Post # 1
Is there a tactful way to have an engagement party or just a “getting married celebration” with a mix of people who are and who are not invited to the wedding?
We are having a very small/intimate out of town wedding, but there are still friends who I go to school with and family friends and work friends who are not invited to the actual wedding because it is so small. We are already having a reception at the wedding, so to have a second after the fact reception seems sort of redundant.
Post # 3
No. Sorry. Pre-wedding festivities really need to be limited to the people invited to the main event.
Since you’re having an intimate OOT wedding, when you get back, you could have an “at home” reception to celebrate with your in-town friends. This is a regular party, not a second wedding reception; you’d wear normal clothes and not re-enact any wedding pageantry. You can do a backyard BBQ or a cocktail party or whatever you want.
Post # 4
Since you won’t be inviting these people to celebrate the wedding, then ask yourself, what is the purpose of inviting them to celebrate the engagement?
Post # 5
@BeautifulJess: I have never heard of one that happened before. But I have heard of people getting married with only a hand full of people. Then afterwards going home & having a party/reception for everyone else.
Post # 6
This happened to me personally… the bride and groom sent out a Facebook invite to EVERYONE about their engagement party ONE WEEK before the party. We couldn’t go, as it was out of town… a few days ago the bride (who I have been friends with since HS) was AT MY HOME for ladies night, told me my FI and I were on the B-List for invites… and then told me that if one of our other male friends wasn’t bringing a date, I could be his date.
I’m still miffed (as are MANY of our other friends… but she’s have a $100k+ wedding and acting like it’s the most exclusive invite-only event of the year). It will just cause a resentment between you and the people you don’t invite to your wedding.
Additionally, in the weeks before, people will begin to ask where their invite is…
I’ve heard of people having “Just Married” parties, where it’s a less fancy affair with food and cocktails. Maybe think of doing that?
Post # 7
You may certainly host a party at your home and invite all the local friends who won’t be invited. During that party your FI can announce your engagement (if it’s a surprise & these people don’t know) – then you go back to the party, and make no further mention of the wedding plans. That would seem more like an announcement and less like the “engagement party” that is more commonly thought of as a pre-wedding event.
However, if these people already know about your engagement that wouldn’t make much sense! Instead you could host a casual get together, without mentioning your engagement or the wedding as a “theme.”
Traditionally engagement parties are hosted by someone OTHER than the couple – so it can be held in their honor. (You can’t host a party in honor of yourself!) So you might want to just host a regular dinner party or BBQ. Make no mention of the wedding plans at that party though – because it hurts feelings when you talk about a party (or wedding) to which people aren’t invited.