Taking a stand for uk fiancées and girlfriends!

posted 3 years ago in Military
Post # 3
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If you’re not married, you’re not legally his family, so you don’t have any rights.  Girlfriends/fiancés with babies need to know the information for the sake of their children.  

Post # 4
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m not sure why you are so surprised by this state of affairs, to be honest. It’s not a question of meaning “absolutely nothing” but all about your legal status. Something that is in your hands to change by getting married. In other areas of life, your next of kin doesn’t have to be a husband or wife but the military may well take a different line. Again, this is something that comes with the job although I’m not saying that this is right. 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

… and this is why so many relationships in the army break down (one of many reasons). You’re right… if you’re not married, you don’t matter. It’s a sad reality.

EDIT: However, this is not new information to most people. Nor have you got any recourse under the law. They are doing nothing illegal by doing this.

Post # 6
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

This is about legal status, not respect. Why would you call them about your FI’s job? 

Post # 7
msjackrabbitMember
1080 posts
Bumble bee

Awww hun it sucks, doesn’t it!

My friend had an army boyfriend (now her husband) and she found it really hard before they were married.

I guess from their perspective they have to be careful with the info they give out – who knows if you’re only “with him” to get important info? Extreme, I know! But I imagine they have to be careful.

Are you getting married in November? If so, not long now! You’ll be okay soon xx

Post # 9
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

So what are you expecting to happen? That the UK Government (who are being incompetent enough in their attempts to get the law changed to permit same sex marriages) now introduce primary legislation to grant the same status to unmarried couples as married ones?

Only I’d agree wholeheartedly that cohabitation needs to be recognised properly but equally, I see little chance of it happening any time soon. Especially so far as the military are concerned where there are particular sensitivities about next of kin. Although I’m also wondering if there any way that your FI can elect you as next of kin.

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
7412 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@redbootz:  Yes we are not in the middle ages anymore but with that in the 21st century fraud against government agencies is also high. The government does this to protect themselves against fraud. If there wasn’t these measures in place how many people would be listed as “girlfried/SO” in order to claim benefits fraudulantly? A marriage certificate is a legal document that is a form of protection for them. Yes it too can be entered into fraudulantly but it is a lot more work and less likely than just claiming you are living together.

Post # 14
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@Steampunkbride:  @redbootz:  Having thought about this then yes, you can indeed get your NOK status changed. In fact, when your FI signed up for the army then he will have filled out a NOK form. On it, he has to give his NOK, and two other people who can be contacted in case of an emergency (at least, this is how it happened in my day).

If he wants to change the details on that form and make you his NOK, he can put in a request to do so. This will mean that his mother will no longer be contacted when he deploys etc… you will be, instead. But the army only recognises one NOK. It has to be this way, in order to control the spread of information.

In fact, I don’t think you have cause for complaint at all. All he has to do is to contact his Staffie and do the paperwork.

However, if you think you have cause for concern then the people who will be most receptive to your complaint are the researchers at Cranfield Military Research, who already have a project studying family and relationships within the army.

Post # 16
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with PPs.  Marriage is not just a piece of paper; it is a legal status.  The military needs a formal way to determine how serious your relationship is.  Being married is the simplest way to determine this.  Since this issue only affects you in the short term, I can think of much better causes to put your energy into.

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