(Closed) Surprise Shower FAIL! (long and tragic)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Oh you poor dear.  Sounds horrific. 

Here’s the good news.  You’ve got a great guy who gets you and he did the right thing for you.  And a best friend who deserves a big hug.  I would remind FI that he should have told you to get dressed or let you in on the secret  – so you wouldnt be embarassed.  But he handled it well.

Post # 4
Member
7697 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@tootietoo2:

Oh, I am soo sorry that happened.  I don’t have anxiety attacks but I was very, very shy and didn’t like being the center of attention.  I had a surprise shower too-even when I told my mother I didn’t want a shower either, and that if anyone was planning one I wasn’t going to go.   Well, at least the day is over, your FI stayed with you, your best friend stuck up for you.  Don’t worry about accepting the gifts-and at least it is now OVER!!! 

Post # 7
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I get anxiety attacks, not from social situations, but they are horrible and no one can really understand how even though they seem completely irrational, you feel like you are dying and you really have absolutely no control over it.  You are so lucky to have such an understanding FI who took good care of you.  Don’t feel bad that he did that, be thankful that he was there for you and stood next to you the whole time.

Post # 8
Member
14503 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am so sorry.  Did everyone finally come to an understanding of what happened?  I hope you will not let this stop you from enjoying your wonderful wedding.  Just sit back and open your gifts with a nice cup of tea, they were meant as a gift out of love.  Maybe your FH can take photos of each and you can write nice thank yous out and you could include the picture.

Post # 11
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

(((hugs))) I suffered from debilitating panic attacks earlier in my life. They weren’t triggered by social situations, but there were times that I couldn’t function because of them. I would try my best to get to a private place when I felt one coming on, but the worst of my attacks happened during my college years and college is a hard place to find privacy. 🙂 So I can totally relate to the additional stress that comes from having other people see a very intense and difficult thing like a full-on panic attack.

I’m sorry that this happened to you, but I’m so glad to hear that your FI and best friend stuck up for you. That’s so important! I think that it’s a tricky balance to keeping anxiety conditions under wraps: on the one hand, it’s really no one’s business but yours and if you talk about it TOO much, some folks out there will be dismissive and take it as an “excuse.” On the other hand, keeping it so close to your chest and otherwise well-intentioned friends and family will act as they did, putting you in a situation that provokes strong panic attacks and then not being understanding about it. (Although family members berating you doesn’t sound well-intentioned at all.)

(Please note: I’m not at all suggesting that it’s your fault for what happened because you didn’t advertise your anxiety attacks!! I’ve been in very similar situations, so I really do relate. I hope you know what I meant!)

Post # 12
Member
14503 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think all anyone will remember in the end is what a beautiful bride you were.  Honestly I can only remember one shower I went to and that was just a few weeks ago. 

Post # 14
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@tootietoo2: It’s really no one’s business, but there’s also no shame in it…so never mind what they say. Chin up, friend! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Aside from the panic attacks, If it had been me, I would have been PISSED if no one had at least told me to dress up (on the sly or something – make up ANY STORY).

I’m so sorry to hear that, panic attacks can be debilitating and scary and no one ever seems to understand. It’s so great you have loving and understanding people like your FI and besfriend in your life!

Post # 16
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@tootietoo2:  I’m so sorry that this happened to you…truly.  I suffer from anxiety as well and while my panic is not socially-based, it has caused me to take time outs from normal life.  

As you know, it’s really difficult to explain to someone who hasn’t had an attack why it’s so difficult to control it.  You honestly do feel like you’re dying and talking yourself down takes a lot of control and concentration.  Once you get to the level where you can’t breathe, it’s almost impossible and I often have to ride it out if I haven’t been able to stop it before it gets to that point.  I can’t imagine going through that with a group of people near by…I’m so sorry.

I think that you’ve handled yourself incredibly well.  I think that it’s amazing that you’re calling everyone to personally thank them.  To be honest, I think (while they were trying to do something nice for you) that they are probably either embarrassed or upset that they participated in something that made you so upset.  By calling them, you’re probably making them feel better.

In any case, you’re a strong person.  You should NOT be embarrassed.  Your FH is awesome to have stayed with you…and think of it this way…he now fully understands what you’re dealing with and can help you more by knowing (same goes for your family and close friends).

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