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Would you ever consider being a surrogate mother?
I wish i knew someone who would be able to do this for me. But its proving to be harder than imagined!
What do you think bees? Would you carry a child for someone else?
Yes. I was going to do this for a friend who cannot risk a pregnancy because of a medical condition. In the end, they decided to adopt, but I would have done it for her in a heartbeat.
I don’t think I’d be able to do it though I think women who do are amazing! I couldn’t carry a baby for 9 months and go through the joys and crappiness of pregnancy only to hand him/her over to someone else.
I would do it for either of my sisters, although not as my FIRST pregnancy. I'd wait until I had kids of my own, and then I'd do it. For friends or random strangers though, probably not. Maybe if it was a really close friend!
I would do this for one of my siblings (and probably my SIL) if they asked. I don't know that I could do it for anyone else though.
I also wouldn't do it as my first ever pregnancy. I'd want to have children of my own and experience all of those firsts of childbirth and pregnancy with my own child before being a surrogate for someone elses.
I know it would be really hard to hand that child over at the end of 9 months, but if one of my siblings needed that from me, I'd have a really hard time turning them down.
ETA: Obviously DH would have to be okay with it too.
Dang it. I voted before you changed the poll options. I voted for the first option, but now it should be the second because they're different. I would be a surrogate for my sister if she needed me to be.
@UpstateCait: I think the type of pregnancy you have is a real factor. I had easy pregnancies, and silent labors both times ( babies both born within 10 minutes of my feeling the first contractions- which in fact were the last contractions).
Another factor would be that I have already completed my family and have NO desire to have any more children.
We both worked for the same employer. My doctor joked that the employer would be so pissed off having to give two maternity leaves for the same baby ( for us it's one year paid off work-EACH.)
I absolutely would and actually want to but my husband is against me doing it unfortunately :( I am still working on him though.
I had my daughter young and we don't want anymore of our own and I am definitely able and think it would be amazing to give someone the opportunity to be a mother that they might not otherwise have.
I would maybe consider it and only with someone I was very close with and after I was done having my own children. It would certainly not be something I did for a stranger but if I could help out a close friend or family than I would possibly do it.
The law in most states (maybe all) and most agencies (again, maybe all?) dont allow it to happen if its your first pregnancy. Theres a lot of steps and tests to go through before being accepted to do such a gracious act for someone, but you have to have children your own first.
My best friend is 110% willing to be a surrogate for me because she has ZERO interest in having children of her own. but because she doesnt have children of her own, shes not able to surrogate for me. I havent been able to find any agencies that would allow it to happen, even if her and i are both willing to try. Maybe its selfish though because we dont know if shed stay healthy, carry the baby to terms, be mentally healthy to avoid all post partum or depression after, etc. Boo :(
I'd like to say I would, but pregnancy has been a lot harder on me than I thought it would be. Despite that, I think I would still be a surrogate for someone really close -- like my sister or a best friend.
Ugh no way in hell. My tubes are tying themselves just thinking about it.
Another friend of mine (and a bridesmaid) is going to be pregnant in my wedding. Her son is going to be the ringbear, and he is just (who will be 14 months old for the wedding) is wonderful. She had a great pregnancy with him and loved every minute of it. She's in the process of being a surrogate right now for a complete stranger in another state. Shes getting about $60,000 out of the deal. Crazy how money pays!
At the risk of sounding terrible...I don't think I could do it. I have all of the admiration in the world for women who are strong enough to do so.
Based on how I feel now I wouldn't be a surrogate, however after having a child in the future I may change my mind depending on how things go. The idea of pregnancy and birth are the most terrifying for me in the whole "having a child" picture so obviously I am not the ideal candidate for a surrogate.
Before having a baby, I would have considered it. Knowing now what goes into pregnancy and childbirth, though, I know I wouldn't be capable of surrogating for someone else. I think it's an incredible gift, though.
How does insurance treat this? I'm not sure my insurance or employer would be too happy for me to be a surrogate. If I had a close friend like that I would most definitely do it.
Absolutely! But only for a sister, cousin, or very close friend
I have a friend who has always planned on being a surrogate but I think she needs to experience morning sickness first :) Honestly though, it's so hard to put up with pregnancy symptoms and knowing you get a baby in the end is the only thing that makes it worthwhile. I'm also a strong believer in adoption so I probably wouldn't unless the circumstances were absolutely amazing. I couldn't do it for my sister because I could NOT carry my BIL's baby, too weird!
My husbands aunt can't carry a child past the first trimester for some reason and they really want a child. I was going to offer to carry their cild for them but they got a call saying they were approved for an adoption from Tiwan. If they ever decide to try again for a child of their own I will offer it up so they know they have an option other than adopting another child and spending thousands of dollars again.
