Post # 1
- Wedding: November 2014 - backyard
I love my FI, he is a great man, love of my life. Wedding bliss in the air…then bomb! He brings up we have to sign a prenup. He earns well, and I am doing my final year of masters. I dont why, but this prenup talk really offended me, I love him I am not after his money, but didnt like the idea of signing a prenup. I couldnt sleep that night, got out of bed early morning typed out my arguement against it and showed him as soon as he was up. We argued about it, but still couldnt agree. He went to work and I got a chance to cool down. I still havent warmed up to a prenup, seems like he doesnt trust me, but I have decided to let it go. I am not sure if I overacted, maybe I did, but I love him way more than “prenup” or “no prenup”
Post # 2
my only suggestion is to have your own attorney review the agreement. it should be fair to both of you. and, hopefully, you will never need it 🙂
Post # 3
MrsKay23Nov: I love him way more than “prenup” or “no prenup”
If this is true then sign it. It’s not him not trusting you, it’s him protecting himself which is smart. It doesn’t mean you’re “after his money”. Besides, you can sign a prenup that will protect money and assets he had before marrying you but anything he makes after or you make together is both of yours.
Post # 4
MrsKay23Nov: Did he explain why? Maybe someone advised him to do this. And definitely do get your own lawyer to look over it so you don’t get screwed.
Post # 5
MrsKay23Nov: If you’re graduating with student debt because of your masters, and he has a high paying job, I can understand why he would want a prenup. But the prenup should be fair to both of you – feel free to negotiate for what you want in there as well!
Post # 6
MrsKay23Nov: to me, a pre-nup is a no go. You don’t even have an income yet, so how is this fair to you? A marriage = the combination of your assets, for richer or for poorer.
Post # 7
MrsKay23Nov: i wanted a prenup. we talked about it. it ended up being money i didn’t want to spend. but yes, it is more about protection. if you love him, you should sign but first have your own lawyer look it over to make sure you are not cheating.
prenup many times just state that should the marriage dissolve, you leave the marriage with what you came in with.
Post # 8
A pre-nup is meant to protect the assets of both of you from before you’re married.
I know some people hate pre-nups because they would never consider divorce, but I find it way more shady if someone refuses to sign one.
Post # 9
I can see both sides of it.. Its logical to want to protect what you earned on your own but its hurtful to hear the word divorce before you get married.
My husband came into our relationship with more than me and I expected a prenup but he didn’t want to go through the hassle or spend the money. If he brought it up, I would’ve likely signed it.. I think it looks bad to not sign it.
He may have a high paying job but prenups are to protect the assets he came into the marriage with, anything that you accumulate together is not protected under the prenup. If he’s insistent, don’t take it personally, its just protection and likely won’t be be used anyways.
Post # 10
MrsKay23Nov: I think you overreacted. A lot of people I know have them, because in case of the small chance that things don’t work out, it will makes things much faster, easier, and less stressful. I know people whose divorce has dragged out for three years because they’ve been fighting about the terms. Wanting or signing a prenup is not a statement that things won’t work out; it’s about protecting both parties just in case.
Post # 11
I would get your own lawyer, but I would still look at signing the prenup. It’s not just about protecting him in case of divorce, its about protecting you too. And it’s not just about the now assets. Our prenup protects both of the inheritances we will (likely) recieve from our families. It also requires that we both carry life insurance enough to cover all debts in the name of the other spouse in case of our deaths. In many ways, our prenup kind of acts as a long term will along with protecting in case of divorce. It also served as the starting ground for a lot of financial discussions.
It also doesn’t stop you from co-mingling your assets while you are married. You can still have an “everything is everyone’s” marriage with a prenup.
Post # 12
I personally wouldn’t marry my FI if he wanted me to sign an easy peasy convenient exit plan. I don’t want a divorce to be easy and I would have been really hurt too and certainly would not sign.
Post # 13
Pre-nups are not him saying “i don’t trust you”, its a safety thing. You have every right to negotiate your side of the prenup as well.
Would you rather not sign one and then POSSIBLY you two break up somewhere down the road and because you didn’t want to negotiate and hire a shady lawyer while he hires a great one, you have to end up paying him something? Or he gets the house? Different scenarios but you get the picture.
Don’t knock the idea because it’s just to protect his assets and yours!
Post # 14
I was blindsided by a prenup suggestion when we were engaged. I did end up doing it in the end, but I did make sure that it benefitted me as well. In NZ there is a law that after 3 years with someone, all assets are 50/50, so that can screw a lot of people over sometimes. What my husband was concerned about was the years of mortgage he had put into our house before we met. We ended up with an agreement that protects his assets for a set period of time and then diminishes until we are at 50/50. It got a bit complicated because we factored in kids and that would speed up the process of equality. In the end though, I know we’ll never need it, but I know he (and his mother who paid for it) felt a little bit better about us marrying so quickly. I think she was concerned that I would leave him and take his assets with me after a certain amount of time. Which is crap if she really knew how much I loved him. I also think that during the process of doing the prenup, my DH began to dislike the lawyers’ work and the whole thing. When it was finally all signed and done, he was glad to file it away so we never have to see it again.
My suggestion is to talk to him about why he wants it and then go from there. Better to have it and never need it I reckon. But definitely make sure that you negotiate a prenup that benefits you as well as him.
Post # 15
I wouldnt be offended by this. Its just financial protection for him. Just talk to him and listen unbiasly to his reasonings. For me, FI and I will probably have a prenup because should something happen to him or us, I want his medical school debt to stay his debt. It doesnt mean I love him or I plan on divorcing him. It just means that if something awful happened, I wouldnt be stuck paying off school loans for someone else’s schooling.