Post # 1
I don’t know why this is bothering me so much…ok I kinda do…I’ll get to that after I explain what has happened this morning.
My fiance has a cousin who is living in London and we had sent him and his long term girlfriend (10 years, they had a house together and went to London together to spice things up) a save the date. As we were doing our invites, they broke up so we didn’t want to send him a nice calligraphied card with his and his ex’s name on it and my fiance figured he was a boy and wouldn’t really care about getting an actual invite in the male so my fiance emailed him a picture of the invite and said “hey man, here’s your invite.” This morning fiance messages me and says, “Oh cool, Cousin just RSVPd and he’s coming.” Through our wedding website we get all RSVPs forwarded to out emails so I checked it and yep, he’s coming, but then I noticed there was a second name on his RSVP. I searched the name on FB and found some girl that must be his new girlfriend. He and his ex have only been broken up for a few months so I don’t think this new one can be that serious yet and I can’t believe he has not ask if it was ok to bring her.
I’m bothered by it because when I looked her up on FB she is gorgeous. I’m kindof overweight and self conscious about being a beautiful bride as it is and to have this random gorgeous girl there who I don’t know- don’t know what she’ll come dressed as, don’t know if she’s nice or bitchy, don’t want some random judging me on my wedding day- is just killing me! Plus, it’s selfish but I want the focus of the wedding day to be me and my fiance, not the family to be all like “ohhhh cousin, who is your new gf??” At one of the other cousin’s wedding, somebody brought their random girlfriend who ended up being the talk of the night as she wore a short white dress that nearly showed her butt cheeks and her vv and was beautiful. This girl stole the show. I don’t want that to happen at ours.
I’ll have to get over it though as there is no way that fiance would tell his cousin he was rude for assuming he had a plus one and really at the end of the day, had he asked us if he could bring someone, we probably would have said yes anyway. Because so many of our guests are travelling from out of town we have said to lots of them “your presence is present enough” but I can tell you at $100 a head, this random’s presence is not present enough and she’d better bring me something awesome (I’m awful because I’m not even joking!)
Post # 3
Yes, it was rude of him, but there’s not a lot you can do unless you feel like being blunt with him. Don’t worry about her being “pretty” you will be the star of the day and no one will compare! You won’t even think about her on that day!
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
THe focus will be all on you. Don’t worry about that. You will be the one in the beautiful dress walking down the aisle, dancing with the groom, cutting the cake, etc. No one could steal that spotlight.
It is definitely presumptuous of him to think he could invite a guest in place of the original woman invited, but he is coming from another country to share in your joy.
You will be the star of the show!!!
Post # 5
Glad you are so understanding!
Ha kidding. Maybe you can just email back and say “ohhhh I didn’t anticipate a +1 after hearing about your split…” just to see if he’ll get the hint. If not, then it was worth a try anyway
Post # 6
Thanks for the cheer up (and the laugh mrsbzzbee) you guys!
Post # 7
I wouldnt give a hoot who he was planning on bringing. He wants to introduce his new girl to the family that’s all. And who knows it might actually be serious and she might actually be the one for him. Besides if he marries her, you might get an invite to their wedding 🙂 She might be a nice girl you might get on well with her.
Post # 8
Unfortunately if you invited him with a guest you can’t pick who he comes with. However, it sounds like you addressed the envelope just to him. Did you also send him a picture of the envelope?
I can relate on the other point. I too am overweight and while I’ve lost about 15 pounds since we got engaged, its no where near where I wanted to be. Inevitably there will be many thin and gorgeous people at the wedding, and I’ve been really bumming out that I won’t look the way I want to for the big day. I just keep telling myself that my Fiance loves me for the way I am, and that if people are thinking “here comes the bride big fat and wide” they aren’t truly my loved one or friend, and I don’t care what they think. They should be happy for us because its our wedding, end of story!
Post # 9
He’s coming from London… he has a girlfriend… and you don’t want to invite her? Seriously, he’s traveling a very long distance and he’s your fiance’s cousin. Plus, it’s not rude that he included her, as you never sent the invitation (how is he supposed to know who was listed on the envelope), plus you were already planning on a +1 for him, so how would he know otherwise?
People are going to be asking him about his new girlfriend, whether she’s there or not. They’ll also ask how he’s been, particularly if he lives in London now (likely some people don’t get to see him often).
I’m overweight and have self esteem issues, so I get it. But you are judging her by her looks alone. This is exactly what you are afraid she’s going to do to you. I doubt she will upstage you, and I would assume she isn’t going to care what you look like. Some pretty people will actually see you for the beautiful woman and bride you are.
Post # 10
Given that he been dating this girl a few months and he coming from London, i think it’s unfair to not give him a plus one.
Honestly the last thing you should be worrying about on your wedding day is who is thinner and “better looking” then you. Hello you will be wearing the big white dress and glowing that day. I don’t think he is being rude, just assumed he being invited with a plus one, and considering how far he coming fron I think it’s rude to not issues a plus one. While I’m sure he ex is nice, and the break up sucks he has every right to move on with his life.
Post # 11
He should have asked, but since you had already budgeted for girlfriend A, I don’t think its a big deal for him to invite girlfriend B. He is travelling a long way, and might want some company.
It really is not up to us as brides to determine the seriousness of someone’s relationship. Bringing someone to a wedding, especially a family wedding, is a huge step, and it sounds like he is ready. A groomsman of ours lives in France, and has a girlfriend there. He’s coming to the US for a few weeks prior to the wedding, so Fiance and I just kind of assumed he would do the journey solo. We were incorrect, as he told us he was bringing the french girlfriend. Of course we said yes, please bring her! If it is serious enough for him that he wants her to meet his friends AND his family, then who are we to say no?
Post # 12
I don’t see the problem here either. How could you have met her if she lives in London? My cousin came with a boyfriend we never met because she lives in Oklahoma. I certainly wouldn’t have demanded she make the trip from Oklahoma by herself.
And there is absolutely no reason to be worried about her being “more attractive” than you. I’m sure most people would consider some of my BMs and GMs (and guests!) to be more attractive than me and my husband, but that certainly wouldn’t stop us from including them.
Post # 13
While its rude of him to not ask first, you should really have offered him a +1 to begin with since you had intended to include his now ex and he’s coming in from London. I also think you creeping this girl out on fb is taking things too far, who cares what this girl looks like, you will meet her when they arrive. You need to do something that makes you feel more confident in yourself.
Post # 14
Don’t worry about her stealing the show! You are the BRIDE and you’ll be beautiful! The focus will be on you and your Fiance for sure.
Given that, I think you should have allowed him to bring a +1 anyway, since he is traveling a looooong distance to get to your wedding. Personally, I’m excited to meet the SO’s of my family and friends!
Post # 15
I agree with some of the other ladies. If this cousin is traveling from London to be at your wedding, you should let him bring whoever he wants. He’s incurring the time and expense of getting to your wedding, the least you could do is let him bring a date. In my opinion, it would be rude for you not to.
Post # 16
it was a bit rude of the cousin to just include his new gf but he didn’t really get a real printed invite with the names of the invited on the envelope so i guess i can understand his viewpoint of expecting a +1.
he is travelling a long way for the two of you. i would totally accommodate his gf. who cares what she looks like. that sounds like a lame, insecure excuse. are you only inviting ugly people to your wedding??
no one ever truly upstages the bride.