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I could tell he was getting close to proposing and had a pretty good hunch that he would propose somewhere within a 3-4 month time period but the actual proposal was a big suprise.
We picked out the ring together so I knew a proposal was coming but didn't know where/when/how/etc.
So I'm sort if in-between. I was surprised when it did happen, but not OMG-I-had-no-idea-you-were-even-considering-marrying-me-ever kind of thing.
I think couples discussing marriage and when each sees it happening, is a normal, healthy conversation and doesn't ruin the proposal at all.
While I knew my FI had the ring so I was expecting a proposal, I was still completely surprised and taken aback when he actually proposed! I'm not sure how to answer your poll.
I really liked ring shopping with my FI so I absoutely wouldn't change the way it all unfolded. :)
I can't really vote because I kind of knew it was coming because we'd been talking a lot about getting engaged, but I was still shocked when he actually proposed.
I absolutely loved knowing. It made everything about our relationship a partnership instead of being surprised by the proposal or falling into it. And it was still incredibly romantic and the actual moment was a surprise (I knew it was coming, but not when).
I was proposed to previously. It was a surprise and I wish I had known! Once he's on one knee it's hard to say no. It ended pretty badly that way and I wasn't prepared for it.
I knew he had the ring and I knew the day he was planning on proposing. I kinda wish I had known less, but it was still special to me.
@Liss: I agree! I totally don't get how people are still in the 'waiting' stage when they already went to pick out the ring or know he has it or have even gone so far as to start planning. I seriously dont understand the 'proposal' at that point .. just a silly formality to me. It's one thing to talk about getting married and say that someday or soon you want to get engaged, then then 'when' is still completely in the air and you still feel like its could be an if it ever happens. I would say we had talked about, but not ever really seriously or even anything about when. Things were just going great and we figured we'd get there eventually, so when he did propose it was a surprise.
we pick out my ring together (and he bought it) but he didnt just give me the ring...he waited like 13 hours then proposed
Me and FI had talked about marriage. We knew we wanted to get married one day. I kind of knew it was coming because i had a ring i would wear every once in a while. I went to grab it one day and it was gone. I asked our room mates if they seen it and neither one did. Than i asked FI and he had it in his pocket. I thought that was kind of odd. Than that night we went to my parents for dinner and he asked if he could speak to them privatley. Also out of the ordinary. Than our last stop was the mall. He told me i had to wait in the car. Again weird. So when we got home i was taking my make-up off and getting ready for bed and he kept falling me around wherever i went. Than he said it. Come sit down i have a question for you. And he proposed in the bedroom. I kind of seen it coming but, it was still somewhat of a surprise. I guess he originally bought the wedding band instead of the engagement ring and my mom told him to go exchange it (so that's why we had to stop at the mall). I guess he was so excited he couldn't wait.
Honestly - I worry for anyone who's proposal was a complete and utter surprise. Entering into an engagement having never discussed marriage and plans before just isn't smart IMO.
That said - you don't have to know all the details either!
I'd say my proposal was a surprise (by my definition). We'd discussed getting engaged / married and I knew he was intending to propose sometime in the next 6 months or so just because of our discussions. I knew he had looked at rings (not with me though - he wanted to do that all on his own) but didn't know that one had even been bought.
So when he actually asked, I had no clue of the planned date, time, manner, ring, ect. That was all a complete surprise even though I knew a proposal was coming in the semi-near future.
ETA: Just saw your clarification to the OP.
@Mrs.KMM: I agree, that's why I just added on edit that I am considering surprise to mean that you did not have any knowledge that the ring was bought and that a proposal was coming within an imminent timeframe. I think most couples at some point discuss marriage and if they don't, then perhaps a proposal shouldn't happen.
