- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
I need some advice. Earlier this summer, my SO and I were discussing engagements. He casually asked me what kind of ring I wanted, to which I said, “Isn’t that your choice?” I’ve never given much thought to being involved in the ring selection process although I definitely have my preferences on style. There’s just something about being traditional and not knowing ANYTHING about the process that I find really appealing.
However after he made it clear he wanted SOME direction, I caved and
1. Joined Weddingbee
2. Went to a local jewelry store and tried on rings to see what I’d acutally like ON me and not just in pictures
3. Sent him a few photos and specifications of what I liked- just as a guideline
I think initially he had wanted to make the purchase this summer with a proposal sometime by the end of the year, but due to some financial issues, I don’t believe it’s happened yet. I know he went to a jeweler with a friend in August, but I’m 98% certain he didn’t buy that day. We’ve gone to a few weddings and he’s always asking his engaged friends to see their rings- then apologizes to me that he won’t be able to afford anything on that caliber or he “jokes” with his friends that they’re going to make him look bad when he does propose. For one thing, the ring isn’t what’s most important to me- and I’ve told him that, but he still has insecurities. His friends are all in careers that make our bank accounts pretty laughable and while it doesn’t bother me, I can tell it intimidates him.
The longer I wait (I’m patient and never in a rush), the more I’m starting to realize I might prefer a natural white sapphire as a diamond alternative. I’m practical and very low maintenance so the thought of spending so much money on a ring gives me anxiety. SO and I were both born in September (sapphire birthstones) and it was once considered the “original” engagement stone, which makes it even more appealing to me because I love that kind of history!
I just don’t know how to bring up this preference. I’m in love with the idea of a natural, untreated stone rather than lab created (there’s nothing wrong with lab created, I just prefer the imperfections of the natural) so it would take some very specific guidance to tell him what I want. I worry that maybe I’m wrong and he has made a diamond purchase, so to tell him I’d like a sapphire could then make him feel upset that he wasn’t giving me what I wanted or angry that he spent so much money (for the record: I’m not against a diamond.) I also worry that he wouldn’t understand the difference between natural vs. lab and I’d wind up with something I wasn’t very interested in.
On the flip side, I’m afraid if I explained the reasons why I wanted sapphire, all he would hear is “I don’t think you can afford a diamond” which isn’t my motive, either. Or that when I happily explain that my ring was a sapphire, he would feel like his friends were judging his ability to buy a diamond.
I’d like to be sensitive to the process and the “excitement” it brings to guys; some friends have said if I’m not against a diamond, then I should just let him do what he wants because to list out all of the specifics I’m looking for takes any “magic” out of it for him.
I just can’t help but feel like I’d be doing him a disservice to not mention a detail that could save him half of his budget.
What would you do in this position? Let him have the freedom to choose a diamond or give him another alternative? I know for a fact he would never think of a white sapphire on his own.
Any thoughts would be much appreciated. Thanks!