Post # 1
I’ve always envisioned myself getting married somewhere fun! But, now that my wedding is drawing near, I find myself planning something very traditional that will take place out on my parents land. It’s important to both my fiance and me that we share this event with our friends and our family. And our friends and family are all very excited about our wedding. I however am fed up with stressing about such silly things as colors, flowers, music, lighting, etc… and am wishing we’d just planned a destination wedding.
SO, my thought is we can hire a videographer and fly out to Willamette valley, Oregon (I love wine and vineyards), spend a couple days seeing sights, get married there, spend another day or two honeymooning and fly home catching the whole thing on video. Meanwhile, our guests will have received wedding invites and will show up to my parents’ expecting to witness a wedding. This is where we will surprise them with a video of our wedding and along with an explanation of what’s going on. After the video we will serve food and drinks and have a reception, just like we would have otherwise (just less formal). And we will have dvds available for whoever might want one!!
What do you think? Have you heard of anyone else doing this and if so, tell me about it, provide links etc…
Post # 3
I think it sounds interesting, but I’m not sure how your guests will feel. They’re coming, expecting to be a part of your ceremony, but instead you’ll shock them with a video of it instead. I know that a wedding is about you and your fiance, but I’m not sure that surprising your guest this way is fair to them…
Post # 4
I’ve heard of couples having a surprise wedding–where guests show and it’s like “Welcome to our wedding!” But as a guest I wouldn’t like it if I showed up to the ceremony and was shown a video. If you wanna go elope call it a reception, but don’t tell guests they’re witnessing the ceremony and then give them just a video. That leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Post # 5
I agree with the others. Your plan sounds awesome, except for the fact that your guests think they are going to your ceremony. I would just send out the invites for your reception and spread the word that you will be eloping beforehand. You can still show the video and everything, it’s just that you won’t be setting your guests up for a disappointment.
Post # 6
If I were attending a birthday party and saw a video of a wedding ceremony that would be an awesome surprise. If I were attending a wedding and saw a video of the wedding ceremony… I would be pretty upset.
Post # 7
I do not like a bait and switch. You would be actively lying to your guests by inviting them to an event you know isn’t what they will get.
I would be very upset as a guest to spend my time and effort to going to a wedding only to be disappointed. It also seems a bit gift grabby. Like you are tricking your guests into a better gift.
Post # 8
I would be annoyed and think it was kind of silly.
Post # 9
Oh God no, haha. I don’t want to give off any of those impressions, I am definitely not trying to offend anyone and I could care less about gifts, I dont want a wedding shower and we are not registering. I just thought it would be fun. I guess it wouldn’t go over so well though. Thanks for the feedback.
Now back to the drawing board… UGH why do weddings have to be so complicated. I feel like if I just do things my way that makes me selfish, but if I give in to others it can (as I have already seen) get out of control real fast and no longer feel like MY wedding. I really want to elope but feel like it would hurt too many feelings. I guess I could go forward with my plan but send out invitations to the reception rather than allowing guests to think that they are attending a wedding.
Post # 10
@brittanysue1234: Trust me, I felt the same way. I wanted a private, destination wedding so badly. Unfortunately many of our guests would be unable to attend if we did that, and for DH, having family there meant everything.
At the end of the day, please, please do what makes you are your fiance happy. Even after our wedding is over and we had a great time, I still wish we would have had our private ceremony. All I wanted to do was make everyone else happy, and that does come at a cost.
My advice – – have your private wedding, and invite everyone to a reception later. One of my clients did this, and all worked out well for them. Just be honest with your guests about it.
Good luck girlie!
Post # 11
my first reaction is that you are going to end up with some very upset guests. the wedding is supposed to be about you and your fiance, but trust me, that wont keep people from having nasty opinions and since the shock will be at your receptoin, so will their nasty attituded/comments/anger.
my husband and i got married prior to the wedding and didnt tell anyone (except me and my big mounth told my best friend and my mommy) when we told my dad the night before our wedding, he was pissed because he thought my mom woudl be so hurt that she didnt get to witness “the real thing” and didnt get to “share that moment” with me. then i told him my mom alrady knew, and he was fine with it.
one of my BM reacted the same way – she was sad she did get to stand for my “real wedding”
we didnt tell a single person in his family becuase they woudl have been PISSED! why spend all the money on a wedding if we were just going to elope? why couldnt they have witnessed the “real” one? they would have been so pissed, disapponted, and hurt that we chose to do it without them.
i think if you choose to do this, you need to give your guests a heads up – dont spring it on them that day, which could so easily turn into disaster.
Post # 12
Yeah, I don’t know about this one…it just seems iffy. It’s like you’re trying to eat your cake and have it too: Eloping, but still getting to have the regular wedding. I don’t think the guests would like it too much to show up expecting a wedding, but getting a video…maybe if you sent an announcement that said, “We eloped, come share the joy with us” or something like that…basically giving them a headsup, it would go over much better.
Post # 13
If you’re down about the wedding you’re planning, I’d say go for it – switch it up, get married where you want to, and then come back and celebrate with everyone at a fun reception. As long as everyone’s on the same page about what they’re being invited to (a reception rather than a wedding), I don’t see a problem with that at all.
Post # 14
I dont think its a good idea to invite guests for the ceremony just to watch a video and not actually witness the ceremony. However, you can have a reception and play the video there?
Post # 15
@brittanysue1234: I guess I could go forward with my plan but send out invitations to the reception rather than allowing guests to think that they are attending a wedding.
Do this. You’ll have the wedding that feels right to you, you won’t have to mislead anyone, and you can still show the video at the big reception so your guests don’t feel like they missed out as much.
Post # 16
You also could do it Jim-and-Pam style, and have the private ceremony you want, as well as a public ceremony… just make sure your officiant is okay with it.