Post # 1
I would love, love, love to hear your advice and/or experience with talking to your families about money for the first time!
This weekend I will be traveling to Arizona for business so I will have a chance to have dinner with my FI’s parents. Although we talk to them on the phone weekly, this will be the first time I’ve actually seen them since we got engaged. I adore them and the feeling is mutual – they once told FI that they would trade him in for me – so I’m really looking forward to it.
While we are paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves, both my sets of (divorced & remarried) parents have already offered us monies towards the cost of the wedding. FI’s parents have not, although on our last phone call they did mention something about how they didn’t think we should have to foot the whole bill ourselves. That is all to say I am assuming the topic of $$$ will come up when I see them and I am trying to figure out how to best handle it.
Right now, my thinking is that if they ask, I will tell them that it while it is traditional for the groom’s family to host the rehearsal dinner and pay for the wedding flowers, we would be happy with anything they wanted to contribute. MY FI has expressed that he really would like them to host the rehearsal, so I’m not sure if I should push that point… I can’t believe how lucky he is that he doesn’t have to be there for this convo!
Post # 3
I spoke to my parents and my FI spoke to his. I would recommend having a good idea of the budget and what you expect things to be so they know what they’re committing to. We just asked each set of parents to contribute what they could so we could chose how to use it…we won’t be spending a lot of the rehearsal dinner so we would rather have that to put towards something larger for us. If you think they will bring it up maybe just let them know the total budget, what your family is doing and whatever they are comfortable with would be great…?? He is lucky he won’t be there!!
Post # 4
I would think if they were giving you anything toward the wedding, they would have offered it by now. If they bring it up, great. If not, I wouldn’t ask them anything at all.
Post # 5
I agree that having a figure handy would be great. They might be happy to pay for a rehearsal dinner that costs $2000 but not $5000.
Post # 6
Thank you, ladies! I love these boards…
I will definitely wait for them to bring it up and if they don’t, I’m fine with that. But I realized as I’m reading your comments that I’m nervous about telling them what our budget is (very modest for a 125pp/Los Angeles/Saturday night wedding but a very large amount by any other means!) FI also thinks his parents tend to be cheap, whereas I see their attitude towards money as old fashioned.
But it has been fascinating to see how our parents have responded to the money issue – my well-off parents offered a very modest sum (for them) with a lot of restrictions and my not-so-well-off parents are going all out despite our protests – seriously, I think they would take out loans to make our day as dreamy as possible if we would let them!
Post # 7
My advice was going to be don’t bring it up unless they do (but since you said you are already doing that) my only other advice would be to let your FI take the lead when/if they ask. Money is a touchy subject and it will be easier if he takes the lead on this one.