(Closed) Talking About Money STRESSES ME OUT!!!

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think you need therapy :-), if you do many many many others in your same position probably do to.  Money fears are very common.  That being said though I don’t think its unreasonable that your FI wants to talk about it.  Being on the same page financially is extremely important, since most couple’s fights will revolve around money.  I think it’s good that your FI is taking a front seat on the finances it is good for one person to do the main bill paying, budget crunching etc..  The other person, you in this case, should be aware of what is going on though.  I think it will get better with time when you realize that you can live within the constraints that you both have come up with together. 

 

Post # 5
Member
9630 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’re perfectly normal!  In every relationship there are things each person tends to be better at than the other.  My FI is also better with money, and, like you I tend to get a little stressed out by too much financial talk.  I feel lucky he can take the reins when it comes to that.  It’s like anything else – one person usually cooks better, one cleans better, one does this chore or that chore better.  Marriage is a lot about communicating and sometimes compromising to make things great for both people.  You don’t have to be good at everything, that’s why it’s a partnership.  Both work together for the greater good of the relationship and things balance out. 

Post # 6
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Haha, you sound like my FI – he would rather do anything than deal with money, and talking about it (especially re: the wedding, which we aren’t paying for) makes him very uncomfortable. He has designated me his “CFO” and I deal with finances even though we don’t have a joint bank account.  I think whatever works for you is fine 🙂

Post # 7
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

You might want to read one of Suze Orman’s books. She can be a bit harsh sometimes, but she offers good advice about getting comfortable dealing with money.

Your FI sounds really astute about finances, which is great! I used to work in real estate- get your credit score over 700, and you’ll be in a lot better shape for car or home loans- 720 or higher is ideal- 750 and you’re pretty much golden. So you’re almost there!

Post # 8
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I LOVE talking about finances!  FI and I came up with a formula on Saturday so we can calculate how much we can contribute to all of our retirement accounts and still live each month.  Some accounts are pre-tax others are post-tax, so it makes it more tricky.  Seriously, I’ve got spreadsheets up the wahzoo!

 
Do you use Turbo Tax for your taxes?  I showed FI how to use it yesterday and it was painless.  He was doing it by hand all these years.  I’ve evern done it by hand and with a software to compare the results and they have been the same the two years I did it both ways.

Does the unknown scare you?  Coming up short?  etc?

Post # 9
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You probably wouldn’t be able to get a home loan right now with that score, or if you did, it would be on really bad terms.

Did your parents struggle with money management? Could some of your anxiety be stemming from that?

I think with practice, it will get better. But, you guys should come up with a game plan to get your credit score up in the mean time.

Post # 10
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn

I get extremely stressed when it comes to talking about money. I love planning this wedding, but I do get a very nagging sensation when we talk about budget, how we’re going to stay within it, and then how we’re going to deal with some fraudulent student debts from less than a year of college, plus a small amount of medical bills. Overall, the total is much less than the average American college grad’s debt, but because my parents, particularly my mother, never really taught me exactly how to deal with money and money problems (she’s still dealing with several thousands of dollars of her own debt), as suggested by crayfish. We were pretty much always poor, just above the poverty line, or on the verge of being thrown out of whatever house/apartment/place we were staying. And I can’t stand doing my taxes either, that’s why I’m so happy to have H&R handle it for me for 75 bucks. Worth every penny.

I know that once we actually get married, handling things like what little debt I have will be pretty easy, especially with our combined income, but right now, and I’m sure as we’re dealing with it over the next few years, there are times when I want to pull my hair out talking about money. It just stresses my out to no end and if I could live without it I could. I can’t really offer you any advice (though I’ll be looking into Suze Orman, I’ve heard wonderful things about her), but I can at least give you some comfort in knowing you are not alone.

Post # 11
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

I am like your fiance- I love cruncing numbers—- I would suggest letting him do it all and let you know of his suggestions.

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