(Closed) Tattoos and Piercings?!?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Normally I would consult the bride but based on your gm attire I wouldn’t think the wedding was going to be super fancy so probably wouldn’t think it was a huge problem. Now of course it’s their bodies they can do what they want but a heads up would’ve been nice. Especially since your fi family hates tattoos. 

Post # 4
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

I personally would not feel frustrated but I dont think you are crazy for feeling that way. I wouldn’t mind if anyone in my wedding did that because I’m just as likely to do that sort of thing. I want my pictures and memories to reflect who my friends really are, and if that involves getting a new tattoo or even a bridesmaid shaving her head, so be it. It will be an interesting story to remember 🙂  If I was in someone’s wedding, I’d feel a little odd if I knew they wanted me to consult them if I changed my appearance.

Post # 5
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I guess if your having a relaxed wedding, and you have made it clear to everyone, maube thwu thought it’s okay

myself, I’d go crazy, you have to look at them on your photos for the rest of your llife if I were you I’d grab the wedding party and say give me a heads up if anyone is changing their appearance or planning to get an orange spray tab before the big day

Post # 6
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@Cmcrca110713:  Sorry, but I wouldn’t consult a bride (or anyone) on modifications to MY body. That being said, maybe your MOH could conceal her tattoos with some makeup and your sister can take out her piercing (or have your photographer photoshop it out).

 

I think it would be different if you’re having a black tie wedding where everyone should look prim and proper, but heck, you’re letting your groomsmen wear jeans and boots. With such a casual dress code to begin with, I would just let it go.

Post # 7
Member
4660 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Would you also say your bridesmaids should consult you before changing their weight? Or dyeing their hair? Would you ask a currently overweight bridesmaid to lose weight to look more conventionally perfect at you wedding?

I don’t consult my friends, even if they are a bride, before I make body modifications. People’s tattoos (and piercings to some extent) are often planned for months or years. My most recent tattoo was planned for longer than I knew my FH. It’s a bit ridiculous to imagine that they’d plan for so long and be ready to pull the trigger but then stop and ask a bride if it’s OK.

It’s intensely personal to make a permanent modification to your body that way. You have to remember that your wedding is just YOUR (and your FH’s) wedding, not your friend’s wedding. She might be in it, but that doesn’t mean it is as important to her as it is to you. It wouldn’t even occur to me to consider a wedding I was going to be in, if I had scheduled a tattoo appointment, unless it would be *healing* during that wedding, just because that wouldn’t be fun.

You can ask her nicely to wear makeup, or a shawl, or something, but if she resists it, a fight on that topic could be friendship-ending.

Similarly, there’s really NOTHING you can do about a facial piercing except accept it, if the wedding is happening within the healing period (a few months) of the piercing. If it’s after the piercing is finished healing, I imagine you could ask her to remove the piercing for a few hours or, if it’s more comfortable, put a clear filler in as people often do for professional situations.

Your photos are going to be beautiful, and they will reflect your friends and family as they are, wonderful people you love who you want standing next to you on your big day. It’s more meaningful that way, in my opinion, than something sanitized for bridal perfection.

Also, I don’t think your FILs will care much about your bridesmaids’ body mods. They might turn up their nose a little but since it’s likely the only time they will meet those people or spend time with them, I doubt they’ll have enough investment to care that much about it.

Post # 8
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

@Bebealways:  This. 

I would absolutely not consult the bride. Nor do I think it fair to imply that the timing or placement was wrong. It’s her body, and it shouldn’t matter as long as she is standing up there with you. 

Post # 9
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Ehhh, I’d let it go. It is your special day and there are a lot of things that have to be on your terms for your wedding, but I don’t think you get to dictate major body changes to your wedding party, even if it’s not exactly the way you’d want it. If it’s about their shoes, dresses, hair, makeup etc-you get to make the call. Tattoos and piercings they will have long after your wedding has come and gone you can’t really make an issue of and have people consult you on. And I agree with PP about the FILs, they may care and have an opinion on your tattoos, but hopefully they won’t commit to making an issue about every tattoo or piercing within their line of sight. Just see what you can do to modfy if it’s important for the pictures, but since you’re already going a bit on the casual side it seems this should’t be too big of a deal.

Post # 10
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

personally, if it were me, I’d consult the bride first on anything that would affect her photos.  I understand the bees saying its their bodies and thats fair enough, but they knew they had a commitment to the bride so at least they could have run it past her or waited until after her wedding.

To the bride – it depends how strongly you feel about this.  Personally I wouldn’t risk falling out with your loved ones over this, but if you don’t want these in your photos you’ll need to have a wee heart to heart with them and ask if they can use tat makeup/remove the bar for the day, or at least fr the pictures.

Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

regardless of how they look or how your inlaws feel about them, that IS how she looks.

There is no going back now, so accept it (she does not owe you a call to check).

 

Post # 12
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I guess I have a question about this, in a way. If these people already had the tattoos/piercings before you had gotten engaged, would you have still asked them to be in the bridal party looking like they do? If yes, then what is the issue? If no, then how much do these people really mean to you? I can’t imagine how hurt I would be if I found out that someone with whom I was very close chose not to have me as a member of their bridal party because I was too fat, too short, too pale, etc. If you are more concerned about how some photographs will look than standing up with the people who have supported you, your priorities are pretty whacked, IMO.

One of my bridesmaids just got her hair cut really short. I certainly didn’t expect her to check with me about her hair before she got it cut or dyed. It’s her body and my wedding has absolutely no bearing on what she chooses to do with it. (She also has a tattoo and a noes ring, predating my asking her to be in the bridal party.)

Post # 13
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Just to add…..

Those saying they would ‘consult the bride’ are fellow brides planning or have recently planned a wedding and understand your agony.

Normal people are not surfing the web for ‘wedding etiquette’.

Post # 14
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Cmcrca110713:  I think its a bit unreasonable to think they should have asked/told you before they did it. Both are grown women who are able to make their own decisions.

 

If a BM cut her hair short would you have wanted a heads up about htat too? It just doesn’t seem reasonable. Especially since you’re having such a laid back wedding.

Post # 16
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think I would be frustrated, especially this far out (since your wedding is in Nov). You can’t realistically expect people to cater their apperance to you just because they’re in a wedding. With that being said, if it was closer, like a month or less, I might get a little frustrated. And as for it being out of character for them, everyone does things from time to time that are out of character.

I know for me, as my stress goes up my tolerance level comes down and I get frustrated easier than normal. So, I understand, but I would try to not worry about it. You can’t control their actions.

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