Post # 1
My fiance and I have been together for 6 years and recently decided to get married. His parents are taking us on a cruise in late December and we thought ‘what a great opportunity!’. We are not very traditional people, the cost and work of planning a wedding just aren’t worth it to us. We established our commitment to each other years ago, but just never felt the need to make it legal. Comming up on our 6th year anniversary and the opportunity to get married on a cruise has made us decide to take the plunge. I had to tell my Mom and my brother that we planned to get married to get them to come on the cruise too, but we are not planning on telling his parents until we get on the cruise. We just thought it would be a fun surprise for them. My fiance’s parents are pretty low key so don’t think it being a surprise would be a problem, just something that will make our cruise together that much more special. But some of my friends have this concerned look when I explain that it will be a surprise. We also plan to have a secondary ceremony (more of a reception) for our friends the summer after- maybe a group camping trip. I am a little worried that his parents might be a little upset that they are the last to know, what do you think?
Post # 3
You know his parents best (well, he knows them best) and if you think that they are low key then do it!
Especially seeing as you are having a rececption later too. I can’t see a down side here.
Post # 4
it sounds like a fun idea, but do you think they are going to feel out of the loop if your bro and mom know but they don’t?
Post # 5
He’s going to know best how theyd respond. I’m not sure that I’d want to be the only two people that didn’t know it was happening, but I’m kinda anti-surprise in general.
Post # 6
I could see it being an issue if this cruise was something special they had planned then suddenly “oh, we are getting married, and you guys are the last to know”. But you know them better than we do.
Post # 7
@chasesgirl: This was my thought too.
OP: Do they at least know that you and your family will be cruising with them? If not, you should really tell them that much. They may have a completely different plan for their vacation, so they may appreciate some warning to adjust their expectations to “family vacation” instead of “couple vacation”
Post # 8
I think I would tell them. As a Mom, I would want to know. They may want the chance to do little things to make your day even more special for you. His Mom may choose a different dress. I don’t know if this is the kind of surprise I would like.
The surprise can be for all of the rest of your family and friends when you return.
Post # 9
He knows his family best, but I think it’s a cute idea! You might want to drop some hints that they’ll need nice clothes, but cruises usually have nice dinners, so they should have them anyway. I would say something about “wanting to do something really special all together” or something like that so they know to expect something.
Post # 10
They are paying for a cruise, I think they would be kind of surprised that they are actually paying for a wedding. And not in a good way. I would tell them.
Post # 11
I like the idea, but if some people already know- will they feel unprepared?
Post # 12
@VAwife: Yep his parents know that my mom and brother will be comming, and I know they will have nice clothes with them.
He is their only child, this is why I am trying to be extra careful. He is sure they will think it’s super fun though.
Post # 13
@happyface: We will be paying for the wedding part entirely.
Post # 14
@Hasellyn: Oh okay in that case I think it’s okay. You two know his parents best, but try to subtly talk to them beforehand to make sure they won’t feel sad about missing typical or traditional aspects of the wedding or planning process.
Post # 15
If he is their only child, this is their one shot to get to be the parents of a bride/groom. I would recommend giving them the opportunity to enjoy that experience and celebrate it a little bit and not spring it on them at the very last minute. Especially when it (inevitably) comes out that your family knew- I know I would feel pretty hurt to be the last to know.
You and your FI know his parents best, but I can say the only surprise wedding I know of in real life ended in family drama because some people knew and some didn’t and the MOG cried the entire ceremony. And reception. So be thoughtful when making your decision.
Post # 16
If I were them, I’d wonder why I’d be the last to know.