Post # 1
Hey bees. I guess i just want to share this experience with anyone else who is likely going through the same thing, as well as get some support from those who have had to deal with death before the wedding.
My grandfather had a heart attack in september. Since then, it has been a hellish downhill decline for him physcially and mentally. Hes wheelchair bound, he has dementia where he thinks my grandmother is a drug lord & sees people running past his window at night. He has this horrible dreams and thinks theyre real life. Its truly sad to watch, and my grandmother (although not a drug lord) is pretty crazy herself. Not in a dementia type of way, just overly dramatic kind of way.
So tomorrow, almost exactly 1 year before our wedding (today is the 1 year mark), my grandfather is being dressed up in a suit, and brought to the bridal salon, where my dress is. I will fix my hair and makeup, and put on my dress so we can take pictures together. I think even if the wedding was tomorrow, he couldn’t make it in the shape he’s in now, so we’re just anticipating he wont be there a year from now either.
Its going to be very emotionally trying. I’ve done my best to stay strong as hes deteriorated, but i’ve never lost anyone close to me (other than pets), so I dont know how i will handle it once hes gone. I think tomorrow is going to be a beautiful, special moment that we will be able to make a memory and get those pictures that will last forever. But it’s also going to be a reminder he wont be around much longer.
i’ll update on monday with pictures and how things went. I’m hoping i can keep it together long enough to get some good pictures and to not upset him. I’m really just hoping he knows who i am. Thanks for reading, bees.
Post # 2
theEguarantee: I think this is a great idea. My grandfather just passed away on Monday after a long battle with cancer. I wish we had more photos together. I plan on having a calla lilly (his favorite flower) on a chair for him at my wedding in September. I think your photos might be nice to have on a chair for your grandfather too if he can’t make it to your wedding.
Post # 3
MechEBee: i’m sorry for your loss 🙁 i am still hoping for a miracle that he’ll make it, but at this point, its fairly certain he wont. I’ll defintely have one of these pictures displayed. My cousin’s FI is going to come with her DSLR camera to take some good quality pictures for us, so i’m seriously grateful for that.
Post # 4
theEguarantee: Maybe it isn’t in the same way but we rushed our wedding and cancelled our big wedding so that we could have my lovely godmother there. We scaled back everything and literally got married in front of a handful of people in a very very simple ceremony so that she could be there. She passed literally a handful of days after we officially were married. Those photos (which I have chosen to keep private) are photos I will treasure forever. She was very out of it but knew what was happening. It isn’t how anyone wanted it to be but that’s life.
Im so very sorry about your grandfather. Losing a loved one is never easy, no matter how it happens. It’s kind of a toss up of if it’s easier to know and have some warning of the impending loss or if a sudden passing is easier. Neither is ideal of course, there is no ideal way to say goodbye. I think that even if he doesn’t quite know fully what’s going on, the fact that you will get to share those moments with him is such a blessing. As hard as it was to see how awful things were for my godmother, i am going to be forever thankful that she was there and had those few moments with me at such a special time. Try and stay strong and really live in the moment and make some strong memories. Hugs!! And remember, even if you don’t keep it together, those photos will still be beautiful because it will capture that pure emotion and love that you have for him.
Post # 5
theEguarantee: That is a beautiful idea. You will cherish those pictures forever.
Post # 6
theEguarantee: that is an absolutely beautiful idea!! My grandmother passed away from dementia about 13 years ago. I was young at the time and clearly not thinking wedding, but I still wish I had pictures with both my grandmother and my grandfather (her husband, who passed away just 10 years ago)
Post # 7
That is a beautiful idea and you’re right, it will be a very special moment. Hugs to you OP and I hope the pictures tomorrow turn out great.
Post # 8
Oh my god this made me cry!! I lost my mom 3 weeks before I turned 12, and my dad the day after I turned 16. April will be 10 years for my mom and 6 for my dad. I’m an only child and my grandfather basically raised me. He has always been my rock. In September he had a stroke and hasn’t really been the same since. He has been making up a lot of stuff so I think he might have dementia. I’m not engaged yet but we have a date and it is 2 years away. I broke down the other night because I am wayyyyy too young (21, almost 22) to be dealing with this shit, like whether or not to put him in a home or what? I’m not suppose to be dealing with this until I’m at least 50! Plus my grandmother died before I was even born, so it’s just me around. My boyfriend also lost his mom right before we met 5 years ago. It’s really hard realizing the most important people in our lives won’t be there for the wedding, that is why we have decided to elope. Sorry for the rant. Anyways, I would loveeee to do this. It is so beautiful and you cherish them forever. You actually gave me an idea to do the same exact thing, as long as my grandpa is still around when I get engaged and can go pick up my dress.
Post # 9
I was in a similar situation. My grandfather was 99 when I got married, and his health had started to deteriorate from a year or so before. I absolutely wanted pictures with him, but I knew that he would not be able to make it through a 45 min long ceremony and be okay.. plus, he was a bit loud and boisterous. On the day of my wedding, my uncles dressed him as nicely as they could and brought him to the area where I was getting dressed so that I can take pictures with him before the ceremony. My wedding was in June 2013, and he died 5 days after his 100th birthday in September 2013. Those pictures with him mean more to me than I can ever express.