Post # 1
I took a first response test that you take when you miss your period this morning since my period was due yesterday and it looks pretty positive to me. I will probably go out and get a few more tests first, but I was hoping to get some advice.
My husband and I (25/23) got married last summer and wanted to wait a few years to have children. He has a good job, we own our house, don’t have any “bad” debt or anything, but we are pretty young and I am finishing my masters this summer still. I don’t have a job lined up yet for when I graduate still. Basically when we got married my husband and I decided I would go off birth control because I had a lot of negative side effects from it, mood swings, no sex drive, horrible pain during sex… I tried a few different ones and they all were like that. We usually use the pull out method and its worked, but this month he didnt pull out once, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised although I still am. However, now I am sort of freaking out. He doesn’t have any idea and I don’t know how to tell him. Is it ok to wait a few days until I wrap my head around all of this to tell him? I’m really worried he will be upset by the news.
Also, should I start looking for a job now even though I havent graduated? Has anyone gone through this before?
On top of that I deal with a lot of potentially harmful chemicals and bacterial toxins in my work for my thesis(which is what I am finishing this summer-I’ve been done with classes), would you tell your boss/mentor right away in case there are any additional precautions necessary? Or is it ok to wait like telling any other boss type individual, in which case I probably wouldn’t have to tell him at all since I am hoping to be done soon.
And I drank a bunch the last couple of weeks, and especially over the weekend with the lovely weather we have had…bacardi, wine etc…. should I be really worried about this???
Post # 2
I’d tell your boss right away if you work with harmful chemicals.
Your husband’s reaction may surprise you. I’d go ahead and tell him. 🙂
Post # 3
Tell your boss now just in case there are extra precautions you can/need to take.
The drinking recently is no big deal. You don’t share a blood supply yet with the baby so no worries.
Tell your husband. He can help you wrap your head around it.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t worry about the drinking, lots of people have been in the same situation and their babies are fine. It’s super early so it’s not much more than an embryo at this point and babies are so well protected in there 🙂
Tell your boss right away. This is something that could harm the development and not something that us worth risking.
Also, tell your husband right away! He might not have the reaction you think.
Good luck and congrats!
Post # 5
Congrats! Although this wasn’t 100% planned, I am sure your hubs will be excited, since children were something you both wanted (eventually!) My daughter wasn’t completely planned either, but it was probably better that we got pregnant as a bit of a surprise anyways!
I would definitely speak up to your boss/mentor about this, so that you don’t put you or baby at risk.
I think your DH will be ok. He must know that there was a risk of pregnancy with that one time he didn’t pull out… it can’t come as a super shock to him! Good luck, congrats, and we’re all here for any questions you have or support you need!
Post # 6
Thank you all for your advice, I know I have to tell him eventually. If you were in my situation any advice on how to tell him? I’ve never been good at telling people things they may not want to hear:/ It makes me incredibly nervous
Post # 7
Both of you had to have known this was a possibility, given the somewhat unrelieable methos of BC….I’d just hand him the stick and say there’s been a slight change in plans….
Post # 8
I would probably sit him down, pour him a drink, and then tell him.
If you think he will worry about things like money, it might be a good idea to go through all of your financial papers first, and work out a tentative plan before you do this, so he doesn’t jump to conclusions about your financial problems.
You can sort the rest out later, one bridge at a time…
Post # 9
Rachel631 has good advice for you, OP. If you know he’s going to have certain concerns (like cost) when he finds out, start getting paperwork together. Maybe make a budget, budget out what you can expect to pay for diapers/possibly formula/etc. after the baby is born, look into what your insurance covers for prenatal/delivery, etc. Will your bills and all still be manageable if you end up NOT working anytime in the near future (even with any student debt)? That’s something to bring up, too.
Consider whether you could manage working part-time (or from home) when you tell him. Just as someone else mentioned, the two of you were using a more-unreliable-than-others method (73-96% effectiveness) and didn’t follow up with some morning-after when you had an ‘oops.’ Your husband can’t be that upset, that surprised, or even angry with you for a reasonable risk in which he partook.
Post # 10
We are pretty stable financially. I was paid throughout my masters program, minimally, however I have no student loans and neither does he. I guess financially I know we can make it work one way or another, and while I know we both should have “known” this could happen, its still pretty shocking nontheless.
Thanks for all your advice though, it is much appreciated.
Post # 11
FutureMrsphD: I’m a pretty firm believer of “you’re in this together” when it comes to this type of situation. You’re a little panicked (understandably) but there’s no reason you should have to wait and figure out how to break the news gently. I would just tell him the next time you see him.
FWIW, I ran into the next room yelling “I’M PREGNANT” so subtetly with this type of thing is not my strong suit.
Post # 12
I agree with AnonymousCupcake: on being in this together! You aren’t alone, and your husband’s reaction may surprise you. There’s no reason to shoulder this alone when you have your partner to be in it with you.
I also agree on telling your boss right away, and getting a doctor’s visit scheduled. I’d work with your doctor on whatever chemicals you are exposed to in your program to know what is and is not a concern.
Don’t worry about the drinking. I drank until I got my positive.
Most of all, congratulations!!!
Post # 13
Dont worry about the drinking…I didn’t find out I was pregnant until 8 weeks along. I was in Vegas at 5 weeks pregnant. They just told me FAS is due to drinking throughout your entire pregnancy. My baby is 4 days old and just fine. Good luck!