(Closed) Surprise for In-Laws ruined by them, now DH and I are fighting…

posted 1 week ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
974 posts
Busy bee

Hmmmm. Nice gesture, Buuutttttt….I do not think that you can really be mad at them for turning it down. You wanted it to be a surprise and sometimes those kinds of reactions are the outcome. Going on a hot air balloon is something I have no desire to ever do. I have specifically told my DH do not book this for us because I as well am not thrilled with heights. Sorry, but I think you are going to have to cut your losses on this one because your in-laws are entitled to feel the way they did.

Post # 3
280 posts
Helper bee

While I understand how disappointing it must have been that your IL’s were not excited about this surprise I can understand their perspective as well. It sounds like your suprise was more about what you wanted to do and less about everyone else. I am afraid of heights so if someone close to me surprised me with something like that I wouldn’t offer to pay them back when it’s not something I would have ever wanted to do in the first place. Also, expecting them to just wait around for four hours is kind of absurd when the plan was to do something as a group and you were able to reschedule your rides. I would’ve gone to do something else with the IL’s and rescheduled a time for you and your dh to go in the balloon and this drama and fighting with your husband would have been avoided.

Post # 4
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

1. You planned a surprise which you had good intentions for

2. You are pissed that your in-laws are afraid of heights and didn’t want to go on the balloon ride

3. You are pissed that they didn’t offer to reimburse you $400 for something that YOU decided for all of them to do, they had no choice in the matter

4. This was AFTER you expected them to wait around for you for four hours while you and your husband sailed away in the balloon. FOUR HOURS. Of sitting on a bench or walking to the building for lunch. Trapped. For FOUR HOURS.

5. You started out with good intentions and quickly declined to startling selfishness and you’re angry with THEM

Post # 5
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Congratulations on your huge bonus! It is a shame that you could not get a refund if you knew they were afraid of heights, you should have not brought them…

Post # 6
888 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Yikes. I don’t think they have anything to feel badly about. This was definitely a type of activity that you should have asked them about ahead of time, and if they had no idea what it was I don’t think they have any obligation to pay you back. It’s completely unreasonable to expect them to do that or to wait several hours for you. I think it will just have to be a lesson learned–before you spend a significant amount of money for something, it would be a good idea to make sure that everyone is on board and willing to participate. It’s not their fault if they had no part in deciding on the activity. 

Post # 7
888 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

AND, you still get to go on your air balloon ride, just not right now. They shouldn’t have to reimburse you for something you haven’t lost. 

Post # 8
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I didn’t quite make it through your whole post but your attitude towards this is shocking to me. As someone who gets anxiety with heights, there is no way I’d get on a hot air balloon and I’d be baffled by anyone who went ahead and paid for something like that for me without asking. It’s not their responsiblity to pay you back for something they never asked to do. It’s unfortunate that what you thought would be an exciting surprise fell apart, but this is a life lesson that something like this should not be sprung on people.

“It’s not like I was asking them to jump out of a plane! It was a freaking hot air balloon ride! It’s slow, there’s someone with you, and if they don’t like heights, just don’t look down!!!” Um yeah, you clearly don’t know what it means to not “like” heights.

Post # 9
5588 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

anonbee98765 :  Oh man, what an awkward time for you all. Honestly if it were me getting surprised with that (I am terrified of heights) I would have said, thank you, no thank you and stayed while you did it. It’s a really nice gesture on your part.

Mine was not a suprise, but a nice gesture gone a little wrong. There was a sign around the corner on a neighbor’s fence that said their dog had passed. They put it there because people would walk by and see her and pet her. So I took over a sympathy type card, have never met them in my life, and the old man answered the door. We talked a couple minutes, told him which house was ours, and he said his wife cusses about my dogs barking. (yes, they bark sometimes and I immediately bring them in every.single.time) I had a deflated feeling as well since I thought I was doing a goodwill type thing and all I got was a complaint from total strangers.

Go get that bottle of wine!

Post # 10
1647 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

anonbee98765 :  Well for 1, I think that something like a hot air balloon ride can be a hit or miss because many people have a fear of flights. I do agree with you that they should have thanked you for the thought but it would never cross my mind to expect someone to offer to pay you back for a gift. So you’re out of line for saying that.

In regards to your husband I think I would’ve done the same thing as them because the both of you are hosting them at your home so it would be kind of rude to leave them hanging out for 4 hours with nothing to do in the middle of an empty field. 

I am sorry that your day didn’t go as planned and hopefully next time you go you will enjoy yourself and actually get to fly. For what it’s worth I always say that “Everything happens for a reason” and be happy you’re safe at home and whatever bickering you’re doing with your husband will blow over. 

Post # 11
16 posts

I think this is a situation where you are so deep in the forest you can’t see the trees.  Your intentions were good but a lot of people are afraid of heights.  Think of your biggest fear and then force yourself to experience it for 4 hours.  It would be pretty awful!  I do agree that it would have been nice if them to thank you for the gesture and apologize for not being on board with the ride and ruining the plans you had for the day. 

It sounds like their time with you will be brief so it’s probably best to be the bigger person, come out of your room, and apologize for being upset. 

Post # 12
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m with the PP’s. 

#1, this is something you should have cleared with them first

#2, you can’t expect people to wait for FOUR HOURS while you and DH do the activity

#3, you can’t be mad at them for declining an activity. 

Frankly, you sound ridiculous. 

Post # 13
359 posts
Helper bee

Sorry, I’m on their side. I think you’re overreacting. 

Post # 15
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

anonbee98765 :  I will be the one lone voice of dissent here.  I think your in-laws are assholes.  All you were trying to do was something super nice, and they just ruined the whole thing.  So they’re fraidy cats?  Oh well, they should have encouraged you and DH to go ahead.  Especially if all they were going to do is sit on their asses anyway.

I feel bad for you – that would have pissed me right off.  

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