I knew pretty much to the exact minute when he was going to propose. We had picked out the ring and were waiting on the jeweler to finish setting it. He had already told me that he was going to propose as soon as he picked it up because we both couldn't wait. It was supposed to be ready on Tuesday... then Wednesday... then Thursday... then finally on Friday it was ready. We had already made plans for dinner, so we decided that we'd meet at my place first to do the proposal before going out to celebrate. When he came over, he actually made a joke of it by starting with "so, let's have a little chat" and acting overly casual when we both knew what was coming. Even though it was not a surprise, I have to say that I still cried hysterically!
I wouldn't change a thing about my proposal :)
I knew i was coming because he's not very good at sneaking around. he would ask me questions out of the blue like "where's that ring you showed me a few months ago that you liked" or "whats that stone shape you like" etc.. and he would go off shopping on his own, which he NEVER does. and wouldn't let me come along.
however, he doesn't know that i knew. he thinks it was a surprise. and I NEVER plan on telling him otherwise.
my FI asked me long before we ever got engaged how i wanted him to propose. i had never really thought about anything specific and so i told him all i really wanted was a good story to tell and to be surprised. but i also wanted some say in the ring. so we did look at rings together and i picked one. but then i made it clear he still had to surprise me! and he totally did! it was a year later and i was getting impatient. we had a convo in the afternoon while camping and he truly made me believe he had not even bought the ring yet! so of course i was out of my mind surprised when he popped the question that night on the beach!
We had discussed marriage but the proposal was a complete surprise - so much so he had to ask 3 times as I kept repeating are you serious, and I was in a daze for the rest of the day!
He proposed in front of my parents and his parents and he had previously told me he would never tell his mum before hand as she would blab to me so did not see it coming!
We were on a boat my dad had just finished building and had named after me, in the middle of the ocean. Both families laugh about it now, saying it was pretty brave of him as there would have been no-where to go afterwards if I had said no! Of course he knew 100% that I would say yes tho :)
I loved the surprise and wouldn't have it any other way.
I feel the same way in that the whole idea of the girl picking out the ring, already planning the wedding, and basically knowing when the proposal is coming is a little... off putting, to me at least. I guess I'm just more traditional than that.
Thankfully, so is FI. He didn't even want to so much as go ring shopping with me. Never brought it up. He dug around to see what kind of rings I looked at online, and consulted my best friend, then planned everything out all on his own. It was perfect for us. Well actually, I did accidentally find out that a proposal was in the works (really wish that wouldn't have happened.. as anxious as I was with "waiting," I did not want to spoil any surprises), but I still had no idea exactly when and what was going to happen, in addition to the ring being a complete surprise. So it did work out the way we both wanted, for the most part.
I was completely surprised. Like I almost smacked him I was so surprised LOL. We've had combined finances for a few years, and I handle the money/bills, and "knew" we just didn't have the money yet. We had even gone ring shopping 'just for fun' early in December, with him telling me 'honey, you know I can't propose right now, ok' the whole time. He was very sneaky and I am so glad b/c I normally hate surprises but I wouldn't have had it any other way!!
I always dreamed that I would love to be surprised...but our personal situation just didn't let it go that way. My FI couldn't find a good job for a while, and we both wanted to wait to get engaged until he did find one and wouldn't have the anxiety about it over our heads.
So when he got a job..I knew a proposal was coming. :) And then when he planned this very elaborate extravagant dinner, I just...knew. But it didn't lessen my excitement at all- One plus was that I dressed nicely and had my makeup and hair done and felt really beautiful- the whole day was fun getting ready for. And we were having such a great time all night at dinner, that the moment he got up after dessert, and kneeled beside me- I was kind of shocked! I don't know how to explain it.
Having said that, ideally I would have preferred to be totally surprised. But the way it happened did not in any way diminish the joy and enthusiasm!!!
I knew it was coming, we had a date and everything but I didn't think it would happen for a while.. he surprised me on my trip to Paris so even though I knew we'd be engaged at some point, I'm going to say it was rather surprising!
It was a total surprise.
