- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
Earlier today I wrote a ranty thread about my husband being moody, unhelpful, and generally not himself. Bees quickly found the root of the problem, so I decided to delete the thread and start over with something nicer.
In a nutshell, my husband works for a pretty horrible guy. I could write a book on the subject, so I will just leave it at this: My husband is miserable, is in an unsafe work environment, and has been seeking out a new job for months. He trained in green building and renewable energy, and he loves that, but he is so miserable that he is job hunting in all categories. He’s not getting call backs though, and the one time he came close, they hired a guy with no experience.
My husband is typically the type of guy to see the good in everything, the one with the big smile and bigger heart, who sings and whistles and is generally happy. In the past few months, that’s changed. He is cranky, he loathes going to work, when his phone rings he literally shudders. He is fading away, and our negative emotions combined is putting our brand new marriage on rocky ground. This is our first major hurdle after seven happy years together, so it’s been quite a shock.
Today we had to run out to buy a new car battery because mine died (awesome) and that incident pushed us together. We ended up doing some wandering and going out for supper, and we talked all day about how miserable he is and what we can do about it. A few times, we were teary-eyed. I’m sure the lady in Sears thought we were a real treat! Anyways, I told him that if he needs to, he can ask for a lay off, go on EI while he job hunts, and apply for school in the fall, or he can ask for a lay off and go work some random job while he decides what path he wants his career to take.
A big part of this is that he feels like a failure. He wants to have kids and feels like we can’t do that if he goes back to school, or we can’t have the bigger home we will need if he doesn’t get a good career going. That’s my fault. I’ve made no secret about wanting a larger home for our future family, and others harp on it a bit too, like his mom, who thinks we need a bedroom just for her.
I told him that if it comes down to it, I will support us. We bought the house we did because we knew that we can afford it on one income, and if this is what needs to be done to keep him from losing his sanity, this is what we can do. I surprised myself, because after years of us struggling through school, living paycheque to paycheque, this financial comfort is cozy. Despite that, I came to realize that nothing matters if he is not happy. If he is not happy, we are not happy, our marriage is not healthy, and I would rather be living paycheque to paycheque than watching the man I love wither away before me. I told him repeatedly that all I want is for him to be happy, and I think he finally believes that and is taking some of the pressure off of himself.