- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
I cancelled my wedding 3 weeks before it was set to take place…it was a destination wedding….it was the toughest decision ever, but I couldn’t marry the guy my fiancé had become. We fought while we were dating and almost broke up the night before getting engaged….but he asked and I accepted. I couldn’t forget that after asking he said “now will you settle down?” I was shocked because I hadn’t been pressuring him at all about getting engaged and was SHOCKED when he did it.
I love him to pieces, we have been together for almost 3 years, we have lived together for 2…we got engaged last July 9th and set the date for this past weekend, April 21st. We moved in January to a larger home, that we both LOVE, and that’s where things started to go south, fast. He sat on the couch while I unpacked everything but the garage….he constantly said “why now? Can’t unpacking wait?” I’m a bit of a neat-nik, so I want to be able to settle in and not be living out of boxes for months…something we discussed before moving and he agreed…when he lived on his own, he had unpacked boxes (only 2-3) for 9 MONTHS sitting around!! This is what prompted the conversation prior to our move.
After the move we (I) got the invitations in the mail, and had a month to relax before going back into high speed planning mode…time to get the house in order. He didn’t want to help with anything that was not important to him, like hanging pictures, or buying things for the house, and so I did it all….he fussed in the garage.
Wedding planning, now the stress was getting to me big time, I didn’t have ANY help, not my family (BUT, my family was paying for most of it), not his, not friends, just me…and him, I thought. Every time I asked him to help with something, it turned into a fight, until it got to the point that he began saying “No” just to say no…he has since admitted to this, that he was being a jerk and punishing me for getting caught up in planning and not paying enough attention to him…I also work a demanding job and am EXTREMELY type A, which is why he fell for me in the first place. I felt this bad behavior and ended up crying to my friends and family on a weekly basis for months…
Finally at my Bachelorette party, the first night was just with my BM’s and Mom, and one of my girls asked if I was finally getting excited, since the wedding was only 3 weeks away….I burst into tears and headed to the bathroom. I was able to pull it together for a few hours, but around midnight, it all came crashing down…I was miserable and kept hoping that once the date got closer, I’d be happy…by morning, we had cancelled the rest of the weekends festivities and called off the wedding.
Now, we both took a trip during our wedding week, him to the resort where the wedding was to take place, and me to 2 very small isolated cities where I could read and try to rest between the tears…and now we are both back and talking. He is completely different than he was 1 month ago, he is the guy I fell for and he admitted all of his shortcomings and that his behavior was completely unacceptable and he is embarrassed about it…. He has said that he was unhappy that I didn’t pay enough attention to him and that he felt we rushed things in trying to plan a wedding in 10 months…something we repeatedly discussed during the pre-plan time and we walked though the calendar and agreed on dates.
I have a hard time trusting that he won’t revert back to that guy during times when our relationship (or marriage) is under stress…I don’t know if I can get past the hurt, I want to believe, but he has shown who he is under pressure and it ain’t pretty….
Now I am so confused….the plan is to wait it out a few weeks, I don’t need to DO anything right now, but living together can be uncomfortable at times…though we are in separate bedrooms and have been all month. Bee’s please share any insight into things to help me sort this all out…can it work? Should I leave? Sooo confused!