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I wouldnt necessarily take it away from her, but I would see if any other bridesmaids want to help her with it. Its my understanding that usually all the bridesmaids help in planning the shower and bachelorette party (although not always). Are there any BM's you are really close with you can share your feelings with and see if they can jump in on the planning too?
Um, yeah- she's fired! That's probably harsh but what a jerk! She probably is jealous and treating you this way because she doesn't know how to maturely deal with those feelings. I would honestly ask her if she'd like to step down and not be in my wedding! But I'm sure that's overreacting. Is there anyway another BM can step up and help with the party WITH her, so she can monitor what she does? Ugh, I don't want negativity associated with my day, a she seems like ball of negative vibes! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this! But definitely DON'T give up the parties, you deserve them!
Honestly I would wait and see but I do think that you have to confront her. Even if it is something simple like "Whoa that was bitchy!" after she says something or "It hurts my feelings when you say ....." I have friends like this and when you bring it to their attention they do become more conscious about saying hurtful things.
I hope that after you say something things will get better and she will be fine.
No matter what I would not take the planning away from her. I think that will aggravate the problem between you two. But if things don't get better maybe you could put another BM on planning duty with her by saying "BM#2 wants to help you plan etc."
Good Luck
Unfortunately, from what my problematic bridesmaid told me, she approaching the parties like she'll be dictating everything and everyone else will just pitch in only the extent she decides. Of course she expects them to help pay because she's really stingy with her own money, but she wants to be the one in control and make all the final decisions. My other bridesmaids don't like her at all and yeah, they're willing to pitch in and help out. They're starting to side with my fiance and think I should take the parties away from her. It's gotten to the point where I wish I could kick her out of the bridal party, but that would cause problems within my family, who are very close to her parents. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but I've struggled with body image problems all my life and I still feel hurt when I remember what she said about me needing to lose weight if I want to look good on my wedding day. I honestly don't think I'm fat. I'm 5'2" at 117 pounds and have good muscle tone in my arms and legs. I'm pretty sure I can still be pretty at that size, right?
I actually did tell her that the weight comment was over the line and that she needs to say things that are more reassuring. I even told her what she should be telling me is that I'll look pretty even at my current size on my wedding day. She just sat there staring at me in silence. I don't know if it was because she was stunned by my response or because she felt like I was asking her to lie.
OMG, she's just saying that crap to make you insecure! There is no way you can be 5'2" at 117 and considered fat, or a lil chubby, or anything other than thin! I know people that do this, I'm not saying she's just like them, but I think its possible that she knows you'll look beautiful and being that she's insecure, she's trying to strip you of your confidence, that's so messed up!
She kinda sounds like one of the people in bridal party. She's more passive aggressive about it though, so it appears to be less malicious. She actually said to me, "yeah, if you lose weight, make sure not to be as thin as before, that was kinda gross".... um, I was 5'5" at 135 lbs, how is that gross? Maybe its just me? She's said other things, she offers her very differing opinion when I've already made up my mind and never asked for her thoughts, but that was a similar example. Anyway, she's said things that have led me to believe that she's jealous, not necessarily of ME but of where she is in her life versus where I am. It's really annoying!
I would take control of the situation sooner rather than later and have a meeting with your BM's. Before the meeting ask one of your BM's if she will organize the bach party and explain the situation behind the scenes. As long as she is willing, announce to everyone at the meeting that BM X will be organizing the bach party, just point blank. Also, figure out who will be the lead person on the showerplanning and mention that too. In person is better as she is less likely to throw a fit if everyone is standing there.
I'm alsonot against organizing your own bach party. I don't htink there' sany shame in it. But this friend sounds like it's all about her an dyou only get to do this once, so I say take control!
Wow jennifer_espos, I totally understand about her being jealous of where you are in life versus being jealous of you. I get the same sort of feeling from my own bridesmaid, always complaining that she's getting old and is still not married when I'm 3 years older than her! She definitely seemed rather offended that I got engaged before her and will be married before because she's often implied that she believes she's more "mature" than I am. Funny that she thinks that because she certainly isn't acting it with comments like those!
Okay first off the comments are out of line. I'm not one to tell someone that they've hurt my feelings. I'm just not conforntal like that. But if you are 5'2" and only 117lbs then come on your are not fat at all! Heck I'm 5'3" 148lbs and I think I rock-it. Agghh... some people. She just knows that your weight/size bothers you and that's why she makes those comments.
My aunt is the same way. She is really good at wedding planning has done weddings for years. But yet she isn't current with the current trends. She made a snide comment about me not doing a Groom's cake and doing Ice Cream instead. I said it's what I want because I know that the FI will totally love it.
As for the parties... don't give up having your time with your friends/family because of a snotty brat. I say tell her that you want the other girls to have a part in the planning and not just contribute $$. If she gives you a hard time then say okay so and so said she could host it at her house, etc.
Hmmm... planning my own party sounds like a good idea! I'll keep that open as an option since I only want something simple and intimate anyways.
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I have a bridesmaid that has insisted on planning my bridal shower and bachelorette party. I didn't make anyone a MOH, and since she really wanted to do it, I said okay. The problem is that ever since I got engaged I feel like she's been putting me and my wedding plans down constantly. She's always been a bit snooty and self-centered, but never to the point of being outright rude and hurtful - that is until I got engaged. She's said stuff about how I should get stuff professionally done rather than taking the DIY route because it would look nice and not homemade (even so, what's wrong with the hand-made look?), she's looked at my engagement ring like it's not big enough for her, she's ditched me and made me run after her when I went dress shopping with her, when I told her I was thinking about using blue as one of my wedding colors, she firmly stated that she hated the tiffany blue color and it makes her want to vomit to see it, she literally ordered me to tell my makeup and hair artist to do her hair and makeup at my house and expected that we will leave together from my house, never bothering to ask what my own plans were for the prep and travel itinerary. It was hurtful when I excitedly told her I found my wedding ring and described it as a really thin, 1mm silver stacking ring, she replied by saying why I didn't get the one with diamonds all around. But by far, the most hurtful thing she said was when she implied that if I wanted to look "stunning" on my wedding day, I need to lose weight.
Also, I get the feeling that she's really upset that I'm not making my wedding into her wedding. When I didn't insist on my bridesmaids getting matching dresses, she seemed disappointed. When I bought my wedding dress without her, she actually acted like an angry brat when I did see her in person. Every time she gets annoyed with me, even for things that she has no right to be annoyed over, she'll just ignore my attempts to contact her... like she's trying to punish me.
Everyone who knows her and me tells me that she's acting like this out of jealousy and that she's a snob and very self-centered. But now that's she become hurtful, my friends are telling me to stay away from her. At times, I feel like she wanted to plan the parties really more to aggrandize herself rather than because she wanted to do something nice for me. My fear is that if she's planning the parties, she's not going to make them events that I'll enjoy, but more like events she'll enjoy, or use them as an excuse to make me feel small and bullied, which is what she's been doing when we meet up.
My fiance thinks I should take the party planning away from her and let another bridesmaid do them. My wedding is in September, so I'm not in a rush to decide now. So should I wait and see if she gets better? Or should I just re-assign the tasks now? Or should I just suck it up and let her do it, come what may? Or maybe I should just not burden anyone by saying no parties?