(Closed) Surprised at no gifts from certain people

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

No one has to give a gift. Them giving their time and showing up is enough. I’m sorry but you didn’t have to give them an expensive meal and free alcohol, that was your choice.

Post # 4
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

They don’t owe you anything in exchange for being guests at your wedding. If you wanted to charge admission based on your catering costs, you should have included that info on your invitations.

Post # 5
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Give it some time– some people are procrastinators….and by standard rules of etiquette, most experts say that you do have a year to give a wedding gift….

 

 

Post # 6
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

@AlwaysSunny:  This. If you want to treat your wedding like a business transaction (I pay for X, they give me X) then that’s your business but other people are not obligated to do so. It also seems very rude of you to say “Well he’s rich!! He should have gotten me a present!!”. People do not owe you gifts because you invite them to your wedding.

Post # 7
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Oh boy, here we go…

Post # 8
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Beware! You’re probably going to catch a bit of flak for a post like this on here!

Even though you guys aren’t gift mongers, it’s still frustrating when someone who is close to you and seemingly well off doesn’t give you a gift on an important occasion like this. Especially if your relationship with them is strained at times, because you can’t help second-guessing why they didn’t get you a gift.

Unfortunately, you’re never going to know their motivation behind not giving you a gift – it could be because this is your husband’s second marriage, it could be because they don’t approve of the marriage, perhaps they don’t believe in divorce (and don’t recognise second marriages), they may be in financial situations that you don’t know about, they may be sending a gift later (apparently, people have up to a year to give a wedding gift!), or they may just be stingy and this is nothing to do with you or the fact that your hubby is marrying for the second time.

Sure, be frustrated over it (no one can control their feelings, after all), but don’t let it eat you up, and don’t let it affect your relationship with the rest of your husband’s family.

Post # 10
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am having a hard time believing you had DIYed invitations along with a $160 plate dinner and open bar.  Sorry, that just doesn’t add up to me.

Also, a quick internet search and now you know what your aunt was thinking? 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It is indeed standard practice for people who were guests at a 1st wedding to not be obligated to give gifts for the 2nd. Traditionally, 2nd weddings were small low-key affairs, not full-on weddings with huge receptions. The thinking was also that people who were remarrying didn’t need to create whole new households like newlyweds do the first time. Obviously, many of these traditions are based on dated assumptions.

I do agree with the PPs who make the point that your wedding isn’t transactional (i.e. invite exchanged for gift). I think you need to let this go instead of holding a grudge.

Post # 14
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

No one’s saying that they wouldn’t get hurt if they didn’t get a gift from a close family member, so come off it. They’re saying a wedding is not a transaction and although gifts are nice, people are not obligated to give you one. I think LadyElva also did a good job of explaining several reasons why he may not have gotten you a gift. Going on about how rich he is and so he should have gotten you a gift doesn’t do you any favours. :/

Post # 15
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I feel for you. Though, the other posters are correct. It’s not a good idea to expect gifts from all of your guests. If they want to give you something – bonus!

But it still stings. I’m in the same situation actually! I’m a young, first time bride and my guy is getting married the 2nd time around (his ex cheated on him with another guy and left – his family know the whole story) but I’m already experiencing something similar with the wedding shower…some ppl on his side (that I really expected to come) are not coming and probably won’t send gifts.

We just have to brush it off, no matter how hurt we feel! Gifts are a privelidge not a right. 

Post # 16
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@hollywould:  I know what you mean but a gift (by definition) is voluntary so yes, no one has to give a gift. Ever. It’s no longer a gift if it’s compulsory. Especially since this is a second wedding, etiquette dictates that a gift is optional. I wouldn’t like to show up to a wedding empty handed either but things happen and a bride should be understanding. I just hate seeing these entitled rants on here. 

The topic ‘Surprised at no gifts from certain people’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors