- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2009
I’m a regular poster here, who decided to go anonymous to look for a little third-party insight/suggestions.
A friend of mine is getting married tomorrow. I was supposed to be going (as a guest, not a bridesmaid) with a group of girlfriends (it’s a 10 hour drive), leaving at 7AM this morning. Woke up with an upset stomach around 2AM, and decided by 7 that I was too sick to even attempt a car trip. Gave the girls my credit card (of course the room is in my name — isn’t that how it always happens? Ugh), and told them to have a great time without me. Currently I’m updating from my iPad in bed.
A little background: After the bride booked her venue, they asked her to list a “bridal contact” — someone who could be contacted on the day-of in case of an emergency. She called to tell/ask that she listed me, and that it basically meant they might call me the day of if they needed something and couldn’t get in touch with her. I also did help her coordinate the time of when/where to have things the day of a few months ago, purchased a few things to add to her centerpieces, and helped assemble invitations. Otherwise, I was largely in the dark about what was going on. No e-mail update, txt msgs, etc. Which was fine, considering I was a contact person and figured I would told if I was supposed to be doing something.
Last week, she asked if I could get to the venue early to help place tables and chairs. I consulted with my car, and it turned out we wouldn’t be able to get there early enough for me to help w/ set-up. She said “No problem, found another friend to do it.” Perfect.
This morning, as I’m attempting to get some rest, I get a text from a bridesmaid. Basically asking me if I was sick and that I needed to text her and the bride explaining what was going on. While I feel pretty lousy, I originally thought they were concerned, but I didn’t want to bother the stressed bride with details of me being sick. I thought if someone called me needing something, I could field a call or one of the bridesmaids or something, considering I never received a contact list. I had been invited to rehearsal dinner, but was not attending rehearsal.
I txted back that I was feeling pretty lousy and woke up sick overnight. She sent back that the bride was upset because she had a list of responsibilities for “basically the entire day” that she was going to give me tomorrow. I never heard of anything that I was responsible for, other than a phone contact if something went awry.
After a few more txt exchanges with this bridesmaid, I realized the bride was fully anticipating that I would act as a day-of coordinator. A day-of coordinator that she knew was only planning to arrive at the venue for the start time of the ceremony. And the bridesmaid acknowledged “Um, I think there was massive miscommunication here.”
This may be my massive headache and overall icky-ness talking, but I feel angry and sad. I feel awful that I’ve screwed up plans so close to the ceremony, but no one had given me a list of responsibilities for anything I was responsible for. I would’ve delegated tasks to friends who are there and made it work — I definitely wouldn’t have just not shown up if I knew there were things she was expecting me to do other than show up as a guest. I did end up contacting the bride sincerely apologizing for being sick and feeling bad that I was missing her big day.
Do you think I should feel guilty?? I can’t stop crying, thinking I’ve ruined the day.