(Closed) Tactful engagement party?

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

No.  Sorry.  Pre-wedding festivities really need to be limited to the people invited to the main event.

Since you’re having an intimate OOT wedding, when you get back, you could have an “at home” reception to celebrate with your in-town friends.  This is a regular party, not a second wedding reception; you’d wear normal clothes and not re-enact any wedding pageantry.  You can do a backyard BBQ or a cocktail party or whatever you want.

Post # 4
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

nope. 

Since you won’t be inviting these people to celebrate the wedding, then ask yourself, what is the purpose of inviting them to celebrate the engagement?

Post # 5
Member
11397 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@BeautifulJess: I have never heard of one that happened before. But I have heard of people getting married with only a hand full of people. Then afterwards going home & having a party/reception for everyone else.

Post # 6
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Nope…

This happened to me personally… the bride and groom sent out a Facebook invite to EVERYONE about their engagement party ONE WEEK before the party. We couldn’t go, as it was out of town… a few days ago the bride (who I have been friends with since HS) was AT MY HOME for ladies night, told me my FI and I were on the B-List for invites… and then told me that if one of our other male friends wasn’t bringing a date, I could be his date.

I’m still miffed (as are MANY of our other friends… but she’s have a $100k+ wedding and acting like it’s the most exclusive invite-only event of the year). It will just cause a resentment between you and the people you don’t invite to your wedding.

Additionally, in the weeks before, people will begin to ask where their invite is…

I’ve heard of people having “Just Married” parties, where it’s a less fancy affair with food and cocktails. Maybe think of doing that?

Post # 7
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You may certainly host a party at your home and invite all the local friends who won’t be invited.  During that party your FI can announce your engagement (if it’s a surprise & these people don’t know) – then you go back to the party, and make no further mention of the wedding plans. That would seem more like an announcement and less like the “engagement party” that is more commonly thought of as a pre-wedding event.

However, if these people already know about your engagement that wouldn’t make much sense!  Instead you could host a casual get together, without mentioning your engagement or the wedding as a “theme.”

Traditionally engagement parties are hosted by someone OTHER than the couple – so it can be held in their honor. (You can’t host a party in honor of yourself!) So you might want to just host a regular dinner party or BBQ.  Make no mention of the wedding plans at that party though – because it hurts feelings when you talk about a party (or wedding) to which people aren’t invited.

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