Post # 1
I am not a big forum user but for some reason I seem to be posting a lot on here. I just had a question. I see some bees with their wedding dates next to their names and I am seeing wedding dates YEARS from now!??? This absolutly blew my mind! I saw one bee trying to buy a dress for her wedding in two years!! I mean I understand some situations call for more planning out of town family finances but a couple years out…really?
I guess this is shocking to me because I was engaged in Feburary 2012 and will be getting married only 6 months after our engagment. And most of my friends have done the same.
I love my Fiance so much and we are so excited to start our life together. Build up our home, travel together, be a married couple! Dont get me wrong I am super super excited to be having a wedding. But im honestly looking forward to after the wedding! Just being a wife and one day a mom! But it seems like more focus is on throwing the best party of their lives, having a huge big wedding instead of focusing on the real reason you are getting married in the first place. To spend a life time with them, not a life time planning a wedding! I made a commitment by saying yes I will marry you why would I drag that promise out. Maybe I am more traditional Im excited to take on his name to switch everything in our name, to introduce him as my husband and to be “as one”.
Anyways am I the only one who finds it odd that people plan their weddings so so far in advance? Any other bees getting married in less than a year from engagment?
Post # 3
I know a friend of mine will be engaged 3 years by the time of her wedding. But only started dress shopping a year in advance. They waited for financial reasons.
I’m like you though, I couldn’t imagine being engaged longer than a year. To me getting engaged is a stepping stone to being married, not a waiting zone. I want a marriage not a wedding. No one in my family has been engaged longer than 9 months. My parents were engaged 4.
I do understand if it’s financially driven, but I don’t get the “I’m waiting x long so I can have the venue/photographer/whatever of my dreams”.
Don’t mean to offend anyone on here.
(I should add that I’m a waiting bee)
Post # 4
@ladyartichoke: “I want a marriage not a wedding.”
Exactly what I was trying to get across! Could not have sumed it up better.
Post # 5
I don’t find it odd, but I personally don’t care for it and it’s not for me. Fiance knew this, so he knew that when he propsed, it had to be at the right time, since he knew I wouldn’t want to be engaged more than a year. We haven’t seen long-engagements go well.
I had a friend be engaged for two years so she could save $2,000 month, on top of what her family and her now DH’s family was giving them. She had a set wedding plan since she was 12-years-old and was going to have it, even if it meant waiting that long to get the money to make it happen. She bought her dress within three months of getting engaged and had to have it altered at least five times and she sent out her STD magnets a year and a half before the wedding. It really got old and it was more of a “Thank God they’re finally married!” type of wedding, as grand and over-excessive as it was.
Post # 6
My FI’s brother just got engaged. They aren’t setting a date, but I know they won’t get married for at least 2 years. They are both getting Masters degrees right now and FI’s brother is planning on a doctor’s after that. They both live with their parents and can’t afford to move out, so they’re waiting a couple years until they get real jobs and can support themselves.
My Fiance could have chosen to propose in our senior year of college, but he waited until he was 1 year into his graduate degree so we would only have a 1 year engagement.
It just depends on the couple – I don’t think it’s odd to be engaged longer, just difficult if you want to be married but can’t because of school and or finances.
Post # 7
Sometimes it has to do with taking care of various things (like finishing school) before getting married.
My fiance and I live together and consider each other family, so we’ve already started our life together (or at least we see it that way).
I get what you are saying though. I need to take care of a few things before we make it legal, but then we are planning to do a quick elopement instead of taking 1 or 2 years to plan a wedding 🙂
Oh I should add that I’d rather have my long engagement than spend those years waiting!
Post # 8
Our engagement was 2 years and 1 month. We’re at 11 months and change now! We are saving money to buy a house just before marriage and wanted to pay for most of the wedding ourself.
It worked for us!
Post # 9
I made a commitment by saying yes I will marry you why would I drag that promise out.
Drag that promise out? Fiance and I made a ‘commitment’ to each other when we started dating 8 years ago. What’s the huge rush to have a wedding? We have the whole rest of our lives together. We don’t need to hurry up and get married to prove that we are together and committed to each other.
When all is said and done, Fiance and I will be engaged for 22 months. It was a mutual decision, Fiance and I both decided the timeline of our engagement. It had to do with multiple factors, including financial issues, work schedules, venue choice, season, etc.
Also, we have been able to break down the wedding planning and do things on our own time. We both work full-time and we are house hunting. Planning a wedding is extrememly time consuming and it works better for us that we take our time. It’s been a lot less stressful because we can plan things and then take breaks and enjoy spending time together sans wedding planning.
Post # 10
@BetterSherm: wow yeah that seems excessive. STD year and half in advance!! Thats crazy! Like you said she just wanted a wedding. And some girls are like that some dream of the perfect wedding as kids. I was not lol
@danicalifornia: Now this I can understand and I guess I should not judge all those with far out wedding dates but I think how your Fiance did it was reasonable
Post # 11
Fiance and I will be engaged for about 2-3 years before we are able to get married. We were together for 3 before we got engaged. We were supposed to get married a year after our engagement but I decided to go on for more education, so it was wisest to wait. Even though we can’t wait to get married. And before I move 4 hours away he wanted to propose to me.
Our parents give us a lot of grief over us having a long engagement and not having a new date nailed down, but we have to do what is right for us. The only person that really understands is my grandmother who was engaged to my grandfather for four years while she waited for WWII to end and for him to come home. (She didn’t want to be an army wife.)
Post # 12
I understand what PPs have said about wanting to finish school etc. SO and I just decided we wanted to be done with all those things before we got engaged rather than get engaged knowing we’d have to wait to get married.
Post # 13
everyone is different, I got engaged to my fiance after 3 1/2 years and we’re marrying on our 5 year anniversary
I don’t see why there is a huge rush…a wedding is a big expense…and a lot of planning is involved…
@BetterSherm: Damn you’re pretty harsh–I mean I’m not one of those girls that is obsessed with her wedding but if someone is….so what? It’s their relationship!
I say if your relationship can’t survive a long engagement you probably have no business getting married!
Post # 14
Your post sounds a bit judgmental and jumping to conclusions about people who wait longer than 6-12 months to get married. I don’t think you can make a general statement that people who wait a few years to get married want the wedding not the marriage. We have a 13 month engagement – I would have been happier with shorter, but was for venue and season purposes. I still think you need at least 9-12 months to really plan a wedding without rushing – wedding dress alone takes around 6 months to come in! We are happy to have the time to really plan things out and to enjoy our engagement before we had to jump right into planning. I wish we were getting married 6 months ago but a year isn’t that long – and is pretty “average”
Post # 15
@sylvia.riggle: I didn’t meant to come across as harsh. I’m glad she had the wedding of her dreams. There’s many more factors that pertain to this bride that I just left for time’s sake, as well as getting off the topic at hand. I didn’t/don’t judge her. I just explained here her specific scenario and my personal disagreement with it. To each their own.
Post # 16
@sylvia.riggle: I say if your relationship can’t survive a long engagement you probably have no business getting married!
THIS!!!!! We don’t have a long engagement – but that is SO true!