Weddingbee boards

Hun it's YOUR wedding, do whatever saves your sanity and to hell with anyone elses judgments.

LOL, I think it was Emily Post.

But really, MOST people don't get all that crazy into etiquette except some older ladies. If you want to avoid the registry issue, make a wedding website. You can have both your map and your registry linked to it. THEN include an insert or blurb on your invites that this is my wedding website, and that way, you're being discreet, but still pointing them to the registry. I guised mine under, "For directions to the wedding, and other fun stuff, go to www...." Which maybe was tacky, but still. :)

@MsFoxxy: LOL, you beat me! Ditto!

Ok as for postage I say who cares. Honestly if we are talking about "etiquette" then you shouldn't even be sending an RSVP card. They should be replying with a hand written note on their own stationary so :P lol. We will be sending out invitations ALL across Canada AND the US. I've decided to skip the UK relitives. I cannot be bothered figuring out the return postage for each idividual invite across two countries. Are you kidding me? Let them spring for a stamp I say! I bet most of them have a roll of stamps in their home offices or at work anyway.

Registry cards aren't a problem as long as you KNOW no one will be offended by them.  I'm not willing to take that risk, so I'm throwing the info on my website.  We're inviting to many people, and I'm sure a few are judgey Mcjudgersons.  Anyone who doesn't have internet access (which I honestly think is no one...except maybe a 90 year old great aunt here and there) can call my grandma and ask if they would like to purchase from the registry.

I'll just comment on #3 and #4.  I printed our address right onto the envelopes and thought they turned out really well and used a stamp for our return address.  Really your guests are going to open the enveloped and immediately throw it away so I wouldn't spend a lot of time on them unless you have the time.  Also on the RSVP's you can save a little postage by making them postcards.  I didn't send RSVP cards to our bridal party and immediate family because I knew they were coming and with how many guests.

"Tacky" is a cheap pejorative for things that someone doesn't like: it disses the idea without really saying anything legitimate about what is wrong with the idea. It's like playground name-calling: an insult with no thought behind it.

The exception, of course, is address labels ;) The actual dictionary meaning of tacky is "Slightly adhesive or gummy to the touch; sticky," and even the staunchest defenders of address labels cannot deny that the term applies. Of course, it also isn't a bad thing in this case: labels wouldn't be much use if they were NOT tacky.

Of course, if people were to think critically about why they dislike this or that idea, they might still condemn it. They would just use more descriptive -- and possibly more damning -- terminology. Putting your wish-list reference on what is supposed to be a generous hospitable invitation seems mercenary and materialistic; even greedy: it betrays a sense of entitlement and a willingness to take advantage of your guests' generosity. If people really need your help in selecting something appropriate for a gift, you will come across as more gracious by insisting that you really want only their good wishes. If you can't bring yourself to do that, leaving the gift choice up to your guests' ingenuity is the next best choice. Not "Tacky", but still not desirable.

Adding maps, hotel information and block booking contacts to your invitation; sending advance advertising in the form of save-the-date cards; and creating a website make your wedding seem commercialized, like a business convention. It conflicts with the social and spiritual nature of a wedding, and depersonalizes the invitation. Also not "tacky", but not the motif most brides are going for, either.

The handwriting-on-envelope argument is pretty specious. First of all, printing instead of handwriting on the invitation envelope breaks no more "rules" than does printing instead of engraving on the invitation itself. And nearly everyone accepts printing on the invitation. They'd be pretty inconsistent to worry about the envelope, which is after all just the wrapper for the invitation, when they've accepted the compromise of printing on the part that matters. And secondly, the reason given for handwriting the envelopes is that it shows "personal attention". Anyone who has ever set up a mail-merge to print envelopes and then fed the finicky odd-sized envelopes through the blasted printer, knows that there is a great deal of personal attention being used in that exercise, too. I have gorgeous hand-writing and love using it, but even I resort to printed envelopes when the guest list approaches its second hundred.

R.s.v.p. cards with no stamps? I hate them -- but I hate them with stamps on them, too. I find it bossy and presumptuous for a hostess to try to dictate what stationery I should use to reply to her invitation. If it's easier for your guests to phone, text or email, then why not just graciously accept their responses in whatever manner they choose to send them? Being gracious to your guests is never "tacky".

In a year, will people even remember if you printed labels or wrote out addresses? It is moot to me. The invitations are just not important to me, I guess. I got some nice, simple ones with all the info and an online RSVP (and a phone number for the less internet-savy). I have awful handwriting so I printed labels.

I have decided to put the money I saved on expensice invites, postage, and a calligrapher on the actual wedding. The part people will remember :)

Obviously proper etiquette dictates that you don't put registry info in your invitation, and although I'm sure some people wouldn't mind, wouldn't you hate to offend certain people and have it result in ill feelings or in not getting a gift at all? I think you'll find that if it's on your wedding web site, people who want to contribute to your registry will search it out or ask you/your family where you're registered. Keep in mind also that a lot of people really like giving physical gifts, not money or gift cards--it might be a good idea to do a small registry at an actual store for those who are really traditional or aren't internet saavy, or you might end up w/random spice racks and picture frames. Also, we gave our guests the option of sending RSVPs by mail or email, and a lot more people sent back the response card than we expected, so I would recommend spending the money on postage and scaling back on the budget elsewhere.