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I think that's really awesome of you! :) I don't know the legal technicalities or anything but that is a really amazing thing for you to do!
I would be very careful about this. It is a very sweet gesture; however, you would be carrying a child for nine months. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be able to give up a baby after carrying it to term because I would become way to attached. Even if you would be able to see the child any time you wanted to, the child would still belong to someone else. It takes a very strong a courageous person to be able to do this. I am not that strong or courageous. If you have a very strong maternal instinct, I wouldn't do it.
I asked a similar question a while ago (and just spent the last five minutes finding it, hahaha) - I don't remember all the responses, but I bet there are some that you might find useful / interesting! http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/would-you-ever-consider-surrogacy
I was planning on doing then but due to medical reasons can not now. But there is ALOT of legal things that you need to look into and adoption is also something to look into there are LOTS of kids who need homes.
I'm not sure. It's still a few years off (if it ever does happen) so I have no idea.
I would be fine either way, but I do think it would cause more problems if they used my eggs, as I would be the biological mother.
I wouldn't want to keep the truth from the child (about me being the mother) but I feel that would cause more confusion for the child when they question their parentage.
It's not an easy thing. I offered because they mentioned how much surrogacy is (as some surrogates want you to pay living expenses, ect.) I mentioned I would do it for free. I love my brother and his partner and want them to be able to have a baby should they decide to.
I actually saw an episode of "A Baby Story" where they did this. The mother loved it because she always had that maternal bond, and while the baby lived with the two dads, she became the aunt that could be there for the daughter who needed help with typical girl things.
I think that it's an incredibly selfless thing to do, and I know I probably couldn't do it, but it would be a great opportunity for both your brother, his partner, and yourself to be a part of that.
Oh, and I would just like to say that the 'cool aunts' are always more fun than the stuffy mom, so your role would be awesome :P
@lostbee1234: My younger sister is having a hysterectomy on the 9th of June. She's 21. My nephew is 4. She's not in a relationship at the moment but she hopes to get married one day. She has said multiple times that she is hoping to adopt should she get married but I am more than willing to be a surrogate for her. I would have to use my eggs since she's having her ovaries removed as well. I know that it would be a very difficult thing to do, especially if it is a redheaded baby (my youngest daughter and I are the only 2 people in our family with red hair), but I love my sister more than anything and would do it in a heartbeat. I would definitely do some pre-baby counseling just to make sure I would be able to go through with it but I am so willing to do this for my sister. It could definitely be tricky but I would love to give my sister another baby if I could and give my nephew the little brother or sister that he so badly wants. Still being a part of that child's life would be all the payment I'd need.
I probably would not, I have a feeling I would get attached to the child, it would be difficult to relinquish control. If they didn't have any other options I would probably consider it.
I think this is an awesome thing to do. I am in my second pregnancy right now, and i feel this is something that I could/would do if I had someone in my life (close family only) that needed it. However, that being said, I doubt if this would ever occur in my own life, as luckily, everyone I know has been blessed with children. I agree you should use another donor egg though!
I think this is such an awesome thing to do, and my hat's off to you...but I am ashamed to say that I know in my heart of hearts that I probably wouldn't be able to do the same thing. I'm pregnant with my first child, and I can't imagine feeling all the kicks, rolls, and waves, getting to "know" the baby like I'm getting to know this little guy...and all the while knowing that I would have to give him up at the end.
I would want to want to, you know? But I think ultimately that it would be a bad situation if I ever tried to actually do it.
My SIL was told that she would not have children, so my brother asked if me or my sister would consider surrogating. I have fertility issues of my own, so I would probably be a no go, but my sister said she would do it for us no problem. However, my SIL is now pregnant (ha! What do you know doctors!) with their first child and is over the moon happy. I want to try and carry my own biological children, but it's comforting to know that if I need a surrogate, my sister is there. And I would use my own eggs because my issues stem from being able to carry to term, nothing is wrong with my ovaries.
I would feel uncomfortable with having a niece or nephew I was also the mother of... but I can't say for sure how I would feel if my brother asked me.
I hated being pregnant, but I can say if my sister were unable to carry a child and asked me to do this for her, I would. I think I would be able to keep myself from getting "too" attached and starting to consider the baby as mine. Now, had I never had a child, I'm not sure I would, because my first pregnancy being a surrogacy would be odd and probably more difficult. But since I've had a child of my own, I would definitely do it if my sister needed me to.
Thanks for all the advice!
Just wanted to add, I am 22 and my boyfriend and I are no where ready to be parents (probably not for another 5 years at least). So, in a way, I feel like that would help me. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love babies (hence why I want a niece/nephew) and can't wait to be a mother, but I know at this point in my life (and for the next few years) it's not a good decision. We just aren't in the right financial situation, and although I'm sure I would step-up should I ever become pregnant, I recognize right now that I am a little selfish to be able to have my own baby. Not that I wouldn't take care of myself should I be pregnant, but it's after the pregnancy I would be worried about.
Haha, obviously I'm thinking about this a lot. It is a hard thing to be pregnant with a baby that, when it's born, will not be yours. I think a solution would be to make it more about them bonding with the baby, such as feeling it kick, ultrasounds, ect.
I just think they're a couple with so much love to give and would make great parents! I hope one day, if they do decide to have a baby, that I can help them in some way.
I think if it were an implantation of a fertilized egg (from donors) then it would be a lot easier down the line. Yes, you'll still have a maternal instinct, but it seems it would be a lot easier to just be "aunt" when the child isn't half of your dna, you know? I wouldn't want to be tempted to tell his/her dads how to raise them because I know how I would act/react in situations. Does that make sense? I fell like it would be easier to let go and let them take control and make all the parenting decisions is your only attachment was the 9 months of gestation. But I think I would also be on board for surrogacy for a sibling, but I also think it would be easier for my own. I don't think I could do it for my husbands siblings... but who knows. I just don't really enjoy being pregnant!
I think it's amazing that you would offer this to your brother!! I may need someone to surrogate for me down the road and both of my sisters jumped to yes without hesitation. It made me feel really loved in a way I can't really explain. I think using a donor egg would be best, but also if you don't and continuously focus on the fact it's not yours but theirs and you're protecting it/carrying it for those 9 months it would be great. I also think how you said involving them in ultra sounds, kicks, etc would be very beneficial!
My sister is probably the only person in the world I would consider doing that for, so I think it's really courageous and kind that you're considering it. I do think you should use donor eggs though. Otherwise it's your baby, and legally you are not a surrogate, but actually a birth mother who's giving the child up for adoption. Also, every time you see the baby and one of its dads disciplines it or does something you don't agree with, it might be really hard for you to detach yourself from. But if it ever comes down to it and you decide to go for it, I think it's an amazing gift.
I think that's an amazing thing for you to do!
Personally I just wouldn't be able to do it. Not b/c I wouldn't want to, but I get really bad migraines and they're even worse during pregnancy. I have to take all sorts of meds. I feel awful enough putting those meds into my baby's body, I would never be able to do it with someone elses.
My sister and I have always said that we would do this for each other if either of us couldn't have kids for any reason. We made the pact when we were little, probably like 12 or something, and now we're 29 and 25 and we are both still 100% on board. I'd totally do something like this as well.
Do you already have your own kids? What if complications from being a surrogate mean you can't have your own later? (unlikely but possible)
I had a rough birth with CoWBoy, so I don't think I would be willing to surrogate in this case but I won't say 'never'.
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My brother is in a same sex relationship. I've offered to surrogate for them should they ever want to have a baby.
Just wondering if anyone else has done something similar, and what your experience was.