s wedding was a bit like this and it wasn’t a problem or noticeable at all. If you’re friends with your BF’s friends then they’re your friends too you know! Even if they knew him first. My sister also invited some people from overseas that she hadn’t had contact with for a long time but still felt a connection to. I am 100% sure it didn’t come off as desperate, they were all delighted and honestly turned out to be the most helpful, fun and enthusiastic guests there. My sister even decided to have one of them sign the marriage licence as a witness! So I say definitely invite those people. You don’t have to give a big explanation about why they’re invited. Just send the invite and say you’d love to have them there. Do you really only have 4 family members? Grandparents, cousins?

Also make sure you come to an agreement with your BF for 50 people or under so it doesn’t creep up.

Post # 9
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Honestly, I only have 3 best friends and the rest of my invites were family. I didn’t feel bummed that I had practically nobody to invite. Most of my family and all of my best friends couldn’t come so I only have 9 people coming to the wedding and the rest are SO’s family and friends. I’ve met most of his family and friends so I know the people who will be there, my main goal wasn’t to have a whole lot of people there but people I would be comfortable around. Nobody should feel anxious being around strangers at their own wedding.

Post # 10
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

I went to the wedding of a coworker the other day. We only knew each other for a month or two when he invited me and I though it was a very nice gesture. No one is going to think less of you if you invite them when you don’t know them that well they will only be honored that you even considered inviting them.

Also, him inviting me to his wedding made me make more of an effort to get to know him a bit more and to meet his then fiance. I did hear from him that her side was a lot bigger then his side (So i think he was in a similar position you are in now), but on the wedding day I really could not tell who belonged to who, everyone was just there for the couple not just the bride or the groom. 

Post # 11
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

beejolly :  those 5 people you feel a connection with..can you work on building those friendships up over the next year? You have plenty of time. Gauge their interests and see if you can suggest activities to do together. Are they in relationships? Ask them all to bring their SO’s to a dinner party and expand your joint friends 

Post # 12
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m going through a similar thing myself. My FI has a huge family and he’s pretty extroverted and has a lot of friends to invite. I have only a few close friends and I’m not in touch with any of my extended family. I figure as long as we don’t seperate the “his and her” side, no one will notice. I also want to find good entertainment to ensure people are mingling, blending, and having fun.

Good for you reaching out to old friends. If they’re unresponsive, don’t take it to heart. People get busy. You also still have plenty of time to work on building relationships with coworkers, FI’s friends and their partners (if they have them). Then it will feel less like they’re “his” people and more just couple friends. 

Lastly, I would recommend switching your perspective from appearing “friendless loser” to “unique mysterious”. Just think of history’s leading women and pioneers. Many were introverted and lone wolfs. You’re in good company ;).

Post # 13
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i asked DH for a list, he gave me a list of 300 people.  i don’t even know 300 people.  i had 40 people to invite between family, my friends, and my mom’s friends.

my mom paid for our wedding and i thought 120 people was reasonable.  so i had DH cut his list down to 80 people.

it did not feel one sided at all, everyone was there to celebrate us.

Post # 14
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I have the same problem. I have 1 best friend, and a lot of acquaintances that I’m not close with at all.
Our wedding is August 2018, but we decided on having a very intimate ceremony (13 guests) and then we’re throwing a more casual wedding celebration afterwards, where we’re inviting close to 60 people. Fiance is very social and has a huge family, so this compromise worked for him. 

Post # 15
Member
1439 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Over the course of our relationship, I’ve become very friendly with my husband’s friends, but in terms of MY friends that I invited to the wedding, I invited maybe 5 or 6 and 3 came? It wasn’t a big deal at all; we had a fairly small wedding with our mutual friends and our families and it wasn’t weird. I’m introverted and don’t feel the need to go out and make/maintain a lot of new friendships, especially not for my wedding day.

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