Post # 1
Fiance and I are taking the FOCCUS tomorrow morning, first thing. I’m feeling kind of nervous! I am not Catholic while Fiance is. Fiance and I have been together for 7.5 years, we have talked about many things. We’ve been in a LDR for quite awhile, so I feel our communication is really strong.
I am just nervous about taking the test and things matching up. For example, I know that one question will be if we are going to raise our children Catholic. Fiance and I have talked about how we plan to raise them (we plan to expose our children to both religions and let them choose when they are older). I know that we’ve talked about many important things (how to raise our children, financial aspects, etc.). I’m hoping that they’re not going to frown on me, since I’m not Catholic. We’ve had some issues with planning our wedding ceremony (thankfully, they seem to be fixed now). Nothing with how we feel about each other, but it was with the two different religions.
My fear is that when we go to talk about the results, the deacon will pressure me to share more with him than I care to. I tell my Fiance anything and everything. The deacon has told us that he is tough with these meetings, because he wants to make sure the couple is ready to get married.
If anybody has any words of wisdom, or any calming thoughts…they would be much appreciated!
Post # 3
Don’t worry about the test! The FOCCUS really just helps the deacon and you to see what issues you may need to talk about most before you get married. As long as you have talked through most issues like family, children, religion, communication, etc then that will show in your FOCCUS results.
Post # 4
they’re not going to go thru with it you guys question by question. when we did ours he would just skim each page and talk about different things that may have caught his attention (not necessarily in a bad way). from my experience, it seemed as tho they just wanted to make sure we were on the same page about everything. the questions are separated into categories and they looked at how well our answers matched up in each one. we were told that if there was something that was below 50% compatibility for a category, that would be a concern for them. if there seemed to be a lot of low scores, they would want us to work on those issues and maybe take the test again. we didn’t need to do that; our scores were all high enough that he wasn’t concerned. so yeah, no big deal. i actually thought it was actually really cool 🙂
Post # 5
Fiance and I met with the deacon yesterday morning. Besides taking the test, we had to fill out a dispensation paper (we are getting married in my church, by my uncle, and I’m not Catholic). I started out with my answers to the dispensation paper while Fiance took the test, and then we switched.
The test wasn’t bad at all. There were a bunch of questions that made me laugh…like, I didn’t know how you could be getting married if some of these things were concerns! However, I guess it takes all types. There were a few questions that the wording threw me off. Also, in the middle of my test, I guess there was a group using our location for a rehearsal. These two women walked in the room. I’m sitting right in front with this test, and they consider to start talking in a loud voice about everything that’s going on in their lives. Seriously, I’m sorry that your dog is pooping everywhere and you couldn’t go to the lake this weekend, but you can obviously see that I’m taking this test and trying to concentrate! I ended up tapping my pencil really loudly. They got the hint and moved to a different room (BTW, the room where I was testing was not where they were practicing). Then, another gentleman asked if I wanted to come and join a prayer group. I thanked him for the invite, but I was trying to finish my FOCCUS test.
Fiance and I talked about the test afterwards. We had a lot of similar thoughts about things. We’ll go over the results at the end of the month. We’ve been together for a long time, so I’m hoping we won’t have too many things to discuss. We both know we want to go in-depth a little more on our financial aspects of married life, and I know the deacon will want to talk about the religion thing. When he took Fiance into the other room to fill out his portion of the dispensation form, Fiance had to say that we’d raise our children Catholic. The deacon said that we didn’t have to 100% raise them in the faith, but that we would expose them to Catholicism, which Fiance and I agreed that we will do.
So, that was that! Thank you for all of the kinds words!
Post # 6
haha, that’s funny. i’m glad it wasn’t a negative experience for you guys.
it seems like most people take their tests at their church, but they e-mailed our tests to us and we took them at our homes. it was cool because we were able to stop and resume the test at another time if we needed to. my fiance knocked his out in one sitting. i split mine up into 2 nights because i had a headache and couldn’t focus (no pun intended, lol). and actually, we totally could have easily cheated a little bit if we really wanted to. we could have skyped (we’re in a long distance relationship) while taking the test to make sure our answers matched up, but we didn’t. like you said, a lot of it was stuff that engaged couples should already have talked about, so neither of us was worried about choosing a “wrong” answer.