Post # 1
I am a Punjabi Sikh girl marrying a caucasian guy (neither of us are religious). We are planning to have two weddings. My parents are difficult, although at this point they have accepted him and know they cannot do anything about it. But there is still a huge expectation on us to have the traditional giant Indian wedding, and the planning has proven to be a complete nightmare.
We’ve been looking for venues for months and can’t find a good place (we want a place that’s charming, not a bleak hotel conference room) that allows outside catering and also allows for the 200 guests my parents want to invite! We are now considering the option of having a destination wedding in the Caribbean or elsewhere.
This process is so stressful and frustrating. Today I was showing my mom a venue that I like and all she could say was “why don’t you just pick whatever you want, you’re doing everything your own way anyway.” And I was just completely blown away, we are going through all this just to find a hall to accomodate the giant party THEY want, not us! If it was up to us we’d have an adorable little vintagey backyard wedding party with lanterns and wildflowers, or a beach wedding in a cute little beach town or something.
I am so tired and frustrated…I want to just elope at this point.
Post # 3
I’m not planning an intercultural wedding, but I am planning the giant Indian wedding with 8000 times too much input from every relative I didn’t know I had, so believe me, I know how you feel! I spent the whole holiday contemplating how easy 24.99 plus tax would be at a drive-thru in Vegas, haha.
We had the same venue issue – there was nowhere big enough for our wedding that was still reasonable enough (both in terms of price but also in terms of allowing us our own types of food/sweets etc.) We finally ) went with Embassy Suites – you don’t say where you are in your post, but I would def look into using them if you have one in the vicnity as they have been very helpful in allowing us all the cultural type things we need. Letting us bring ourown catering for a nominal “plating fee” has been a huge cost-saving!
Other places we considered were other mid-range hotels (country inn and suites, westin, doubletree, etc. all of whom were also fairly reasonable but not as willing to work with the budget)
Post # 4
Oh lord. I am JUST starting our planning and his dad’s side is south asian… and he was adament we have a conference hall and invite hundreds of people. I wish you the best. I would probably just do the DW. In fact, I would personally do it if my parents were able to travel okay. 🙁 Sorry that wasn’t helpful!
Post # 5
I know! I have gone from several ranges of numbers, we went from 300 (what my parents want) to 113 (what FI & I want) and now we are settling to 200. Isn’t it amazing how we do what they want, but yet they come back and say “Do you what you want” and its like….ummm really? Then they change their minds lol oh how I love my desi parents!!! Lol I wish we could have a “normal” wedding where we atleast know everyone!
Post # 6
how do people plan DWs? it seems so stressful and crazy and there is so much uncertainty. how do you know the food will be good? the flowers fresh? etc etc
Post # 7
@DCweddinggal: Honestly, I don’t think it matters much unless you’re doing it in the US. I know when my fiance and I travel to the Caribbean, we seem to have an internal shift. Once you’re on an island it’s a different vibe. Probably because everyone is on “island time”. You just end up being happy to get food. Everything tastes better there, anyways. 🙂
Most resorts have a wedding coordinator who work with their local vendors. Islands are small and everyone knows everyone… so you get probably the best they can offer anyways.
I would suggest going down for a jaunt if you decide to do it before booking them, just to make sure it feels right. Also, a lot of the islands have some sort of south asian population so you can probably find fusion food options. St. Croix even had a radio broadcast on Sunday that played old bollywood songs.
Post # 8
I am just starting to plan my intercultural wedding and already afraid of the possible drama. I think there will be conflicts over where we hold it. I don’t want to do it in FI’s hometown bc then his parents are going to invite everyone in the world (one of his siblings had over 600 guests at his wedding) and I don’t like a lot of the venues there. I suggested a destination in between both of our homes, but we have a feeling his parents my fight us on it. Crosses fingers you figure it all out!
Post # 9
I’m also planning an intercultural wedding, so I understand how crazy and frustrating it can get. We are actually having two wedding ceremonies in one day! I feel like my parents’ guest list gets bigger everyday….even for the Sangeet, which is 2 days before the wedding, they went from saying they wanted to invite 100 people to 175! Sometimes I wish I had chosen to elope. It’s really true what they say: “Their wedding, our marriage”. I say go for the destination wedding if it’s all too much!
Post # 10
@DCweddinggal: Two of my FSILs got married in the one trip to Italy, and they did have some extra stuff to organise, but they simplified everything thry could – no flowers or programs, and we basically wandered around Rome until we found a restaurant that could accommodate 25ish people for dinner each day! They booked photogs through the church, and asked in the hotel for hair and make up recommendations. After dinner each night we pretty much monopolised an Irish bar for the night, and a wonderful time was had by all! Very relaxed, and very fun indeed.
Don’t know if that’s helpful, but if you can’t win with the folks while you’re trying to do things to please them, then you might as well please yourselves! Best of luck!
Post # 11
@DCweddinggal: I just had my wedding this past weekend and I could have written the post you wrote! At the end of the weekend we could say that people had fun at our two receptions–one the smaller “American” one with the ceremony and reception and the second and much larger Eritrean reception–but planning was a nightmare.
Post # 12
We had the same venue issue. First of all, our main request to my parents was for them to plan their Sunday reception in the vicinity of the Saturday ceremony/reception–meaning in the same county or in the region. They were a region over, about two counties over, but we wanted our guests to not have to travel at least an hour between two events in two days.
We came up against prospective venues not allowing outside catering–meaning at least one of the following:
- no catering other than the hotel restaurant
- no catering other than what is on our preferred vendors list
- no catering other than what is on our preferred vendors list unless you want to pay a fee for bringing in an outside caterer
- no caterer that is not a licensed and insured caterer
For the Eritrean reception, my parents planned to have friends and family prepare the food. This was done because (1) it’s normal for the culture, I guess and (2) there aren’t any Eritrean or Ethiopian restaurants, nonetheless those that catered, in the area.
So, our venue options were extremely limited even as we searched since about 10 months before the wedding weekend. It was mostly the food/catering issue. Our options were:
- a city park with an event center
- an event venue outside of the county of the Saturday festivities but inside the region
Other concerns when trying to work with a venue included bartending but all three options afforded the space we needed. We ended up going with the pretty venue outside of the county and it worked out great–well, at least logistically. My family still wishes we “let them” have the party in their region but I had to put my foot down and think about all the guests invited, not just the ones they invited.
Tangent: Speaking of that, the wedding party showed up to the second reception 2 hours after the event start time stated on the invitations. As we guessed, the guests that the now-husband 🙂 and I invited showed up around that time while my parents guests were still getting ready at their hotel!