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I think it sounds interesting, but I'm not sure how your guests will feel. They're coming, expecting to be a part of your ceremony, but instead you'll shock them with a video of it instead. I know that a wedding is about you and your fiance, but I'm not sure that surprising your guest this way is fair to them...
I've heard of couples having a surprise wedding--where guests show and it's like "Welcome to our wedding!" But as a guest I wouldn't like it if I showed up to the ceremony and was shown a video. If you wanna go elope call it a reception, but don't tell guests they're witnessing the ceremony and then give them just a video. That leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I agree with the others. Your plan sounds awesome, except for the fact that your guests think they are going to your ceremony. I would just send out the invites for your reception and spread the word that you will be eloping beforehand. You can still show the video and everything, it's just that you won't be setting your guests up for a disappointment.
If I were attending a birthday party and saw a video of a wedding ceremony that would be an awesome surprise. If I were attending a wedding and saw a video of the wedding ceremony... I would be pretty upset.
I do not like a bait and switch. You would be actively lying to your guests by inviting them to an event you know isn't what they will get.
I would be very upset as a guest to spend my time and effort to going to a wedding only to be disappointed. It also seems a bit gift grabby. Like you are tricking your guests into a better gift.
Oh God no, haha. I don't want to give off any of those impressions, I am definitely not trying to offend anyone and I could care less about gifts, I dont want a wedding shower and we are not registering. I just thought it would be fun. I guess it wouldn't go over so well though. Thanks for the feedback.
Now back to the drawing board... UGH why do weddings have to be so complicated. I feel like if I just do things my way that makes me selfish, but if I give in to others it can (as I have already seen) get out of control real fast and no longer feel like MY wedding. I really want to elope but feel like it would hurt too many feelings. I guess I could go forward with my plan but send out invitations to the reception rather than allowing guests to think that they are attending a wedding.
@brittanysue1234: Trust me, I felt the same way. I wanted a private, destination wedding so badly. Unfortunately many of our guests would be unable to attend if we did that, and for DH, having family there meant everything.
At the end of the day, please, please do what makes you are your fiance happy. Even after our wedding is over and we had a great time, I still wish we would have had our private ceremony. All I wanted to do was make everyone else happy, and that does come at a cost.
My advice - - have your private wedding, and invite everyone to a reception later. One of my clients did this, and all worked out well for them. Just be honest with your guests about it.
Good luck girlie!
my first reaction is that you are going to end up with some very upset guests. the wedding is supposed to be about you and your fiance, but trust me, that wont keep people from having nasty opinions and since the shock will be at your receptoin, so will their nasty attituded/comments/anger.
my husband and i got married prior to the wedding and didnt tell anyone (except me and my big mounth told my best friend and my mommy) when we told my dad the night before our wedding, he was pissed because he thought my mom woudl be so hurt that she didnt get to witness "the real thing" and didnt get to "share that moment" with me. then i told him my mom alrady knew, and he was fine with it.
one of my BM reacted the same way - she was sad she did get to stand for my "real wedding"
we didnt tell a single person in his family becuase they woudl have been PISSED! why spend all the money on a wedding if we were just going to elope? why couldnt they have witnessed the "real" one? they would have been so pissed, disapponted, and hurt that we chose to do it without them.
i think if you choose to do this, you need to give your guests a heads up - dont spring it on them that day, which could so easily turn into disaster.
Yeah, I don't know about this one...it just seems iffy. It's like you're trying to eat your cake and have it too: Eloping, but still getting to have the regular wedding. I don't think the guests would like it too much to show up expecting a wedding, but getting a video...maybe if you sent an announcement that said, "We eloped, come share the joy with us" or something like that...basically giving them a headsup, it would go over much better.
If you're down about the wedding you're planning, I'd say go for it - switch it up, get married where you want to, and then come back and celebrate with everyone at a fun reception. As long as everyone's on the same page about what they're being invited to (a reception rather than a wedding), I don't see a problem with that at all.
I dont think its a good idea to invite guests for the ceremony just to watch a video and not actually witness the ceremony. However, you can have a reception and play the video there?
@brittanysue1234: I guess I could go forward with my plan but send out invitations to the reception rather than allowing guests to think that they are attending a wedding.
