Post # 1
Hi Bees, this evening for some reason I snooped in my FI’s internet history (I know I know). Needless to say, he generally always clears his history but usually from what I know he’s looking at cars, trucks, bikes etc. So, tonight I got caught majorly off guard when I saw that he had been on the website Hot or Not. I don’t know much about the site so I looked it up and basically, it’s a site where you rate the “hotness” or attractiveness of people as well as being a meet up site.
I asked him about it right away and was expecting an answer along the lines of “I heard it on the radio and wanted to see what the hype was” … Or something that gave me a rational explanation. Instead I got this “I just typed in the words “hot” to see what would come up” and when I inquired further, telling him his answer sounds like bs, I got the following: “you’re overthinking this” and “it’s nothing”.
Needless to say he got mad at me and is sleeping in another room. If you read my last post the guy works 24/7, so we really don’t have much time (if any) together and as a family. My head is spinning and I’m freaking out wondering now if he’s not the guy I always thought he was?
Please help me make some rational sense of this, good or bad.
Post # 2
I used to browse that site just for the giggles. I wouldn’t think too much into it.<br /><br />ETA: If you just google the word “hot”, hotornot.com is on the first page of results.
Post # 3
Anon2014: Meh, I don’t think this is a big deal. I’d be way more irritated with internet porn TBH.
I think the bigger issue is your snooping into his internet use. I think he has a right to be pissed about this whole situation, and I don’t blame him for sleeping on the couch. I’d be prepared to do some damage control.
Post # 4
What was the ‘some reason’ you had for snooping through his internet history? And how do you know that he generally clears it? Have you looked through it before? That’s probably why he’s upset, and I don’t blame him.
Post # 5
Anon2014: Oh gosh so I to be honest you shouldnt have looked through his history but its too late now so…..
Can I be honest? He could have been looking up MUCH WORSE things…..ya know? Like give him a little break….maybe he was being honest when he explained why….the point is that he wasnt looking at anything too bad, however, that doesnt mean I wouldnt be kind of hurt too if I knew my love was doing the same. Just please forgive him and tell him youre sorry you invaded his privacy. You obviously love this man and thought highly of him before this incodent. Please just forgive him and ask him to forgive you for snooping. If you approach him with humility and kindness you may even get an apology out of him.
This doesnt mean he isnt the man you thought he was! Everyone has moments of weakness and everyone stumbles… maybe he is overworked? Just love him and try to work through it, you guys will be ok. Approach him as a secure confident woman who is in control of her emotions. He will most likely appologize and maybe even offer an explaination.
Good luck girl!
Post # 6
Anon2014: Going to say that I might actually believe him. If my dh looked at my browser history, he wouldn’t know what to make of it. I often read divorce and ‘other woman’ forums, I don’t comment but I find it interesting to see things from another perspective. So yip my dh might get all worked up and worried about nothing.
I also google random things and see what comes up so I wouldn’t worry too much.
Post # 7
Anon2014: I agree with him, you are overthinking it. “Not the guy you thought he was”? That’s extreme.
1) Why do you feel the need to snoop on him? and 2) What’s the problem with him looking at that site? Do you always try to police him like this?
Post # 8
I’d be pretty fucking pissed if my husband decided to snoop on my computer for no reason. He’d definitely be sleeping at the neighbors, that’s how infuriated I’d be.
Post # 9
He is probably upset that the person he trusted snooped on him and then tried to accuse him of something. Can’t blame the guy.
Post # 10
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
Lol. I used to go on Hot or Not when I was in high school. I gave everyone under 6 a 10 because the ratings were always so harsh. While I find the general concept of him always deleting his history incredibly weird, Hot or Not is mindless nothing. The real question you should be asking is why was he on there at all? It’s a weird site for bored teenagers and insecure people who have posted their own photos.
Post # 11
Hmm… I agree with PPs, what was the reason for snooping? I honestly have never been to hot or not, but sounds kind of funny! Or incredibly cruel… I agree, could have been much, much worse.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t be pissed off if my dh looked through my browser history. Everyone has their moments of insecurities and I have nothing to hide. Trust your instincts, they’re usually right. If in an isolated incident Darling Husband told me the same story I’d believe him, but that’s because I know him like the back of my hand. Only you know what your Darling Husband is like.
Post # 13
Sounds like he’s just upset for being checked up on so to speak.
If my SO loked at porn I wouldnt care we talk about stuff like that openly, I know he’ll look at porn when we spend a couple of weeks apart. This doenst even sound like a porn sight, one of those “Time killer” websites more than anything.
I’d ask him why he was angry/upset and then expain to him why you checked his history and why your upset and go from there, I guess comunication is the key here.
Hpoe it works out for you x
Post # 14
the boys i work with look at it occassionaly (and 3 of the 4) are married. it really isn’t a big deal.
but he is overreacting. why was he so defensive?
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle
ajillity81: If you looked at a harmless website then got bitched out, you’d probably try to defend yourself too.
OP, it’s not like he has a dating profile up on match.com, eharmony, etc. 50% of the population is female. If you can’t handle him even looking at other women online (not even porn!), then you have serious jealousy issues that should be resolved. I don’t blame him for sleeping on the couch if you were snooping unprovoked then picking fights over something so trivial.