Take me off the list, I have no business being on it

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LoveWillLightTheWay:  Sorry to hear that. I asked for a potential timeline for our engagement a couple of months before the proposal, and FI got very annoyed with me for asking and refused to answer the question. He even said that he wanted to wait until he was earning more money etc. Turned out that he was planning to propose on our 3rd anniversary, which he did. In hindsight, I wish I had backed off more.


Waiting for him to get ready wasn’t an easy process (because I felt ready way before he did), I’m not gonna lie. But the wait was sooo worth it.


From your earlier post it looks like you’ve been together for 2 1/2 years? I’d say don’t give up quite yet. 2 1/2 years isn’t that long really, and you have plenty of time to start a family (if that’s what you want).


Post # 4
25 posts

@LoveWillLightTheWay:  sorry to hear this, maybe there is another reason as to why he is taking his time, but you shouldnt have to wait around.

have you considered having another talk to sort of really lay your cards out on the table and see where his head is at? or are you just beyond fed up and ready to *attempt* to let go?

Post # 6
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@LoveWillLightTheWay:  I’m sorry to hear about this bee.  Are you sure you want off the list? Undecided

It’s a personal choice I know…but I would think you would do that if you planned on breaking up with your SO…is that what you are planning to do?

I’ve been on the list since Jan of 2013.

I likely won’t be getting engaged until April 2014 (not likely, but at earliest) or 2015.  Due to things going on in our lives, it is what it is.  I’m aiming for #1, or at least the top 5, before I get my engagement!!!  And I don’t mind waiting.

Is it a possibility for you too?

Post # 9
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@LoveWillLightTheWay:  My husband didn’t propose until 6 years into our relationship…and he said something similar to me about 4 years in: can’t we just be happy and enjoy what we have?  Some guys just need more time to figure everything out.  Two and a half years really isn’t that long, especially for someone in their 30s.  

You need to figure out what you want.  Do you want to be married in the next two, three, four years? What is your timeline for children?  If you think he cannot meet the parameters you expect, you need to find someone else.  If you think he can meet your parameters, you’re just going to have to be patient.  

Post # 12
25 posts

@LoveWillLightTheWay:  ahh okay yea that would be concerning. and there have never been any light hearted talks of marriage between you two or no one u know ever said playfully “so when are you two getting married” ? just curious as to what his reaction was.

but although to him 2.5 years may not be along time, i would definitely need answers just like you in order to plan etc. i know ultimatums are wrong and im not saying u should but if you did give him one and say at least tell me what your plans are/how serious u are about this or im gone. but idk if you are ready to be gone yet if he doesnt give the answer ur hoping for so that would backfire.

okay wait, what are his feelings toward marriage? maybe he doesnt believe in it or need it. when u say take you off the list, are u breaking up with him or just no longer “waiting” and going to remain together?

Post # 14
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

To @LoveWillLightTheWay:  I am sorry you are going thru this “love limbo” (( HUGS ))

I agree life is a lot easier when you have a Map and know where the road is headed…

Which is WHY I am a strong believer in a Woman having a LIFE PLAN & a TIMELINE that she shares with her man, and then she gets to hear his

I am sorry that you find yourself in a spot where he doesn’t seem to be able to provide that info to you


And this is a BIG BUT when it comes to me…

I do know that men are funny creatures… they do things on their own timetable and in their own way.  And sometimes they are extremely hard to read… and they can be fairly secretive about something as big as a Proposal / Engagement

You wouldn’t be the first girl that has misread a man about an impending Proposal… or a guy has tried to set up a smoke screen

So, I would say…

Don’t take yourself off the list / out of the game, just yet

We are in the midst of “Engagement Season” (US Thanksgiving thru to Valentines)

I would say wait it out… sure it will be disappointing if he doesn’t propose in this timeframe… but it would be silly to take yourself out of the picture entirely if he truly has a Proposal in the works (might be shooting yourself in the foot so to speak… setting up for a misunderstanding where there is no turning back from)

So as crazy as it is… I’d say wait it out… these next 10 weeks.

Follow Mr Bee’s Plan (STICKY at the top of the Waiting Board)… and work solely on you and getting your own head in a good place… and a Long Term Plan for you.

Make these next 10 weeks ALL ABOUT YOU.  Make your man your secondary priority.

Go out and buy the following 2 Books… to help you better realize the GODESS that you are… that some GREAT MAN DESERVES YOU (all the while learning exactly what it is you want out of life)

Dr Phil’s = Love Smart ~ Find The One You Want – Fix the one you got


Either of the 2 Books by Steve Harvey (lol or BOTH)

Act Like A Lady – Think Like A Man


Straight Talk, No Chaser

Do all this… and by the end of the 10 Weeks you’ll be a force to be reckoned with… a DYNAMO DIVA !!

He’d be stupid not to propose then…

Lol, and if he doesn’t you’ll be launching yourself into the world… lol, throw yourself a Premiere Party with your Girlfriends after Valentines in February…

Cause look out world… the AMAZING @LoveWillLightTheWay: is gonna LIGHT UP THE NIGHT… and Mr Right will have no problem finding his way to her !!


Post # 16
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

And you’ll be a stronger woman no matter what happens. hugs.

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