Do this. You'll have the wedding that feels right to you, you won't have to mislead anyone, and you can still show the video at the big reception so your guests don't feel like they missed out as much.
You also could do it Jim-and-Pam style, and have the private ceremony you want, as well as a public ceremony... just make sure your officiant is okay with it.
I think its completely fine to elope somewhere else & then have the wedding party/reception after that. But not as a "surprise".
I would feel lied to if it was a good friend & I showed up & they were already married before the "wedding". I would be completely fine & happy if they told me they were eloping & it was a reception/party for that. I think it would confuse some guests as well!
I know the feeling, I want a destination badly to escape all the craziness. Plus gotta love the fact that they give you options and you just pick from the options typically. Would you consider maybe inviting close family, like parents and siblings to your destination? The reception at home sounds great though! You could display a video of the wedding at the reception so guests feel like they were apart of it, and you could also display pictures from the wedding as well. What a fantastic idea!
Well the thing is, I think people might actually be less likely to accept an invitation to just the reception after the wedding has already taken place, because at that point it takes away some of the importance of the whole event and the point of their presence in the first place which is to witness the wedding. So thinking along those lines, I actually think some people might be mad that it was like a bait and switch and they didn't have the choice to decide if attending your reception only was actually worth their time and money. I think that will be the one thing they remember from the event, that they were tricked into coming.
It's one thing if all your guests are local to where it's taking place and don' thave to fly or stay in hotels to attend. Then they might just laugh and move on. But I would be pissed if I had flown across the country and had to pay for a hotel thinking I was going to witness a wedding only to find out it was just a reception. I would have probably preferred to just send a gift in that case and not spend the thousands of dollars getting there.
@moderndaisy: I don't know, some people only really dig the reception. It's when you get to visit with the couple.
Although I could see it being disappointing to family members to not get to witness the actual ceremony.
I'd say get married privately if that's what you want - but don't invite people to a "wedding" without disclosing that you've already taken your vows. I'd suggest wording like "Join us to celebrate our marriage!" And then some details about how it's a big party. :)
Honestly, it's a super sweet idea but I think pp's are right. If I showed up to an event expecting a weddiing and was shown a video I'd feel jipped. What I think you should do is go do your cute elopement and then come home to an "engagement party". All your guests will think it's just a semi-formal engagement party. Or call it whatever. And then when they get there show them the video and turn it into a reception. SURPRISE! That way it's a good surprise. Like oh we came for a party and it turned into a wedding reception - woohoo. Instead of, we came for a wedding and got jipped. haha. Just my opinion!
I have heard of this before, and at that point people just have to go with it. If you need to elope first-- tell people!
They;ll still come (unless they were secretly planning on not coming anyway).
This just reminds me of what a friend just did, in a way. She announced multiple times, very publicly, that she was getting married at the courthouse, went and got married, and then when anyone congratulated her she assured them with:
"Big ceremony yet to come....Yesterday was just for us--a mini wedding really. Just some paperwork, a pastor and a couple witnesses, and the big ceremony date is yet to be determined. Do not fret, we did not forget about all of you."
I don't really think I will attend that "wedding" when or if it does happen, not that I'm not happy that she is married. I think I would be much more open to attending a "reception" joyously celebrating their marriage. It's just my personal opinion, but the whole announcing it publicly yet still insisting on having a big ceremony for "all of us" just seems grabby for gifts.
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I've always envisioned myself getting married somewhere fun! But, now that my wedding is drawing near, I find myself planning something very traditional that will take place out on my parents land. It's important to both my fiance and me that we share this event with our friends and our family. And our friends and family are all very excited about our wedding. I however am fed up with stressing about such silly things as colors, flowers, music, lighting, etc... and am wishing we'd just planned a destination wedding.
SO, my thought is we can hire a videographer and fly out to Willamette valley, Oregon (I love wine and vineyards), spend a couple days seeing sights, get married there, spend another day or two honeymooning and fly home catching the whole thing on video. Meanwhile, our guests will have received wedding invites and will show up to my parents' expecting to witness a wedding. This is where we will surprise them with a video of our wedding and along with an explanation of what's going on. After the video we will serve food and drinks and have a reception, just like we would have otherwise (just less formal). And we will have dvds available for whoever might want one!!
What do you think? Have you heard of anyone else doing this and if so, tell me about it, provide links etc...