(Closed) Taking a Break?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee

I have been TTC for over 2 years now. We have been working with an RE for the last year, and have done 3 monitored clomid cycles and 3 monitored femara cycles. My DH also has been working with the RE and a urologist to fix his low testosterone and vitamin d problems. We have taken several breaks (1-2 months off at a time) due to the stress and feeling overwhelmed. 

 

Most recently, we were suppose to start injectables, but I have a huge cyst on my ovary so I have to take this cycle offf. It’s hard because I always think “what if this was the month I was suppose to get pregnant”?

 

I’m thinking about taking a couple months off due to the effects of the meds. I’ve put on 16 lbs since last year when we first started working with the RE. ugh! It does break my heart to stop trying, but sometimes you need to rest. There was months where we decided to take a break because we were constantly arguing over treatments and what not. After the month, we were good to go again. It can be extremely overwhelming and stressful. 

Post # 4
Member
2793 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@redsmarties:  I’m right there with you, lady. I know you know me from the other threads, but we’re on Month 11 and I’m at my breaking point. This is something I’ve been toying with in my head and trying to weigh the pros & cons before even mentioning it to DH.

My problem is that I don’t have cycles without medication, so if I stopped that I’d really be stopping cold turkey. And there’d be no reason to chart, temp, OPK, etc. I don’t know if I could deal with that, especially with an impending “fertility deadline” less than 2 years away (Thanks PCOS!) It’s wasted time out the window. But our next options are more extensive invasive treatments and I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet either.

I really fluctuate on this a lot. I started Clomid last month and it worked like a charm, but I didn’t get KO. This cycle, I’m still waiting to O and for some reason don’t think it’s coming at all (I just didn’t feel the Clomid “working” as much as I did last cycle). I was DONE yesterday morning when my temp came crashing down after a pretty hopeful spike and I wanted to throw this whole thing out the window. Then, I saw my 1.5 year old nephew at dinner and it reminded me why we’re trying for this so hard.

I’m sorry I’m not being super helpful, but I’m as up in the air about it as you. I hope we can both come to a decision that we’re comfortable with soon. Hugs!

Post # 5
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee

I think being up in the air is normal. There are some months where I’m like “im over this” and then decide to take a month off, but then 2 weeks into it, I’m like “damnit!!!, I should have done Femara again”. I think I change daily which is probably just a reaction to all the hormones I’ve been taking. 

 

For instance, I was suppose to start my injections last Wednesday and was heart broken when they said I had to wait a couple weeks. Today, I’m like “hmmm, maybe I’ll just wait another couple of weeks until my body is back into a cycle”, and then tomorrow I’ll be like “I want the next RE appt”.

Stupid hormones makes me psychotic. Poor DH. lol

 

Post # 6
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

If DH was younger, we would have taken a short break (probably).  I think even one month can do wonders!  (The month before IVF I knew we couldn’t do anything at all.) 

Post # 8
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

@redsmarties:  My DH is 19 years older than yours!  Doesn’t that sound crazy!  YOU decide how much time you have.  But definitely try one month and see how it feels.

Post # 10
Member
6473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

Some days I’d love to stop. But then, it makes me MORE nervous because age is really the only thing on our side, you know?

Post # 11
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@redsmarties:  I totally understand it gives concern when you have been ttc quite a while and things are not happening and it doen’t make it easy whatever age. I don’t know the details of your particular situation and whether your doc has given a deadline for ttc. If not then since you are in early twenties you may have a bit more leeway strictly agewise. I would also say go with one month at a time and see how you feel. I am tired too of disappointment month after month and want to give it a break for a month or 2 but we are in mid 30s so waiting until we can get to RE and see what doc says.

Post # 12
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You are right, one month will do more GOOD than harm.  Even if it’s just a “one month break”, it may do wonders for your mind and spirit 🙂

Post # 13
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@redsmarties:  We’re are just about to start month 12. We took a break at the beginning of the year mainly because I started TCM and my acupuncturist asked us to avoid pregnancy for 3 cycles so he could use a more intense treatment (stronger herbs, electro-acu). It was hard to agree to this and in the beginning it just felt wrong. What if this month would finally be THE month? In the end we decided to give it a try. I kept charting my cycles so my acupuncturist could see what my body/temp was doing but we avoided to have unprotected sex during my fertile window. We used the time to do a body cleanse, made adjustments to our diet and because there was no tww to obsess about I focused on other things in my life. I didn’t care if I would have a cup of green tea/wine during the tww, if I did the right amount of exercise during that time. I just lived and enjoyed my live. We had sex and no BD – something I realized are two totally different things. I think we kind of forgot how it felt to just have fun with really nothing in the back of your head.

