Taking his last name if FPIL talk bad about you?

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: If in laws had been rude/mean to you and probably will be again, would you:
    Still do whatever I'd decided before : (83 votes)
    74 %
    Not officially take FI's last name : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Take FI's last name (as second last name or however) : (20 votes)
    18 %
    Take FI's last name as an extra middle name, so I have it kinda but not fully : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Take FI's last name as a second last name if he does the same for mine : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    2915 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    Don’t think of it as THEIR last name, this of it as HIS last name. If you know it is important for him to have you take his name, and you have already agreed to a solution, its not very fair to go back on it now.

    Post # 4
    3735 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Shkragoldfish:  Don’t let his shitty parents dash your desires. Whether you keep your name (I am) or change it (Good for you!), you should do what YOU want to do. Frig those friggers.

    Post # 5
    3222 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @Shkragoldfish:  I don’t like my in laws. They’re good people and they haven’t been rude to me in the slightest, but I dislike them. I think they’re lazy and lack the generosity and support that binds families.

    I will not be taking their last name, because even though it is FH’s last name, it is very much their family name. 

    My situation is complicated because I have my estranged biological father’s last name, my mom has a hyphenated last name with her husband (my dad for all intents and purposes), and my stepdad (who I consider my father) of course has his own last name. There is nothing connecting me to my name and I would like nothing more than to be rid of it, but I will not take the last name of a family that I barely respect.

    Being Mrs. Hislastname like his mother makes me gag. I know it’s not their name that makes them the way they are, but I have no interest in sharing something so intimate with such callous people.




    Post # 6
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @Shkragoldfish:  I wouldn’t do it, especially since you had mixed feelings about it in the first place. I think taking it as a second middle name is a fair compromise, it’s what I’m thinking of doing too!

    Post # 7
    6455 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Shkragoldfish:  I don’t think it’s right to punish your FI for your FIL’s behavior. You are adding his last name because it is his last name, not because it’s your FIL’s last name.

    Post # 8
    3769 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    You aren’t taking their last name, you are taking your FI’s last name. It sounds like the two of you have talked about this and come up with a compromise. I wouldn’t hurt my SO over something his parents did.

    Post # 9
    802 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest


    My SO doesn’t talk to his father anymore, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to take his mother’s maiden name instead. He is very proud of his last name. He’s still close with his paternal grandfather – so when I think about taking on the name, we are carrying on his lineage, not his father’s name. 

    We did joke about combining our last names since a lot of people made up a silly rendition of our last names together and thought it’d be funny to take that one. Personally I’m so excited to give up my 11 letter long nobody can pronounce last name for his simple 5 letter common name! I’m just traditional like that 🙂

    What I’m not clear about… did they go crazy about the name situation? Or just generally crazy?


    Post # 10
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Shkragoldfish:  My inlaws don’t like me and the feeling is mutual!  (They blamed DH for his divorce from his previous wife even though she cheated on him multiple times even to the point of becoming pregnant by her boyfriend while married to DH!) They swear that if he hadn’t met me he would have eventually gone back to her and worked things out.  SO – they disowned him, speak out publicly against me even though I came along after all of this, and I can’t stand them.

    I kept my own last name for the first 3 years we were married… but eventually I saw how much it really did hurt his feelings for me to not have HIS last name and I decided to add it. My legal name is First Middle Maiden Married, so I have MY last name AND his.  I had to look at it like it was me giving HIM the ability to share his last name with someone worth sharing it with 🙂


    Post # 11
    1887 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @Shkragoldfish:  I would not allow their treatment of me to affect my name decision in any way. I’d do whatever I had planned to do all along. 

    Post # 13
    6455 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Shkragoldfish:  because it’s your FI’s last name. You would add it because you are marrying your FI.I really don’t think his family’s behavior should affect it. I understand people not changing their names but in this case since you already told him you would add it I don’t think you should change your mind now just because your FILs ate acting like this.

    Post # 14
    3047 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @whoa_its_ash:  Don’t think of it as THEIR last name, this of it as HIS last name.

    OP, I have a crap relationship with my MIL and I still took my husbands last name. It makes me feel like we’re more of an unit and I couldn’t care less that I’ll have to share it with MIL for a few more years. What matters to me is that OUR family will have the same name if we’re lucky enough to have kids some day. I think your solution seems great and I think you should stick to that, just don’t pay attention to nutty relatives!

    Post # 16
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @Shkragoldfish:  It has nothing to do with his parents. Do what is best for you and your partner and stick to your plan that makes you happy. Don’t let others impact your relationship or change its course – don’t give them that power.

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