I would have thought maybe, prior to this pregnancy. I am almost 24 weeks, and I am still sick almost every day. I really suffered with hyperemesis through the first and second trimesters, had to take upwards of 16 pills per day just to keep myself functional. It has impacted my work, both due to me being so sick, and due to some of the risks of my job. I would be incredibly resentful of the pregnancy, if I wasn't doing it for myself and my husband, to be honest. I love growing my own baby, the bond that I have with him/her, that no one else has, but I don't think I could feel that way if it wasn't my own baby. I think for those who have "easy" pregnancies, it might be more of an option though.
Posstibly, if it were for all the right reasons and the right person. I know there are celebrity folks and certain types who just don't want there bodies "ruined" so they pay a surrogate....so I wouldn't be doing it for that.
I don't think I could do it for medical reasons but if that wasn't an issue I'm still not sure I could handle it emotionally. I wish that I could confidently say that I could but I really don't think I'd be able to handle it. What an amazing gift that would be though!
It depends. As a traditional surrogate, as in I'm the genetic mother, no. As a gestational surrogate, as in I'm just "the oven," maybe.
@vreelans: Pregnancy blows. I would only do it for my family.
I thought pregnancy would rock and so I'd do it for anyone.... not so much anymore.
I wish I could be that big of a person. But it's giving people a year of my life, not just a baby. It will change my eating, my work outs, how people see me, how people talk to me, how people treat me, which people respect me--not something I know I can even do for myself again.
We have very close friends that are struggling to get pregnant. My husband and I discussed offering them my womb in the future. This is the only person I would do it for.
DH has a friend who does this for money. She has done it 3 times so far. She had 2 single births and then one set of twins. She uses her own eggs.
This sounds really shallow but I would do it for a big enough paycheck, once I am done with my own kids of course. Also for giving someone the ultimate gift but the paycheck would be good. $60,000 is over two years worth of work for me lol.
@bride21: That is so sweet of you! I bet that they feel so fortunate and lucky to recieve this child through adoption. My FI and i have also looked into adoption. But we always say to each other "Man. If we could just have a kid of our own. to see what they'd look like. to see what behaviors theyd have" -- you should definitely let them know youre willing! Its a very tough question to open up about or ask anyone if theyd consider carrying a baby for you - so maybe theyve thought of it and just havent asked! I appreciate your consideration of doing that for them. Such a wonderful thing.
@julies1949: Good point. Maybe I'd feel different after experiencing pregnancy first hand. I just think that from an emotional standpoint, it would be really tough to "brew" a baby and give it up.
I don't have any women in my life with fertility problems so I don't think the subject would ever come up. I'm the one who's going to have a challenge getting pregnant. One of my best friends has already said she'd surrogate for me but that was over a few glasses of wine so it wasn't a formal offer or anything. In all reality, I think she would do it (she LOVES being pregnant!) but I hope it never comes to that.
@mwitter80: that is SO kind of you. im sure theyll feel more than blessed.
i have a friend in the process right now of doing it for money - shes using the couples sperm & egg so nothing is her own. but she surely is going to get a large sum of $ for being the oven!
@Genuine513: I think a lot of surrogate mothers do it for the money! Thats the 100% reason my best friend is doing it right now for a family. Shes getting a huge sum of money for it! You could be an oven for someone and almost NEVER have to work! People are willing to pay A TON. its unreal!
Its a little difficult to say yes for sure because I have not been pregnant yet.. But I do think it is something I would like to do. I want to have at least one child of my own first, to see how pregnancy goes for me. I wouldnt want my first experience to be for someone else.. I think that would be wayyy too hard and scary. But it everything goes well, I have actually said before that I would like to do it. I'd do it for you dear, if I could :P
@vreelans: I was going to mention it to them but they found out about the adoption the day before we were going to meet up so they announced it before I could offer it. I'll probably wait until they decide if they want another one or not. Their little girl will be 6 months old by the time they get her (next month) so it will probably be awhile before they want another one anyway. I wouldn't even ask then for any money other than what it would cost for prenatal stuff and they would be more than willing to pay that since it would be their child.
My sister and I made a pact FOREVER ago that if one of us couldn't carry, the other would be a surrogate. We have talked about it a million times. Actually one of my first thoughts when I found out I was pregnant was that she didn't need to worry about it now! Now that I'm pregnant I've told her I really hope she can get pregnant on her own, but of course I'd still absolutely do it. Also, she's the only one I'd do it for I think.
I think the only person that I would consider being a surrogate for is my sister (who already has 2 kids so no need there) or maybe my SIL. But, honestly, I voted that I probably couldn't go through with it. I'm almost 21 weeks into my first full term pregnancy (had a prior miscarriage) and I think it would be far too emotional for me to actually go through with it. I have had an easy pregnancy so far but already feel very bonded to this baby and I'm not sure that I'm strong enough to do it for someone else.
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