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I love the Onion and I think that would be really cute. I think you should do what you want 
We are using Nine Inch Nails song names for our tables!
I think it would be funny. I especially like the "Mommy's Wedding was better than Daddy's" and "Goofy Guy Named Gary..."
B218B09_(9)_50.JPG (100.3 KB, 67 downloads) 2 years old 
That's pretty awesome! Perhaps for the people who might get offended, include a print out of the story so they can see what it is about?
I'm all for taking a more personalized approach. The only thing I would suggest is attributing the headline in smaller print, so people can read where it came from. Maybe tell a few people (if they don't already know) about why the tables were named like this, so when un-knowing persons 1-5 ask "what" and "why" someone can fill them in.
awesome idea!! love the onion!!
I like the idea but it would be confusing. I would either number the headlines and then give people a table number as in "you are sitting at table #4" and then they can read the article at their table or theme the tables with something short like cities, names etc
I think having whole headlines as table identifier would confuse me in the rush of a wedding reception (not that I couldn't figure it out but I'm not even an older person. . . .) I think people have a sense of humor or if they don't "get it" someone at their table will explain, so definitely stick with your idea just tweak it. . .
i think this is a cute idea! like some of the others have said... for the placecards, i would still say "table 1, table 2, etc" instead of the article headlines. in terms of offending ppl, i think maybe aside from printing out the full article, you should do a disclaimer/explanation at the bottom to 1) explain why you are using the onion as table names (u and FI both read it, sense of humor, whatever) and 2) explain the humor behind it especially for those folks who don't read/know about the onion.
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I want to use humorous wedding-themed headlines from The Onion as the table names - with the full article displayed at the table. Will this confuse older folks? Offend people? My family is on the more hip/fun-loving side, and my friends would love it... there are maybe 5-10 people that I'm worried about confusing/offending (out of 130 or so guests). Here's a sampling of headlines:
Wedding Catering Cart Videotaped For Posterity
Congress Votes To Intervene In Local Wedding
Wedding Invitation Includes Depressing Map To Church
Mommy's Wedding More Fun Than Daddy's
Goofy Guy Named Gary Enlivens Otherwise Intolerable Wedding Reception
Wedding Enjoyed By No One But Bride