(Closed) Surely guests don't just turn up with uninvited people? MY WORST NIGHTMARE

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9614 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

There should be security guards or someone who can tell the uninvited guests to leave. 

Post # 4
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Doesn’t the venue deal with this regularly? Is their only suggestion that invite thing? 

Post # 6
Member
9614 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@Elleet:  Anyone you don’t know, or know isn’t invited tell them to leave?

Post # 8
Member
9614 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

If you are concerned I would suggest hiring security for the evening.

Post # 9
Member
8325 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Elleet:  This is a cultural thing and very common in Polynesian culture. Weddings are village events and everyone is invited.

I would probably talk to FI and his family about how weddings work in their culture and try to work out a way that you can combine both cultures. You should do this because each Polynesian culture is different and there will most probably be differences in how weddings are conducted by different social status’.

If you do not feel comfortable approaching his family maybe try a community group to get the basics (Fijian society, Tongan society etc which ever one fits). 

Post # 10
Member
9614 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@j_jaye:  That’s a good idea.

Are there possibilities of having a celebration some other time that everyone is invited to?

Post # 13
Member
8325 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Elleet:  Don’t forget that it is your FI’s wedding as well. If he isn’t on board and does want to respect his culture then you guys will need to talk it through. Their culture may be very important to them so please do not disrespect that because it will do you no favous at all with the inlaws.

Post # 14
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee

A bee just posted her idea to list the names of those invited on the card w an accept/decline option after each. Seems like a clear way of showing who is invited. 

That said, maybe a list/security guard would help keep ransoms out. 

Post # 15
Member
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

My poor stepdd had to worry about this a bit 4 years ago when we planned her wedding.  She asked me to help her plan her wedding as she would be moving across the country and her Dad and I were paying for most of it. Her mom was paying for part of her dress (that is all they could afford, and that is fine).

Her dad is one of 7, her biomom is one of 7, and her stepdad is one of 10.  Many people in biomom’s family and stepdad’s family think it is great to bring tagalongs to weddings and DD had seen it happen.  Biomom and stepdad wanted every single cousin and cousins kid invited.  DD said no, and also no kids at the wedding.  We knew we HAD to make a preemtive strike here.

Her RSVP’s said:

2 seats have been reserved in your honor

John Smith ___will ___ will not attend

Jane Smith ___ will ___ will not attend

I personally made every one of those on our laser printer with her invitations.  I considered it a really good investment of my time.

Would something like that be helpful to you?  Since you said your FI mentioned something about “invitation only” on the invites, I”m guessing he is on board with you on this?  If so, I would have him sit down with his family and explain that you have a limited space and it will be invitation only and get the word out to the rest of the family.

Remember, they aren’t being rude, they are used to the customs of their culture and this is perfectly normal.  You guys will have to work together on this to make it work.  Good luck!!

 

 

Post # 16
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

A suggestion for you:

One of my family members had an issue with their church: her fiance’s family was really involved and wanted the WHOLE church invited.  They didn’t really have that kind of money, so they had a ceremony at the church with a short lunch reception in the basement.  A few hours later, they had a reception that they wanted that was kept very, very quiet so fellow churchgoers wouldn’t be too hurt.  I would say that would be a good option: a lunch on the same day for extended family and friends, with a real, more private reception to follow.

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