(Closed) Supporting SO when family doesn't? FMIL and college problems.

posted 6 years ago in College
Post # 3
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My advice unfortunately is probably not what you want to hear but it’s what I think is right: your boyfriend needs to get a job and support himself while he’s in college, and not rely on his parents or on you.

Parents are not required to make generous gifts to their kids, and while it’s very much appreciated when they do, it’s also perfectly reasonable for those gifts to have various strings attached. A parent changing their mind on the amount of the tuition assistance gift after learning of the child’s choice of school is no different than a parent taking a gift car back after learning the child drinks and drives or speeds habitually. 

Now that the parents have made their choice, and are not willing to support your SO, the only two choices remaining are for him to support himself or for you to support him. And I would caution very strongly against you supporting him. First off, at such young ages, many couples grow apart after a few years and are no longer couples. Any money you give him, you risk never seeing again. And while there’s every chance that you might make it as  couple, turn on any episode of Judge Judy and you’ll see all sorts of couples who thought they’d make it too, and are now suing each other.

More importantly, you both are at the stage in life where you’re supposed to be learning how to manage your finances.  If you step in and pay his expenses, it will be that much harder for him to learn how to be financially responsible.  I’ve got a few friends who never learned that skill, and let me tell you, it is very unattractive for a 40-year-old man to not be able to pay his own bills.  Do not start out your adult life with warped ideas on how money works, and don’t let your SO do that either.

Thousands of college students work and balance a full class load and still get good grades. It can be done. It takes focus and sacrifice but your SO would not be the first guy who had to wait tables or deliver pizza then go home and study for a midterm.

As for the relationship with his family, you all need to leave his financial situation out of the picture— which will fall into place easily once his family sees him at least trying to support himself.

Post # 4
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Unfortunately, parents aren’t always going to back their kid’s decisions 100%.  That’s just how it goes sometimes.  


I can’t blame them for not letting him take the car.  Cars are expensive, you’ve got gas and insurance to cover.  Plus they probably want him to stay at school and focus on his grades rather than driving to see you all the time.  I can’t blame them for that, even though it sucks for you.  


As for the things his mom says about you – that blows.  Just know that if you guys finish college and are still together after all this, you guys will have a strong relationship that’s been tested.

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