Had we talked about marriage? Yes. Did we know we wanted to be with each other and no one else? Yes. And keep in mind we've been together for going on 6 years now. He proposed a year ago this month. I never saw myself as "waiting" really. We were together, that was enough. Did I want a ring? Of course! Was it priority number one? Was I going to badger the hell out of him to the point of no return. Absolutely not.
He gave me his great grandmother's ring and even asked my parents before he proposed on a spontaneous weekend ski trip we took. I was completely clueless. I wouldn't have it any other way. I also would have been happy with any ring he chose to give me. As soon as I saw that ring in his hands all I could think was "that is perfect, and it's mine". Of course my first words in reality were: "Are your serious?!?!"
Is that really as corny as it sounds when I re-read it?
We picked out the setting together and I told him it was up to him to choose the center stone so I knew it was coming at some point. He told me it would be around February and then proposed on New Year's Eve so I was very surprised!
I knew exactly when he was going to propose but I wasn’t supposed to. Basically, we chose the ring together but it was very important to FI that he plan the proposal and it be a surprise. My FMIL ruined that when she and FI were talking on the phone one day (it was on speaker) and she mentioned something about it. FI tried to get her to shut up but she evidently didn’t get the memo. He was seriously pissed for a few days and I told him that if he wanted to hold off on proposing to plan something else that I would understand. At that point he had already had the ring for a few weeks and he just wanted it to be official. He ended up following through with the original plans which really were perfect. He was definitely still bummed though. He planned this special night and his mother ruined it (though, even to this day, she doesn’t know that).
In our situation, even if the proposal would have been a surprise to me, I still would have known it was coming eventually since I picked out the ring. That, I would never change. I absolutely loved being involved in the selection of my ring. To be honest, I think it was probably some of the most fun FI and I have ever had together and it’s an experience that we’ll never forget. With that said, would I have liked the actual proposal to have been a surprise? I guess so just so I could have had that “OH MY GOD!” moment but I’m happy with how ours turned out.
We looked at rings months before, narrowed down my top choices, so I was surprised with the ring selection. He tried to surprise me but I caught on.
My proposal was wonderful. He invited all of the special couples in our life to be there and not only did I get a proposal; I was able to share the moment with all of our friends.
He told me right from the beginning of our relationship that he meant to marry me.
He is a keeper!!!
@Liss - I laughted the entire time. LOL
I was hoping he would propose soon (it was mid-November, and I thought he *might* around the holidays) but I was caught completely off guard! Especially because he did it at home, when we were preparing dinner. I absolutely loved the surprise, and I am glad I didn't know exactly when it was coming!
I wasn't surprised at all. We had been talking about it, as various job/location situations kind of made marriage the next step for us. I'm a control freak and I hated not being in control of such a big part of my future, so once I knew he had started ring shopping & wanted to propose, I asked him a lot when it would happen. He told me it would happen by a certain date, and we had gotten to the last weekend before that date, so really it was a matter of Friday or Saturday.
I didn't mind it being this way. I'm sure it would be awesome to be surprised, but this worked better for me! And I still got a bit of the surprise element when he confessed he'd started ring shopping!
I dont want to sound closed minded but I truly believe it has to come as a complete surprise out of the blue, and after knowledge that both partners are on the same page (marriage in the future, going to be together forever .. ) but no real wedding/marriage plans are discussed, personally I'm not even big on discussing ring plans.
I know a lot of gals have rings picked out or want custom ones or something specific, in a perfect world IMO I'd want to be surprised with something I love and it would come totally unexpectedly.
Maybe it's because I'm just such a control freak when it comes to just about everything in my life that it's one of the things that I'd love not to have to handle.
I sent him a picture of the ring style I wanted, but he gave me no indication of when the proposal would happen. I didn't want to know though because I wanted part of it to be a surprise (I love surprises).
