Sweet Friend with drama and no self respect – what do i do?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

leisha606:  A true friendship is a lot more than having someone to talk about relationship issues with!!  It is someone whom you can sit and talk about nothing with, and still have the best time ever to someone whom you call upon when you have great news, sad news, or even need a pedicure and do not want to go alone!!  

If all of this applies to you and your gf, then I think her choice in men/relationships is not necessarily toxic to the friendship, but rather toxic to herself.  This does not mean you have to ‘cut all ties’ with her, if she is someone of value to you, but you certainly need to/can tell her that you two need to agree to disagree on the course of actions she takes with these men, and so there is no point in beating a dead horse over ‘what she should do next’, because she ultimately will do what she wants!!  However, in the meantime, you cannot keep listening to the same woes, so you two should no longer discuss the issue!

What you may find is that in NOT discussing her relationships, or even yours, the friendship may end as well, because there was no other ‘value’ in it…if that makes sense!  

Post # 3
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s hard when someone asks you for advice and then keeps making the same mistake over and over again. There are some people who would rather have the drama or wallow in their own self-pity than actively look for a solution. I guess you have to weigh whether or not you can deal with that. I had a friend who complained everyday about how much she hated her job and wanted to move. She would constantly ask for advice about how to find a better job and whenever our mutual friend and I tried to help her, she’d have this excuse or that–she’d just rather complain everyday about how much her job sucked. Then it became how much her life sucked. We tried to be encouraging, but it’s hard when she was negative every single day about every single thing. I felt like a bad friend, but I had to eventually move on from the friendship. The negativity and drama really wore me down and was pretty toxic. 

I guess you have to weigh if you can deal with your friend’s constant drama and still maintain a relationship with her. Sorry–not the best advice, I guess. :/

 

Post # 4
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

leisha606:  I had a situation similar where I watched a friend just continue to make ridiculous choices about relationships. I guess this will sound harsh but I finally got bored to death of her since every single interaction was about the drama surrounding her different hook-ups. She talked about these asshole men so much that it pretty much became the equivalent of her talking about her cat every day to me for hours on end and how she just couldn’t understand why the cat was scratching her furniture when she never got the cat declawed. And my advice was the same “he’s an ass/get away from him/blahblahblah” and that was just as repetitive and was never followed. Just like you, I got to a point where I’d see her messages and I would just cringe.

We all get fixated on our own issues, but most of us know when to let it go and move on from it.

I’d slowly let this one go. Its not so much she’s a bad friend, but really, what do you have in common with her anymore?

Post # 5
Member
5351 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think what you are going through is just a part of friendship. I have had several friends whom go through the same cycle of drama, with the same people/boys over and over. You find yourself repeating your advice and they do it again. BUT, this is being their friend. If this person provides positive qualities in your life and you feel that you can depend on her and she will be there for you, then she is worth it. But, if you feel this friendship is only once sided then you should move on. 

Post # 7
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

leisha606:  Dang, that is SAD.  Who damaged this girl so that she has so little self respect?

At this point, I think you have tried to help her change, but it’s not going to happen.  Therefore, I think your responsibility is now to yourself.  There is no reason you should be dragged into all this repetitive drama.

Since you’ve already tried telling her to change her behavior and she ignores you, I would invite her out for drinks and have a heart-to-heart with her.  I would tell her that you think she’s making really self destructive decisions and that it hurts you to see her disrespect herself this way when she knows better.  I’d tell her that she is a grown woman and is entitled to make her own decisions, but you are no longer willing to be her sounding board, since your advice is ignored and it hurts you to know what’s going on.  Let her know that if you two are going to remain friends you’ll need to base your relationship on something other than her boy drama and you don’t want to hear about it anymore.  If she can’t handle that, then you should go your seperate ways.

This girl is not your lifelong friend.  I don’t think it’s terrible if you cut her out of your life for being a self destructive drama queen.  We are a composite of the people that we spend time with.  I wouldn’t want this person dragging me down.

Post # 9
Member
1028 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

cbgg:  I agree whole heartedly with this response. You seem like you are growing ever more weary and tired of her drama so it might be time to let her know that the conversation about these loser guys ends NOW! Then see where the rest of it goes…

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