We’re meeting with our RE tomorrow to discuss further steps. But DH and I agree that we are nowhere near ready to go down the medication route. To be honest, we are not even sure if we ever will. To deal with the disappointment of a natural cycle is already hard enough, we are not sure we could handle the disappointment of a medicated cycle.

We are back on the ttc wagon. Thanks to the break our batteries are recharged and we feel ready to try again. I’m now convinced that the break was just the right thing for us to do.

Long story short if you are not ready to take the next step there is nothing wrong with taking a break or just wait a bit longer. Good luck to you!

Post # 14
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@redsmarties:  I could have written your post. 

We are pretty much at that point right now.  We’re on Cycle 12 so almost a year of trying and we are nowhere ready to start monitored and/or medicated cycles.  Heck, DH isn’t even ready to start fertility testing yet…Like you, we believe that it may not be in God’s timing for us to get pg yet. It will happen for us when He is ready.  We’re both fairly young (DH – 30; me -26), so we’ve got some time. 

We are taking the month off.  We were both pretty bummed and emotional again last month when that cycle didn’t work.  Our disappointment coincided with finding out that another couple we know at church is having baby #3 in 3 years–they’re the ones who keep asking us if we’re pg, so that didn’t help things.  I know elchalten has a way more mature way of looking at this as being an individual journey and I wish I was as zen as she is about it, but I pathetically can’t seem to get over being jealous of other people’s pregnancies and comparing to them.

Anyways, I was emotional/mad/jealous/stressed, so I quit temping during AF.  I couldn’t believe how great that felt.  Honestly.  It was like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders.  I forgave myself and my body, and I felt so FREE.  So I decided not to temp at all this cycle.  I’ve had moments of doubt when I keep wanting to go back to temping and obsessing, mostly because I kept thinking, “What if it’s this month?  If its a BFP, I deserve that chart. What if I don’t get to see that beautiful BFP chart after all these months of caring and trying?”  I’ve fought through those few days and now I realize that it’s all vanity.  If I get a BFP this cycle without charting, I will be so happy that I won’t care if I did chart it or not.  Really though, the break from charting has been wonderful.  I don’t have to go to sleep wondering about my temperature, and then go through the day worrying about that temperature, and input it and compare to last month and the month before.

We’ll still be BD during my fertile window, but it’s more of a NTNT approach than hardcore TTC.  Our decision to take a break is also coupled with another reason:  Now that it’s taken this long already, we would almost prefer not to get pg in the next month or two, so that we could travel to Switzerland for a good friend’s wedding in December.  Not happening if I’m 7 or 8 months pregnant!!  However, we would gladly give up the trip if it was for a good reason like a baby.   I’m not sure if we will go back to temping, etc. once the two months are up…I guess we will have to cross that bridge once we get there.

I guess I haven’t gone through a grieving process yet, because in my head we are still TTC, but with a more relaxed approach.  If it actually came to stopping TTC, I know I will/would definitely be grieving and I don’t know really how to get through that.  In my head I’ve thought about adoption if we can’t conceive, but my heart would absolutely be broken and I know that I would definitely struggle to come to grips that we may never have our own child.

These are my jumbled thoughts.  I wish you all the best with your decision.  Many prayers and much love.  xoxoxoxoxo

Also, this is from BabyCenter.com and I thought it’s kind of consoling.  Maybe we are just some of the 85-95% of couples that it takes a lot longer to get pg. http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-long-it-takes-to-get-pregnant_1813.bc) (Of all couples trying to conceive, here’s about how long it takes:

  • 30 percent get pregnant the first cycle (about one month)

 

  • 59 percent get pregnant within three cycles (about three months)

 

  • 80 percent get pregnant within six cycles (about six months)

 

  • 85 percent get pregnant within 12 cycles (about one year)

 

  • 91 percent get pregnant within 36 cycles (about three years)

 

  • 93 to 95 percent get pregnant within 48 cycles (about four years)

My aunt and uncle tried for 4 years before they conceived #1 (without testing or assistance) and they went on to have six other beautiful children in a relatively short period of time, so that still gives me hope!

Post # 16
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@MrsFarmer:  Thanks for letting us have a peak in your heart. Don’t beat yourself up because you feel jealousy when somebody else announces a pregnancy. I’m not handling the situation any better than you do – I’m just dealing with it in a different way. There is no right or wrong. I’m super happy for you that you are able to take a break from charting and I’m even more happy that you have something to look forward to if the little miracle still needs some time to find you. I think letting go and giving up a bit of control can actually be very relieving.

@redsmarties:  I’m so glad you started this thread. Knowing that we are not the only couple who is hitting the one year mark but are still not ready to take further (medicated/monitored) steps helps me to feel normal. 

Hopefully our patience will eventually pay off and we will all get our miracle baby. Even if it hasn’t worked in the first 12 month there is still hope that it will. And we can’t give up.

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