Other? I knew it was coming because of the way he was acting but its not like we picked out rings or had a timeline or anything. In fact, just a few months before we got engaged DH Told me that he would probably propose in about 1.5-2 years which I was totally fine with! But then he started doing things that clued me in and I figured it out. I was still surprised but I also knew it was coming. I would have loved to have been completely surprised (like Miss Candy Apple) but DH is terrible at keeping secrets!!
My then-fiance surprised me at my birthday dinner in front of many of my friends. It was perfect and I'm glad my friends were there to witness the proposal. He even spoke to my Dad prior to the proposal and picked an amazing ring all by himself without any hints from me. I wanted a surprise propoal and I got an amazing one!
Haha I walked into a jewelry store and he followed me they asked him if he wanted to apply for a Gordons credit card and was approved for a $5000 limit one thing led to another which led to another and he bought me the ring I liked best right on the spot... in 2 weeks it was fitted and ready for pick up. The woman handed the ring to me (hahaha) My FI put it in the locked box so I couldn't play with it =( I kept waiting and waiting for him to propose (I guess he was waiting for Valentines Day) However I don't like to wait and got upset one day and finally let it out asking if he was ever going to propose. LOL He was so cute, he told me to close my eyes and he got the ring out got on 1 knee while I was laying on the couch and proposed. hahah. After he put it on me and I was admiring it and such he was like "aren't you going to call people and take pictures of it for your friends... cause I want to" hehe awww I love him.
We had already been talking about getting married =)
And he knows I don't like big public scenes or surprises so it was just cute and pefect =)
I was totally surprised (at the Disneyland castle Valentine's Day!)... dream come true! Although we had talked about getting married someday and we had looked at rings this was not something "for sure" just conversations. It turns out that he bought the ring about 3 months prior to the surprise proposal and I was honestly clueless. For me it was perfect, and I'm so happy I didn't know.
I wanted DH to surprise me, but he actually won a contest and had to propose onstage- so- He told me because he didn't want me to be publicly surprised (so I am glad he told me) but I wish I could have had a private surprise proposal because that is more our preference. That's okay. We were just so uncomfortable onstage that it was a little more awkward than it would have been!
I was somewhat surprised, although I knew it would be happening within a period of a few months so it wasn't a HUGE surprise. He did catch me off guard though, when I walked in from a weekend trip. The reason I didn't suspect is because he told me earlier that week he needed a bit more time to save for a ring. Wouldn't have had it any other way :)
Lol I think it's kind of funny that some people are really offended or whatever that other people approached the proposal differently... Does it really matter? (This is not directed at any one in particular, it's just a common theme I was reading into.)
On that note, we picked out (and bought *gasp*) the ring together. I knew he would do it at some point after that, though he waited several months for the "perfect date." It worked for us. We aren't a very mushy or romantic couple and I personally hate being surprised by something, so not knowing when he would do it really bothered me. We'd been together a while, talked about marriage and finances, and then bought it together since we'd already been combining finances for years.
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I've been reading so many messages where some of you bees already have your wedding date, but are awaiting the official proposal that you know for certain is coming. At first, I have to admit that this struck me as odd--if you know it's coming and have a ring picked out, what exactly is the proposal? My proposal, while we had discussed marriage someday, was completely out of the blue, so much so that I giggled for 30 seconds before I said yes (!) which lead me to think that as much as I love the old fashioned surprise, I can see the benefits to knowing about it. (major run-on sentence!)
So what about you? Were you surprised or did you know? Either way, which did/do you prefer?
On Edit: Let me clarify, when I say surprised, I don't mean that you have never discussed marriage, as I agree that is healthy and modern couples should have that conversation at some point to see where they both stand. I mean surprise in terms of you didn't choose the exact ring together, didn't know he had purchased a ring, and didn't have a particular timeline in which you knew it would be happening. Otherwise, I consider it to be expected. And while I know some people are saying that they didn't know *exactly* when or how, I'm already assuming that on all accounts of proposals :)