Post # 1
Soooo my DH has said for about a year now that it’s my choice when we TTC. I finally realized lately that I would like to start trying for real in about 6 months. I have a doctor’s appt due a little before then and when I call to make the appointment I want to tell them that I want to do the pre-TTC checkup but I will not feel right making that appointment before I tell DH that I am ready. I have a medication that I have to go off first and he is looking at purchasing another car soon, which is why I want to wait a few more months. Last night when he was talking about the car he mentioned that he is hesitant to add a payment to our bills because ‘what if you are pregnant next year’. I thought that could be my window into telling him what I have been thinking TTC-wise, but when I went to say it the words caught in my throat and I wound up saying something really stupid instead.
I know it should be a no-brainer to talk to my DH about this but I am a little nervous. He has been saying for so long that it’s my decision as to when but I am having so much trouble figuring out the right time to tell him and how to say it. Why is this so hard!! How did you ladies and your SO’s talk about this? Was anyone else nervous like me?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I was/ am nervous. I broached it with him about a month ago only because I had liquid courage…and he totally shot me down. Says in a few years. I will try and have a talk with him again next year (*I’ll be 30) but I am totally nervous.
ETA: In your case I don’t think I would be nervous…he seems totally on board!
Post # 4
@whoa_its_ash: it is so hard! i worry that he seems on board now and then if i actually say it he will crap his pants. glad to know i’m not the only one who is nervous…even after being married there are still things that are so hard to talk about!
Post # 5
Oh I totally understand. I honestly think its because I could hardly believe what I was about to say! I’m talking about having a BABY! EEK! My DH has said January for months and I always told him he was crazy and not till spring – But lately I just change my mind. Its easier if you just ask him what he thinks about when he would like to start trying… its easier then just saying “hey lets have a baby” Even when we finally got to the point of talking about what dates to try – and he said exactly what i was thinking and it took me about a few minutes for me to tell him that i agreed. Cus then it was REAL! lol –
Post # 6
@soyjoy222: We had agreed on trying this fall, but come May/June-ish I felt ready, and he really was just waiting on me. It was tough for me to bring up even though I knew how he felt because I was just like, “What if I am making a mistake?”
I ended up asking him “What are we waiting for exactly?” while I was cooking dinner. He came into the kitchen and told me he didn’t know, and that if I say “let’s try” we will start.
Here I am–15 1/2 weeks 🙂
Post # 7
@soyjoy222: Well it sounds like he is incredibly understanding and open to the idea already. And to be honest what parent doesn’t crap their pants when they find out that they are going to have a kid, fear is absolutely normal.
No need to have a serious sit down discussion, why make it that big of a deal? I mean it is just another step in your life and one that you are both somewhat on board with taking. Just mention to him “hey you know what, I think I would like to start TTC here soon” and maybe a “what would you think about that?”
I have to be honest despite going forward gung ho it turned out to be my DH that was the solid rock in this TTC experience. He is beyong ready and even though I thought he might be hesitant he is beyond supportive and excited. Men aren’t complex….wife + baby making = good. 😉
Post # 8
@soyjoy222: haha my FI and I have verrry open lines of communication. I told him one day “i want your babies.”… he said “I know” and laughed. I said, “No. I want your babies as in I want to try to have a baby with you” he said “Alright.” haha
I stopped taking birth control 2 years into our relationship because I was always forgetting anyways. So we decided then to use condoms only. And about a year and half ago we pulled the condoms to use the POM and last december, after “the talk” we pulled the POM! haha.. still not pregnant. I’d reccomend having the talk (and especially the doctors appt) sooner than later. Apparently it takes a long time to get pregnant.. I never thought it would for me. Everyone in my family took less than 6 months, or got a pleasant surprise. We’re going into our 11th cycle now.
Post # 9
Sounds like he is supportive as it is, so I would just mention that it’s something you want to start soon. 🙂
Post # 10
@soyjoy222: One thing I’ve found really comforting is that most men (my DH included) are pretty oblivious to the crazy world of TTC. They have very limited knowledge (if any) about cycles, charting, etc. My husband has even forgotten at times that it does take nine months to conceive and birth a child and he pretty much ignores the fact that the time it takes couples to conceive varies A LOT. So while he may be nervous, he really doesn’t think about TTC in the same way I do. But I think all of us have worries/doubts about starting a family and all you can do is approach as a slightly terrifying, but very exciting project to work on together. Like buying home, making a big move, and getting married, you just have to trust one another and talk about your feelings honestly.
Post # 11
My husband and I had always sort of talked about this year as being when we might want to have a baby, based on our work schedules. The last two years since we got married would’ve been impossible, but this year things became totally doable. We were going to start trying last spring, and then I sort of didn’t want to keep taking the pill and wanted to start earlier. We had many heart to hearts, because he was nervous about how we’d afford it and how we’d handle it emotionally and responsibly. But finally we were both in the same place and we stopped contracepting in January. He was as excited about the BFP as I was!
@soyjoy222: Have you guys discussed a timeline in the past? It sounds like he’s really supportive, and maybe he brings these things up because he sort of wants to get started, but doesn’t want to push you since he’s waiting for you to bring it up. I say drink a glass of wine, work up the courage, and then just blurt it out! At least it’ll start the conversation. Good luck!
Post # 12
@Treejewel19: +1, this.
I can’t think of anything that would make me nervous to tell my husband.
Post # 13
My DH said the ball was in my court and i could pull the goalie without telling him. But the way we got to that conversation was I asked him if he would want to know when i got of bc (I had the copper iud) or not he said no, he didn’t want to know. But he guessed when I kept requesting sex in the middle of the week. I think it worked well since I knew he was really on board about trying but I wasn’t over involving him. I think it would have caused an overload if I had made him prepare to TTC. It probably would have freaked him out to know how much crazy thought I was putting into it ha ha ha.
My point is, guys usually just think sex=baby and all the other stuff(charting, timing, prenatals, etc) is put into it by us women. i think most men May prefer to be out of the loop of the TTC madness.
Post # 14
@kenziemt: I think that is what gets me, honestly. I don’t think that he knows much at all about the world of TTC, so to him I think he thinks it’s a little less complicated than it actually can be.
@Kate0558: I totally feel you…along with the fact that it is sometimes complicated when it comes to TTC I think I am afraid to say it out loud because then it is real!! I want to start in a few months but sometimes I look at myself and I’m like, omg am I really at that point where I want to be a parent?!
@megz06: ahh that was so cute…congrats!!
Thanks for the ideas, everyone 🙂 Good to know I’m not alone. Next time it comes up I will just straight up ask what he thinks!
Post # 15
@soyjoy222: I really think its ok that he doesn’t really know about the potentially complex aspects of TTC. He seems like a great person and he can roll with the punches.
Asking him what he thinks is the way to go. I also got a lot of comfort from having a discussion with DH about our ideas about what extent we’d go to in order to start a family (IVF? Surrogacy? Adoption – domestic/international?). It helped me feel like we had a framework for going forward and gave us practice in talking about difficult stuff.
Post # 16
@MrsPanda99: +1…except one thing might make me a little nervous, “oops I backed my car into your motorcycle, sorry babe”
In our first few weeks of dating we had a serious baby discussion and have had lots and lots since. Don’t be nervous, he’s your husband!