Symbolic Wedding Ceremony

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Even though it’s just a symbolic thing, I think this is a really terrible idea and don’t really see the point in doing it.

My FI and I are both from “broken homes” and neither of us ever saw ourselves getting married, but here we are. By all accounts, we’re doing great. We’re also in our late 20s/early 30s.

My big question here is what does a 22 year old want with a 17 year old? You’re not even a legal adult yet. Not only that, but 17 and 22 are VERY different places in your lives as far as what your goal is, what you want RIGHT NOW, and what you’re going to want in the future.

Can you not just keep dating, go to college, get great jobs, and THEN see where you’re at?

ETA: Rereading this, it sounds kind of harsh, and that’s not my intention at all. I’m just trying to lay it out for you.

Post # 4
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@vorpalette:  +1, I agree.

I thought this post was going to be similar to what FI and I are doing. We are legally married, but we didn’t have a ceremony. We are planning one for next year, but it is mostly for my parents and pictures because we are already married. It is “symbolic” but will still be meaningful. I am not sure the point of getting married if it isn’t legal…and actually, is it legal for an adult to marry a minor anyway?

Post # 5
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Just warning you, I’m doing the same thing, I will be 30 when we have our wedding, I’m calling it a wedding cuz I want to!!!,  and opened a post on this subject and was attacked by the other bees. a marriage is the union of two people. And honestly, you are still young, if this is what you want, I say go for it. Don’t let your decision be made by any one other them You and your significant other. Best of luck to the both of You! 

Post # 6
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsPanda99:  It depends on local and state laws. 

Several bees made a really good point in @MrsPocahontas: thread:

The point of marriage, that is, the legality/piece of paper bit, IS the important part. When you are legally married, you are seen, in the eyes of the law, as partners. So if your other half gets seriously injured, you will be allowed in the hospital, allowed to make decisions regarding his or her health, reap a number of legal benefits, and if your other half dies, you are considered next of kin. That is a huge reason that marriage is not to be taken lightly.

I’ll quote a user who said: “There is a lot more to it than just paper that you might be able to use.”

I know that someone made the point about same-sex marriages, and I’m sorry, but that’s not the same thing at all. In a number of places in the US, same-sex marriages aren’t legal, but there are places where the marriage is legal/recognized. Where they ARE legal, they have the same LEGAL benefits that a heterosexual marriage has. 

A marriage that is NOT legal gives you no benefits whatsoever. You can have a commitment ceremony, but is that really what you want at 17?

Post # 8
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@vorpalette:  I would think parental permission would be required, but maybe I’m wrong. I’d be very upset if it was my daughter :-

Post # 9
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@vorpalette:  Bump.

@youngbride22:  The point of the matter, it’s your choice and your life if this is what you want to do.  And it will be you who has to live with the consequences of your actions.  

My wisdom: Enjoy the time you spend with each other, heck move in with each other if that’s what you want to do, but entering into marriage or a fake marriage will not make your relationship any stronger.  I think you’re rushing what should be a natural progression and a serious commitment between two adult parties.  

(What are your dreams? What are your passions in life? How will you support yourself?  What happens if for whatever reason you two are no longer together?  If you have a child from this relationship, how will you support it and yourself? What type of life do you want to have now, when you’re 30, 40, 50, and beyond?)

There are very few people who are the same at 17 as they are at 30, 40, 50, and beyond.  Take your time and enjoy your youth because before you know it, you’ll have bigger problems to deal with than this. 

Post # 10
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsPanda99:  From my county’s website:

  • Persons 16 and 17 years of age must show a certified copy of their birth certificate. Written consent of one parent or legal guardian, who must appear at the time of application, will be required. A driver’s license or photo ID of the consenting parent is required. If parents are divorced, custodianship must be proven and a driver’s license or photo ID must be shown by the custodial parent.

Post # 11
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

I really think you should wait. I don’t see the urge if it’s not legal. If you want a symbolic engagement with your boyfriend, you don’t have to throw a ”wedding”. Havea romantic week-end somewhere, just the two of you, exchange vows that are meaningful and rings if you want to. There you have it. Emotional, sentimental, romantic and loving. But non-official.

After that, if one day you want to really get married, chances are you will have saved some money and will be able to have a wedding and your families will join you to celebrate your new stage of life. 

 

Post # 13
Member
10988 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Whatever you and your FI decide to do is certainly up to the two of you. 

However, based on your post from earlier this morning, I think it would only be fair that you inform your guests if you will be having a commitment ceremony and not an actual wedding, especially since you are planning to have a destination wedding and are considering asking your guests for a contribution of 75 British Pounds Sterling for each adult to attend your wedding and 10 British Pounds Sterling for each child. Their decision regarding whether or not to incur travel expenses as well as these other costs may be affected by this information.

Post # 14
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

No. You just want a pretty pretty princess day. The point of a wedding is toget legally married. Wait 5 to 10 years.

Post # 15
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Brielle:  What? Oh god no. OP, first you can’t charge your guests. Second, you have to be honest with them. Again, wait until you and your boyfriend both have stable, good paying jobs and are both adults in the eyes of the law, then either stay together with no pretty princess day or have a wedding and get married.

Post # 16
Member
3736 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m going to get flamed for this. It’s ok. I’ve got my fire extinguisher ready.

 

@youngbride22:  you said, “we have known each other since we were kids“. You’re 17. You ARE a kid. A 17-year-old is in no shape to be married to anyone– let alone a 22-year-old. You do realize that you’re just barely able to legally consent?

At 17, I still had my learner’s permit and was getting ready to graduate high school. At 22, I was more concerned with partying and being selfish than I was with finding a potential life partner.

 

A five-year age difference is not a big deal at all when you’re talking about people who are, for example 20 and 25. But the mental, emotional, physical, and psychological differences between a 17 and 22-year-old are HUGE.

 

I think you should let go of the “commitment ceremony” idea, back off of the relationship for about 3 years, and spend some time being a kid. 



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