Post # 1
… yep.. not even the wedding yet…
I’ll keep this short but I definitely need help… So basically my parents are divorced for 10 years, do NOT get along.. My mom says she is indifferent, but my dad has huge animosity towards her, doesn’t want to even be in the same room from her/ be announced w her/etc. It’s so bad, at the after wedding party my dad is throwing, EVERY guest is invited EXCEPT my mom and my grandmother. He doesn’t want them to set foot in his house. Without putting too much business out there, it kinda of makes no sense because he left my mom for the woman he is still with now a few years ago (so if anyone should be mad its probably my mom…) It falls on deaf ears when I explain to him they are both my parents, how can I choose, etc. Honestly, i just wanted to throw the after party at my own apt, but he’s throwing his regardless and catering it.. obviously my guests and family would be kind of confused if we both throw… anyway, I’m sure that will be revisited in a future post…
My tasting is next Thursday… and it happens to be after my graduation from grad school.. Obviously my parents wont be sitting together and a cordial lunch afterwards is out of the question. Basically both of my parents have expressed interest in going, although I didn’t remind either of them when the date may be. Financially they both are contributing the same amount, although because my dad gave me his check already, and she hasn’t, he feels he has priority..
In all honesty, I would really love both of my parents to be there and I wish they could grow up. My fiance thinks we should just go alone. Is it worth the fight to bring it up again to my parents?
Has anyone else had similar family drama, how was the outcome?
Post # 3
Go alone. I’m sorry 🙁 Your father is being an *ss.
Post # 4
Your Dad is acting beyond ridiculous.
In the interest of having a good time, making smart decisions without drama interferring, I’d say just go with your FI.
Post # 5
@taniaelvin091011: I would invite them both. Let them know exactly how you feel. “You’re both my parents. I love you and I want you both there.” Then let them chose. No fighting. Just invites and move on. If they try to fight, just say you’re not talking about it, “here’s the date, I hope you can make it”
Post # 6
I’d go alone, tell your dad if he doesn’t like it he can grow up…
Post # 7
I agree with your fiance, I think you should just go alone to the tasting. Save the drama for other things that come up.
I hate it when parents try to pit their children against each other. It’s not fair, when they are kids or when they are adults. It sounds like, from what you wrote, that your mom is trying her best to be civil and your dad is the one causing drama. I don’t know exactly what to tell you about how to handle your dad, but I think you really need to express to him openly and honestly (in an adult manner) that his behavior is hurting you and you want to be able to celebrate your wedding with everyone, including BOTH of your parents.
Good luck! I have lots of divorced parent drama myself and it’s definitely no fun. Ever consider eloping?
Post # 8
Just go with your FI only
Post # 9
I say, go alone. I didn’t get to go to my own tasting 🙁 so I’ll be jealous of you!
Post # 10
I’d say go alone as well.
Also if it makes you feel any better this is exactly how my fiance’s family is! His mom and dad are divorced and even though his dad left his mom for a younger woman it’s his dad and his new wife who have the big stink fit if we ever need them all in the same place. I don’t get it!
Post # 11
I say go alone, as well. I’m not in the exact same situation, but similar. My FI’s parents are divorced and don’t get along- we had my parents and his parents come with us as a nice gesture. Worst idea ever. It was super akward, and his mom was completely awful the whole time, complaining about EVERYTHING. Definitely wish we would have just gone alone. It’s not worth it! And theres really no reason they need to be there!
Post # 12
Invite them both. If he’s not mature enough to behave himself and he decides he can’t be in the same room then he can decline.
It’s not like you’re not inviting him – you’re just letting him make his own decision of what is more important. Don’t let him force YOU to pick between them.
Post # 13
Go alone! We had our tasting last night. We had the option to bring other people but we chose to go alone. It was wonderful and I honestly don’t think we would have had as good of a time if we brought other people along.
Post # 14
Thank you so much for your input ladies!!! Wow I’m glad I’m not the only one in this situation… ugh
Post # 16
I would jsut tell your dad that he is invited but that your mom will be there and you expect him to be civil towards her and act like an adult. I would probably throw in ‘especially since YOU are the one who left HER’ and storm out, but that probably isn’t the most mature option.