Post # 1
I’m just wondering. My parents got divorced and my mom did everything in her power to establish a friendship with my dad which was hard but which eventually gave my dad much more time than he would have had with me otherwise. Now, of course I am not getting married thinking I am going to get divorced, but I know up close and personal that it happens. And so it is important to me, especially if we plan to have children, to discuss how we would act in the case of a divorce. My fiance thinks I am a weirdo. Anyone else feel this way?
Post # 3
we’ve openly discussed it. talking about divorce shouldn’t be taboo in a relationship. Thinking everything will be hunky dory is too ideal of a mindset for me. I’d rather approach the topic, discuss how we feel about divorce and under what circumstances we’d have one, and be realistic about it. Otherwise i feel like throwing up a blanket statement of “we’ll NEVER get divorced. EVER!” or just never bringing it up is like ignoring the elephant in the room. Nobody gets married PLANNING to get divorced.
Post # 4
I agree that it’s a good idea to be realistic and recognize that divorce IS a possibility. At the same time, I have a hard time talking about how I would act in the case of a divorce because I simply have NO idea. I mean, there are so many factors–why you divorce, how long you’ve been married at that point, whether there are children, etc. It’s so hard to put myself mentally in that situation and predict how I would feel. I do know that if we got divorced and had kids, I would WANT to be able to have a relationship with my ex, but I don’t know if I would be able to…
Post # 5
Fiance and I haven’t discussed divorce. We’ve talked about what we can do to constantly improve our relationship (how to stay connected and prevent marital problems).
Maybe you should talk to your Fiance about how your parents divorce impacted you and how their lack of relationship has impacted you. Explain you don’t want to ever be in that situation and go from there. I don’t think you necessarily need to lay ground rules for the possibility you might get divorced.
Post # 6
we are very similar to texasmeredith…his parents are still married, my parents have like, 5 divorces between the two. we do openly talk about how to prevent divorce and unhappiness in our relationship and improve communication. we also talk about what went right for his parents and what went wrong for mine…we are trying to be proactive about it 🙂
both of my parents say they look at us and think that we are that couple that would never divorce. i always say thank you for the compliment but remind them that we are ALREADY being proactive about preventing divorce and we aren’t even married yet.
Post # 7
We talk about what would happen in case one of us died, basically for the sake of our daughter. But divorce doesn’t come up, unless it is discussing ways to prevent it. I tend to think that talking about divorce is counterproductive. Talking about was to keep your relationship healthy is a completely different story…
Post # 8
I agree with Hilsy85 – I have no idea how I would react if we went through divorce so the idea of talking about it doesn’t seem realistic to me. I wouldn’t even know how we would talk about it now??? But like a few of you said we have discussed what we would do to try and have a happy marriage and how we would try to prevent a divorce.
Post # 9
I’m with a lot of you in that we don’t talk about divorce as a “possibility”, but we do talk about what we feel are the main causes leading to divorce and how to avoid those in our marriage. (Trust, communication, healthy fighting, etc.)
I don’t even consider divorce as a possibility. Who knows what happens in everyone’s future, but why even consider a possibility of something such as divorce? I want to have positive thoughts! Oh, and I’m a child of divorced parents and his parents are still married (but not happy). Both of us know what it’s like to come from unhappy marriages and we both do NOT want this for ourselves and future children. 🙂
Post # 10
Talking about divorce was a priority for me, weird I know. It was important for us to discuss it because I have a house, if we get a divorce while still living in our current house the house will still be mine. If we move and WE buy a house all the down payment + half of what is paid on the house will be mine OR I will be the only one on the house.
Fiance understands that I worked very hard to buy a house right out of HS and no one will take that from me. He doesn’t pay towards the mortgage, prob tax or insurance and wont. I have a good friend who bought a house with her then bf, he was ALWAYS without a job and NEVER EVER paid any bills (she even bought her own e-ring) and now he is fighting to get half the house!
IMO- divorce is something EVERYONE needs to talk about before getting married.
Post # 11
We had a very long discussion about this b/c both of our parents want us to sign a prenup, even though we were both originally very opposed it did force us to discuss the ugly side of things and what would happen in the worst case scenerio. I think its important to have a basic understanding but even after everything was discussed and we agreed to be “civil” if the marriage should fall apart a little part of me does wonder what I would do if he ever cheated on me (not that I think he would)!!
Post # 12
I am going through a divorce right now. What I can say is divorce brings out the real person. My parents divorced and my mom was very respectful of my dad no matter why he left her. My spouse on the other hand is being a cheapskate even worse since we are divorcing. It can reveal some pretty ugly realities of a person.
You will know whom you married when you divorce, no matter what they say now.
Post # 13
I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. My parents were divorced when I was only 3, and my grandparents were divorced shortly before she passed away, so in 2006. There isn’t anything wrong with talking about it, because you really want to know reactions in case if it just didn’t work out, especially if there are children involved. No one likes the thought of it, but it does happen.
Post # 14
We only talk about avoiding divorce. We are focusing on preventing it from happening. However, we both have an understanding that we would divorce if one of us cheated or was abusive. I doubt that would happen.
Post # 15
We always say:
FH: Who gets Chloe (our kitty) if we get a divorce?
Me : You!
FH: What? you dont want her?
Me: She keeps me up at night, you can have her…im taking the car!
FH: Jerk…poor Chloe
Me: poor me! I will have gas bills.
On a more serious note…we dont really chat about it, but some girls have made some very valid points here and I might breach this topic now as well. I think its a good thing to talk about.
Post # 16
No, we haven’t talked about it. Haven’t really thought about it. But we are reading a book called For Better by Tara Parker-Pope about marriage and divorce, so that might spur a discussion later.