TATTOOS: IS SPOUSAL APPROVAL NECESSARY??

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Lana_Rose:  I think it seems like a cop-out for him to suddenly be concerned about what his family thinks. I can’t believe that’s the ONLY reason he’d be unhappy with you getting a tattoo, but if it is, that’s a pretty lame one, since you BOTH already have tattoos and you’re married! If it was about the money, or his own personal concerns (not the potential judgements of other people) about the placement or particular design, I think I’d say his opinion should hold more weight. 

The discussion about his change in expectations of your behavior since getting married is really worth having.

Post # 4
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

He has 14 tattoos himself and he is worried about what his family will think about YOU?

 

That seems a little backward. Or like a phony reason.

Post # 7
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Excalibur

I  think your FI  can have an opinion that may or may not sway you to change your mind, but I dont think he should forbid you to get anything done. I  have 5 tats and I tell my FI all  my ideas for new ink  and would take into consideration his opinion. FI  has a few tats plus a whole backpiece… he  now wants to get sleeves and I think he has enough ink.  I  know he really wants it done but he so far has respected my opinion and  he would never  just up and make an apt and get a new tat without  telling me.

Post # 8
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Man, that’s a tough one! Normally I would say he should have some input on the matter, but if his only hangup is how it would be viewed by his family I’m not even sure that should count! DH & I just opened up our retail store to a small tattoo shop a few months ago & we set some ground rules then that we need to at least run by the other our ideas before we get anything done. He had a tattoo he wanted spur of the moment a while back & I didn’t particularly like it too much- nothing obscene just not something I thought was that great. I didn’t nix the idea but rather tried to suggest other designs, tweaks, placements- I felt that it’s his body and ultimately I wouldn’t want someone telling me what to do with my body. 

I would give him some time to get used to the idea. Keep bringing it up around him, show him pictures, heck maybe you have a friend that can draw something similar on your chest so he gets an idea what it would look like without having to commit (I’ve done this with a tattoo DH wasn’t excited about & once he saw it “real” he loved the idea). I understand having to deal with family’s disapproving of these things (both ours are also very conservative) and I don’t have much advise there except to say that if I did things based on my families approval I’d be living at home married to a pastor. I usually just acknowledge their feelings, tell them I hear them, and move on!

Post # 9
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

In my case, I’d say yes, yes, one hundred times yes.

If it were something like a haircut, then I say no big deal. It’s hair. It’ll grow back, it isn’t permanent.

But a tattoo is something really personal and super permanent. I guess I’d look at it similarly to getting a nose job when your husband loves the way your nose already looks?

That and any tattoos my husband might want in the future would definitely need my approval- if DH wakes up one day and suddenly decides he wants a huge tattoo of his mom’s name across his chest, that is soooo not happening. I couldn’t make love while I’m staring at that. And it would be hard to ‘veto’ a tattoo of his if I didn’t take into account his opinion when I was getting mine.

But in the interest of full disclosure, neither DH or I has any tattoos and I don’t know all the dynamics of your relationship with your DH. You might try adding a poll as well?

Post # 10
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

It is your body and you can do with it what you want.

BUT I still would want to take under consideration what my LIFE PARTNER had to say about it as they have to look at it 24/7 (so consultation is probably a good idea).  He probably is going to tell you what he likes best on you and what doesn’t… in the same way as say he might comment on an item of clothing.  “I really like that top on you… whereas I’m not so crazy about the red one you bought last week”

But again, ultimately what you do (or choose to wear) is your business

That said, I do find it a bit hypocritical that a guy with 14 tats himself is worried about what others think of yours (I would think he’d be beyond that, worried about what others think about his appearance).

But maybe it is because you ain’t him… another words, he doesn’t care what the world thinks about him… he does care about what people think about you… cause it ties back to him.  (Make sense?)

As for his Parents… ya, not so much.

Think you and your guy need to talk more… find out what is really going on in his head.

Doesn’t mean it is a bad thing… I mean how can a guy being concerned about your feelings hurt by others for example be a bad thing ??

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 12
Member
1515 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Hmm, thats tough.

I think you should sit him down again and try to get his real issue with it out.

 My DH loves tattoos on women, but he hates Chest tattoos(not knocking your choice). I have 3 tattoos and want more and the only location he objects to is the chest. What I am trying to say is – it’s possible (kinda odd) that it is his parents he is concerned about, chest tattoos are very in your face, much more so then arms etc. Maybe he is concerned they will find it too offensive or perhaps thats just not his ideal location on you.  Some girls look great with sleeves while others don’t suit them – maybe he likes some chest tattoos on some girls but can’t picture one on you.

It’s your body and you make the final decision. I do think it’s worth chatting about again to find out why he takes issue with it now though.

Good luck

Post # 13
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Lana_Rose:  Yeah I do understand where you’re coming from. It would be kind of like DH telling me we couldn’t get another kitten. 😛

I guess from your post it seems to me like he is less concerned about you getting another tattoo and more upset about WHERE the tattoo is going to be? So that’s why it seems like maybe there’s room for compromise there- it seems like he doesn’t mind you getting another tattoo, he just isn’t crazy about the idea of it being on your chest. (But I could be totally misunderstanding the situation, too.)

Post # 16
Member
10999 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

For the record, neither my DH nor I has a tattoo, and neither of us wishes to have one. However, if either of us did want one, the other person’s approval absolutely would be necessary.

This is because we both subscribe to the Biblical concept that the husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife, and the wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband (I Corinthians 7:4.)  Because of that, I know that we each would consult the other for concurrence before making a decision like that.

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