Post # 1
I’ve been reading so many messages where some of you bees already have your wedding date, but are awaiting the official proposal that you know for certain is coming. At first, I have to admit that this struck me as odd–if you know it’s coming and have a ring picked out, what exactly is the proposal? My proposal, while we had discussed marriage someday, was completely out of the blue, so much so that I giggled for 30 seconds before I said yes (!) which lead me to think that as much as I love the old fashioned surprise, I can see the benefits to knowing about it. (major run-on sentence!)
So what about you? Were you surprised or did you know? Either way, which did/do you prefer?
On Edit: Let me clarify, when I say surprised, I don’t mean that you have never discussed marriage, as I agree that is healthy and modern couples should have that conversation at some point to see where they both stand. I mean surprise in terms of you didn’t choose the exact ring together, didn’t know he had purchased a ring, and didn’t have a particular timeline in which you knew it would be happening. Otherwise, I consider it to be expected. And while I know some people are saying that they didn’t know *exactly* when or how, I’m already assuming that on all accounts of proposals 🙂
Post # 3
I could tell he was getting close to proposing and had a pretty good hunch that he would propose somewhere within a 3-4 month time period but the actual proposal was a big suprise.
Post # 4
We picked out the ring together so I knew a proposal was coming but didn’t know where/when/how/etc.
So I’m sort if in-between. I was surprised when it did happen, but not OMG-I-had-no-idea-you-were-even-considering-marrying-me-ever kind of thing.
I think couples discussing marriage and when each sees it happening, is a normal, healthy conversation and doesn’t ruin the proposal at all.
Post # 5
While I knew my FI had the ring so I was expecting a proposal, I was still completely surprised and taken aback when he actually proposed! I’m not sure how to answer your poll.
I really liked ring shopping with my FI so I absoutely wouldn’t change the way it all unfolded. 🙂
Post # 6
I can’t really vote because I kind of knew it was coming because we’d been talking a lot about getting engaged, but I was still shocked when he actually proposed.
Post # 7
I absolutely loved knowing. It made everything about our relationship a partnership instead of being surprised by the proposal or falling into it. And it was still incredibly romantic and the actual moment was a surprise (I knew it was coming, but not when).
I was proposed to previously. It was a surprise and I wish I had known! Once he’s on one knee it’s hard to say no. It ended pretty badly that way and I wasn’t prepared for it.
Post # 8
I knew he had the ring and I knew the day he was planning on proposing. I kinda wish I had known less, but it was still special to me.
Post # 9
@Liss: I agree! I totally don’t get how people are still in the ‘waiting’ stage when they already went to pick out the ring or know he has it or have even gone so far as to start planning. I seriously dont understand the ‘proposal’ at that point .. just a silly formality to me. It’s one thing to talk about getting married and say that someday or soon you want to get engaged, then then ‘when’ is still completely in the air and you still feel like its could be an if it ever happens. I would say we had talked about, but not ever really seriously or even anything about when. Things were just going great and we figured we’d get there eventually, so when he did propose it was a surprise.
Post # 10
we pick out my ring together (and he bought it) but he didnt just give me the ring…he waited like 13 hours then proposed
Post # 11
Me and FI had talked about marriage. We knew we wanted to get married one day. I kind of knew it was coming because i had a ring i would wear every once in a while. I went to grab it one day and it was gone. I asked our room mates if they seen it and neither one did. Than i asked FI and he had it in his pocket. I thought that was kind of odd. Than that night we went to my parents for dinner and he asked if he could speak to them privatley. Also out of the ordinary. Than our last stop was the mall. He told me i had to wait in the car. Again weird. So when we got home i was taking my make-up off and getting ready for bed and he kept falling me around wherever i went. Than he said it. Come sit down i have a question for you. And he proposed in the bedroom. I kind of seen it coming but, it was still somewhat of a surprise. I guess he originally bought the wedding band instead of the engagement ring and my mom told him to go exchange it (so that’s why we had to stop at the mall). I guess he was so excited he couldn’t wait.
Post # 12
Honestly – I worry for anyone who’s proposal was a complete and utter surprise. Entering into an engagement having never discussed marriage and plans before just isn’t smart IMO.
That said – you don’t have to know all the details either!
I’d say my proposal was a surprise (by my definition). We’d discussed getting engaged / married and I knew he was intending to propose sometime in the next 6 months or so just because of our discussions. I knew he had looked at rings (not with me though – he wanted to do that all on his own) but didn’t know that one had even been bought.
So when he actually asked, I had no clue of the planned date, time, manner, ring, ect. That was all a complete surprise even though I knew a proposal was coming in the semi-near future.
ETA: Just saw your clarification to the OP.
Post # 13
@Mrs.KMM: I agree, that’s why I just added on edit that I am considering surprise to mean that you did not have any knowledge that the ring was bought and that a proposal was coming within an imminent timeframe. I think most couples at some point discuss marriage and if they don’t, then perhaps a proposal shouldn’t happen.
Post # 14
I knew pretty much to the exact minute when he was going to propose. We had picked out the ring and were waiting on the jeweler to finish setting it. He had already told me that he was going to propose as soon as he picked it up because we both couldn’t wait. It was supposed to be ready on Tuesday… then Wednesday… then Thursday… then finally on Friday it was ready. We had already made plans for dinner, so we decided that we’d meet at my place first to do the proposal before going out to celebrate. When he came over, he actually made a joke of it by starting with “so, let’s have a little chat” and acting overly casual when we both knew what was coming. Even though it was not a surprise, I have to say that I still cried hysterically!
I wouldn’t change a thing about my proposal 🙂
Post # 15
I knew i was coming because he’s not very good at sneaking around. he would ask me questions out of the blue like “where’s that ring you showed me a few months ago that you liked” or “whats that stone shape you like” etc.. and he would go off shopping on his own, which he NEVER does. and wouldn’t let me come along.
however, he doesn’t know that i knew. he thinks it was a surprise. and I NEVER plan on telling him otherwise.
Post # 16
my FI asked me long before we ever got engaged how i wanted him to propose. i had never really thought about anything specific and so i told him all i really wanted was a good story to tell and to be surprised. but i also wanted some say in the ring. so we did look at rings together and i picked one. but then i made it clear he still had to surprise me! and he totally did! it was a year later and i was getting impatient. we had a convo in the afternoon while camping and he truly made me believe he had not even bought the ring yet! so of course i was out of my mind surprised when he popped the question that night on the beach!